We're all ghosts

Music meme stolen from musesfool


Type these words into the search bar on your iTunes and list the first song that appears in the results.

happy: "The Happy Goth" - The Divine Comedy
love: "All You Need Is Love" - Dana Fuchs & Jim Sturgess
hate: "All The Girls Hate Her" - Tori Amos
light: "Half Light I" - Arcade Fire
dark: "Fixation on the Darkness" - Killswitch Engage
good: "There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet" - Panic! At The Disco
bad: "Mr. Bad Man" - Tori Amos
smile: "Smile" - Lily Allen
cry: "Keep Breathing" - Ingrid Michaelson
girl: "Girl Anachronism" - The Dresden Dolls
boy: "Last Call" - Oliver Boyd & The Rememberalls
sad: "Sadame" - X TV OST
lost: "Lost" - Anouk
night: "Nightmare Girl" - Aimee Mann
day: "Leaving Today" - The Divine Comedy
wolf: "You're A Wolf" - Sea Wolf
robot: "Robot: Satisfaction" - Shay
dance: "Encore" - Jay-Z & DJ Dangermouse
time: "A Little Bit, Sometimes" - Mum
life: "This Is Your Life" - Dropkick Murphys
death: "The Birth and Death Of The Day" - Explosions In The Sky

mystagic did a thing where you explain the stories behind 5 of your icons. So I volunteered and here I am, spilling my guts!

Also, I am waiting for the colour in my hair to develop, so killing time only works in my favour at the minute.

First one!

Keywordsmcgonagall only speaks truth, there is something wrong with you, you are demented.

This one is one of my newest icons, resparked by my love of shoebox_project. I was reminded of it a few months ago and went hunting it all down after the community was hacked and all the entries deleted. Sad times :(

It also makes me sad that the .pdf files available to download don't have the handwritten notes included in it. It loses a bit of the charm without them, honestly - is that just me? I am spoiled fan.

ANYWAYS. For those not in the know about Shoebox Project, it was a hilarious Marauders era multi-media fic establishing a lot about the Marauders. And Sirius/Remus as a pairing. It was fantastic and funny and full of tension as the War approached. Anyways, early in it, while it's set at Hogwarts, McGonagall is obviously long-suffering with James Potter and his band of miscreants.

The actual quote comes from a conversation between Sirius and McGonagall as they discuss career options. It pretty much sums up their relationship, and is hilarious. I chose it as it has that fondness and acceptance of the fact that most of the people I encounter on LJ are demented. And utterly brilliant for it. The keywords kinda explain themselves I think. Next!


Keywords:BAMFs, dream a little bigger darling, your mind is the scene of the crime

Arthur and Eames! Inception! My feelings are long and vaired and filled with ~INTENSE FEELINGS~ which I shall spare you all. Needless to say it was perhaps my favourite movie of last year, if not one of my favourites from the last decade or so I've properly been enjoying movies.

There is so much I love about this icon. It's from that fantastic scene where Eames just shows the audience (and Arthur) how much of a Bad Ass Mother Fucker he is, and calls him "darling". It seems like "dream a little bigger, darlng" has become perhaps THE phrase from the movie, especially for fangirls. Which is fantastic, considering the "darling" wasn't even in the script.

Arthur and Eames massively appeal to me as a fanfic reader, a writer and a fan of characters. Arthur presents this cool, collected facade who is charge and resolutely Deals With (Cobb's) Shit. He dresses in the most amazing sharp, business-like fashion but is a motherfucking expert with explosives. He never tends to be sentimental about people except for when he remarks that Mal was "lovely." He revises the plan when he misses the kick like it was an inconsequential thought. He has followed Cobb for years. Arthur is a lesson in badassery.

