klena: (never compromise)
Today I am supposed to be at 1998 words in my second essay and i'm not. i'm at 970 words and i don't know what i can do. this essay isn't right, i feel like i don't know what i'm writing and the