Eames is a hilarious pseudo-lush who dresses awfully but has a hidden quick wit and a knack for human psychology and interpersonal relationships. Once you consider that Eames' entire job in the dreamscape revolves around being other people, forging identities, his character becomes a lot more interesting and intriguing (not that he wasn't before.) For someone to solidly and convincingly forge an identity, he needs to be believable, and clever, and astute to each person's individual ticks and mannerisms. So the facade he presents in the movie is a carefully orchestrated one to take people off-guard as he filches your wallet (or your heart). And you didn't even notice, did you?

So, I have a lot of feelings about these characters! As I do about Mal and Ariadne and Cobb and Saito and Yusef. But basically, it is my badass icon. NEXT.


Keywords:gabe needs to work on his magic act, inherently ridiculous

This hilarious fool is Gabe Saporta, from Cobra Starship. They are a band who wants to make you dance. The idea for the band came after from Mr. Saporta there: "Citing a personal mythology involving being out in the desert high on peyote and having a conversation with a prophetic cobra."

Gabe is still one of those favourites from my very eager bandom days and this icon just makes me laugh a lot when I actually look at it. Look at him! What is he doing?! He's a guy that confuses me a lot. He sings creepy songs about being in his basement! But he's hilarious and does not take himself seriously. But he's also stupidly hot, especially in a suit.

I have no clue what this photo is from or what the context is, but it is hilarious. It looks like he is trying to make a toothbrush levitate. I don't even know. If I am using this, I am taking the piss (out of myself normally) or I am being silly. There really is not a lot of thoughts behind this icon. NEXT


Keywords: a virgin losing a child, before it all becomes the same old song, surely Heaven waits for you, used to be the right one.

Amanda Fucking Palmer! She used to be tied with Rose Tyler as the Woman Most In My Icons. True fact. Now Billie Piper (as Rose and as Belle du Jour) is the clear winner there. She is married to Neil Gaiman, don't you know? She has a lot of ~feelings~ about things, some of them not right! She is the lead singer of The Dresden Dolls and released an amazing album called "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" which I listened to a whole fucking lot during my final year and since. [brief break there to wash the dye out of my hair, I have no clue how the red has turned out, sigh]

ANYWAYS. Amanda Palmer. And all my lyrical keywords! "A virgin losing a child" comes from "Wolves At Night" by Manchestra Orchestra, "Before it all becomes the same old song" comes from "The (Shipped) Gold Standard" by Fall Out Boy, "Surely Heaven waits for you" is from "Carry On My Wayward Song" by Kansas and "Used to be the right one" is from "The Perfect Fit" by Amanda Palmer.

Basically, this icon is my contemplative/doubting/wistful icon. All the lyrics were chosen to vaguely correspond with what could be making her glance down and away. Except for "Surely Heaven waits for you", the rest of the icons are supposed to be sort of first-person whilst the Kansas lyrics is obviously second-person. The way her head is tilted and the position of her lips always seemed to be like Amanda was sighing or biting her lip, so I wanted to use th. EMOTIONAL ICONS! NEXT

FINALLY


Keywords: storm in the form of a girl, the motion makes me strong

My current profile pic! After the glasses/books one for something like two years, I finally changed it. This gorgeous specimen of womanhood is Lyndsey Ballato/Way or Lyn-Z being as fucking awesome as she is. She is one of my girl crushes that just won't quit. Her attitude! Her tattoos! Her bendy spine! Her pigtails! Her style! She's an artist and a bass player! Yeah, no, she's an awesome lady so I had to have her as one of my icons. I've got a few other icons of her, but I think this is probably my favourite one. Good thing too, it being my profile icon! Ha ha ha.

There's something just really...transient and powerful about this icon. She's obviously in motion, playing the bass but her gaze isn't focused on playing or the crowd, she seems to be gazing beyond that. Her pose is just really strong and unshakeable. Also, love the contrast of the orange stage and her black/white outfit. Plus the little glances of her tattoos. Ugh ♥ Lyn-Z.

The keywords, I'm actually surprised I don't have more of them! "Storm in the form of a girl" came from a keyword or an icon that I think musesfool had, maybe a Buffy one? Upon doing some searching, it is apparently from Hole's "Heaven Tonight" or Nick Cave's "Ain't Gonna Rain Anymore". Whatever, it's a great line. "The motion makes me strong" comes from Emmy The Great's song "Canopies And Grapes" (apparently not the real title, huh) which I have quoted many times in my icons. Generally in Rose Tyler ones. The verse it's taken from is:
Take some time out to resuscitate my soul,
Take up smoking and drink orange juice and grow.
Teach the mattress to expel you from it's folds
Dry my eyes and keep on walking,
'Til the motion makes me strong,
'Til one day I realise I don't remember that you're gone.

How can I not love that so much and want it used in many keywords? And the piece I used was to emphasise that moving on, movement keeps you going, keeps you strong. I need to remember that sometimes, I think.

So that is my icon masterclass! I hope you enjoy the rambles :) Bed? Bed.

Every word's a new regret if you say it right, right
Every wound can be forgotten in the right light
Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore
'Cause the salad days are over and the meat is at my door

They might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like, you like, you like

'Cause they might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight

Depression is a little bit like happy hour, right?
So, it's gotta be happening somewhere on any (any) given (given) night
Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore
I just hope, my perfect stranger, that my kids look more like yours

'Cause they might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You can be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo, a-yo, a-yo)

'Cause I had a little bit of bad luck
No wonder this crumbling world's stuck
A little sweetness keeps just out of reach
'Cause compassion is something that they just don't, just don't teach, teach

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own, be your own (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so
Shine so, shine so, shine so
Spotlight, spotlight, spotlight, spotlight
Spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so bright (Yeah)
You could be your own spotlight 'c

(This entry is largely powered by my desire to finally master embedding links into journal entries.)

I've not long finished reading a fantastic story by mimblexwimble called "Ten Thousand Miles" and, as I mentioned on Twitter, it's amazing. It's heartbreaking and about the reality of when someone just...vanishes. And, if you choose to read it, it will break your heart. I sobbed. Big tears running down my face, sniffling, head feeling like a vice with the restraining of aforementioned big tears. But it's worth it. I wouldn't rec it otherwise.

The synopsis: This isn’t a story with a deeper meaning. There is no moral at the end. On December 28th, 2007, Sam Winchester walked out of the motel room he was sharing with his brother and never came back. This is the story of what happened after.

I have been in a ridiculous "Supernatural" mood the past few days. I've always loved the show, but after watching "Changing Channels" and "The Real Ghostbusters" , my mind has been completely located there. And I've never been so focused on the race/gender fail of the show as some other people I know have been. I mean, yes, it is there (especially with Agent Henriksen) but when I watch my show, I watch the show. I might have thinky-thoughts after, but I'm not critiquing it as I watch. That's just the way I roll.

In conclusion (without spoilers), parodies of T.V shows, angels and Chuck make me a very happy girl. As does the acting of the show (I'm thinking of "Changing Channels" here)

Also! In a further attempt to give something back to my ridiculously awesome f-list, here is some Florence + The Machine. It makes me want to be at a bonfire under a midsummer midnight sky, singing and barefoot and feeling as wide and as small as the universe. Cosmic Love


I failed at finishing Nietzsche today. But I did get my hair done. And text-talk to Dave. And freak out about life before getting cuddles from mum. I feel I should probably sleep now

[edit] BUT NOT BEFORE A TRIUMPHANT FIST-PUMP, AWWWWWYEAH WORKING LINKS! \o\ \o/ /o/ \o/ \o\ \o/ /o/ \o/  \o\ \o/ /o/

Okay so "Church of Hot Addiction" is a really bad tune to listen to when I'm trying to write essays in the library because it makes me want to get up on this tiny desk and start shaking my hips and fist-pumping and singing my heart out!

Although it does seem like I write the best stuff whenever I've got really pumping, fast-beat music on. I always thought essay-writing music should be calm and non-distracting, like Explosions in the Sky or Air or Death Cab or 65daysofstatic, but apparently I was wrong. The current iTunes playlist features Fall Out Boy, Rammestein, Led Zepplin, Cobra Starship, My Chemical Romance, Dragonforce, The Misfits, Muse, Mindless Self Indulgence, Bad Religion, Amanda Palmer, Panic! At The Disco, The Dresden Dolls, Rob Zombie, Kansas, Boston, Styx, AC/DC, Tori Amos, The Caesars, Saliva, Daft Punk, Chris Cornell, Static-X, We Are Scientists, Hole, Rodrido Y Gabriela etc etc.

I love music so much

10 days of bitching and bewailing boys and a simple text asking do i want to go out for dinner tonight is making my heart pound in my chest and a stupid smile appear on my face. Something to work towards.

5702/7000 come on

Six weeks since updating and no doubt this entry I start with good intentions will descend into a series of convoluted explanations and a dull chain of events (nowhere near as theraputic, except depending on where you stand)

I had to take off my watch to start typing this - what does that say about me?

Theoretically, the best way to do this would be to choose - find a point, fix myself to it (stick my courage to the sticking place but I cannot wash things away, just like she cannot remove the spots from her hands) and progress. Move forward and breathe. That's not the way this story goes; it's not who I am, I am a jumble of inadaquaces that I manage to conceal until I am actually needed in a tangible way.

I'm about to spill my innards before you all now; not just the pretty image of the heart glistening and vibrant with life, but the visceral content of my body and all the sick little truths that comprise this sad frame I call myself.

I am ill, currently. I have spent the last 3 days vomiting my guts up, having horrible nausea, migraines, fevers, cold sweats and miserable moods. There is nothing I hate more than nausea. I prefer to spill my guts out constantly for a day rather than to be nauseous for a week.

I had no heating for 5 days. I don't believe this helped this flu that I have been sensing for about a week now. So bad that I could see my breath before me a few nights, and that's not a metaphor.

I work. I work at Fab Cafe, a movie memorabilia bar, that I adore but i missed a shift to flyer tonight. Three strikes in less than 6 months, you're out? I imagine so.

There are debt collectors after me still. I don't know how to deal with them and I would rather sell a kidney than have to deal with debt problems ever again.

I have 9 piercings now. 3 in each ear, my nose, my lip (off to the side) and my tongue. My tongue hurt like a bitch and i hope i never have to take it out because i probably would not get it done again.

My dad had a health scare recently. Within the last 2 months, he started having chest pains that were causing his left side to go numb-ish. He went through a series of blood tests, ECGs and, finally, stayed in the hospital for 5 days worth of monitoring roughly 2 weeks ago. All I wanted was to be home even though I would have just been a wreck. They still haven't figured out what's wrong but it's not his heart - or not obviously his heart. He's massively cut down on his smoking and drinking and now goes for walks in the evening. I've been so scared for him - I haven't been able to shake the feeling under my skin that I was going to have to bury my father before I hit 25.

I began to cut myself off from a circle of people I started to care about because I felt I was losing them. Better to be the one to cut cord than to be the one hanging on. I am revising this plan of action but I don't actually think my initial knee-jerk fear was so wrong.

I haven't smoked since before Christmas, I haven't self-harmed in 4 months and I've changed my medication again. I keep starting over again - maybe one of these times I'll get it right.

Of my close circle of girls (there are a circle of 4 and numberous other singulars), one is engaged and another is expected a child. I am so scared, the world gets older everytime I close my eyes.

Bandom is still my closest addiction and fandom right now. Recently, I have been not worthy of note in any endeavour I set myself in, particularly my co-mod status in super_bandom but I've been working on my return.

In the past 2 weeks, I have spent nights in the library until midnight, studying and reading and enjoying being a student. I have forsaken all others, shaking off ties of friendship (arguably, and I am a contrary enough bitch to argue the point) in order to work on my degree. This has also lead to my return to writing and art and creation. It feels like some of my cells are being reborn. that is such a ridiculously pretentious English-student way of putting it, but it is the truth. I have missed it, like I miss my home or the feel of my mum's arms or a small scrap of paper/single 0001011010101010001 that comprise a message that read "i miss you, i think of you, where are you?"

My faith is a contentious issue at the best of times but this year I am taking part in Lent. I am giving up swearing and asking for sponsorship. Everyday I fail, I make up the money I should have made that day. At the end of Lent, I plan to donate my scrapings to the charity my mum has founded. There are, however, exceptions to my rule. Swearing in songs (mild, borderline inoffensive as I am going to see the Cobras and Fall Out Boy before the end) and during seminars where our poets swear (Swift, I am looking at you) and for fiction/RP purposes. Myself, as a person, an entity, shall not swear. So the theory goes.

I am single and lonely but "the best of us can find happiness in misery". I tasted the misfortune of trying something, knowing it was unlikely to work and i broke myself, twisted my heart into knots trying to not be such a "fuck-up" and allow this genuinely amazing guy into my life. He is still in my life, but as a friend. It's better this way. It doesn't stop the pain I felt during the period or the pain I feel I have caused him, but I believe that this is for the best.

My skin itches for a tattoo. "I Have Been All Things Unholy" "The fall shall further the flight in me", "I went under the sea. I have been dead, and yet am not alive, but let me rest still", "your halo better gleam", "never knew a part of you you didn't set in ink" and/or "heed to your heart, and not to your wit". I feel it under my skin.

I am a self-depreciating, pitying little fuck and I hate myself for it sometimes.

I am going home for Easter. I will be home for my dad's birthday, and will belatedly celebrate my brother's 21st.

I am moving house at the end of this year.

Recently my geekery has diversified. I have been reading comic books beyond Sandman. "The Umbrella Academy", "Runaways", "Fables", "Lucifer", "The Boys", "Y: The Last Man" and "Watchmen" are all recent geek readings. It has been amazing and I want to try to write a dissertation/thesis next year on graphic novels//comics as representations of modern literature. "Watchmen" will really fucking help me out there. Movie - 2 weeks!

Sunday nights, with the exception of the past Sunday, have been reserved for me and rogue_dreams to watch Supernatural.

rogue_dreams has probably saved my life in subtle ways since the start of this year. She is my soul twin, my non-girlfriend, my Supernatural-watching partner. We don't need to spend an inordinate amount of time in each other's presence but I love it when we do. She's snarky and a bit of a bitch but in an awesome, take-no-bollocks kind of way that I desperately have needed and funny and fangirlish and what I would be like if I were more talented and more driven. I am, and I rarely use words like these, blessed to have her in my life.

I miss those of you I know online but I cut myself off from lj for periods of time because I believe I deserve you lot. Hence why I vanish. I am usually guilting myself somewhere or working or studying.

I cannot sleep tonight. I'm sweating from this fever but I'm cold and can't get comfortable and can't sleep more than 3 hours. I feel jumbled and slightly lost and it's not just illness that is causing this but I'll blame it on that tomorrow.

"Think of us at all, if not as lost" - where is that from? Have I studied that? It's in my head and daylight is filtering in and I am going to have a shower because it is 7am and I want to try and sleep this migraine-headpain off.  

right, seriously body, FUCKING PULL IT TOGETHER. this is reaching the point of NOT ON now. you have me sweating like a Vegas hooker in a confessional. and all i did was whisk pancake batter and cut carrots and leeks. WHAT IS THIS?

not on at all.

on brighter news! The Academy Is... are playing in Leeds towards the middle of next month when I shall be back at university so hurrah for that! Plus Fall Out Boy are playing the UK in October and then Cobra Starship are playing Leeds in January. Hurrah and good times! I plan to see them all.

Now!

MY FANDOM BIRTHDAY APPROACHES!!! \o/

Now, for those who have not been around for very long (hi guys!), I started this idea about 2-3 years ago as my general fandom birthday. It began originally as a Harry Potter fandom birthday but I've moved beyond that now.

The Idea of the Fandom Birthday is this: I give you presents. As, like, a thank you for being my friend and being in my fandoms. And this year I am:
1) actually definitely around for it and have time to do the gifts
2) have an entire new bunch of people to love upon ♥
3) my darling wife waxrose is going on haitus very soon so i want this year to be special

Anybody who reads this is free to prompt - even if you've never commented or even spoken to me before~!

Any and all fandoms approved! Although I would really prefer if we stayed within the boundaries of what I know:
- Gaiman-world
- Supernatural
- Firefly/Buffy/Angel/Jossverse
- His Dark Materials
- Bandom
- Bleach
- CLAMP
- Full Metal Alchemist
- Legend of Zelda
- Silent Hill
- Dr. Who
- Saiyuki
- Joeyverse
- ZQL-verse
- South Park
- House

etc etc etc

So comment early! Comment often! Please be slightly specific with your prompts. Do you want art, fic, a fanmix or a combination? What fandom? Do you have a specific prompt? Does the rating bother you? Comment as many times as you like! Get on it, my friends!

♥ ♥

Lots of photos in this post! Be warned - even though I am going to put them behind cuts and the like.

Firstly. (a remention of last night) MY FUCKING BROTHER s;df;lsdkfsdkOH MY GOD

Second! Before work completely fucked me over (and fucked me off) yesterday I was pinned to Booth One (first drive through window) and did a few sketches in ink on napkins. Because there was boredom. >( SO! Have images of Mikey Fucking Way and Frank dealing with a zombie, random princess girl and zombie!Mikey Way. Which is the order I did them in. The Mikey-and-Frank-ZOMBIE pic was done as I was thinking about a part from bexless's fic about Frank-And-Gerard. Except Frank and Mikey were facing a werewolf in that image.

( ART )


Fourthly! This is mainly aimed at crazychickencow and related to the Bandom!Zombie!Vampire!AU I'm writing now.

So! I have not bought a music magazine in about 2 years but I was down the street early for work one day last week, wandered innocently into Easons (to look at canvas's hush) and picked up Film and Rock Sound. Rock Sound had posters with it. My Chemical Romance posters. AND ONE OF THE IMAGES WAS THIS.

( GOD WANTS ME TO WRITE THIS FIC )

SERIOUSLY. FIRST MAGAZINE IN YEARS AND TALKING NON-STOP ABOUT ZOMBIE!VAMPIRE!BANDOM!FIC FOR WEEKS AND THE POSTERS I GET HAVE BLOODY!MCR!ZOMBIES. \o/ God loves me and wants this fic. I am convinced.

Fifth! I love ink. I like to work with ink and i like to finger paint. and i LOVE improving old half-finished awful pieces of art.

( LIKE SO )

Sixth. I have uploaded more icons! Love me some icons. AND ALSO HAVE BLOODY/ZOMBIE ICONS! \o/ good times GREAT DAYS. So expect them used a lot. YAY!

Seventh. Um....my brother is going to teach me to play bass a little. And has agreed with little-to-no argument about teaching me My Chemical Romance songs. \o/

Eighth. PANIC AT THE DISCO - LESS THAN TWO WEEKS - OH MY GOD

Nineth. I love tea. I love tea SO FUCKING MUCH

October october october october!

Dark Art Commeth. But probably late as I am in work at 4. Boooooo.

paradigmlost just dropped from campfuckudie and I just read the last thread between Roxas and Axel. And I cried. :(

So there will probably be tragic!AkuRoku art in the next few days.

AND MY FUCKING ART PROGRAMS. Somebody help me out as Open Canvas tells me my trail version is expired whenever it's a fresh download. Bastard. BASTARD.

PLUS! I am making a Hallowe'en/Dark!Art fanmix so any dark/sexy/fucked-up/hallowe'en songs you have? PLEASE TO BE PIMPING THEM OUT!

♥ ♥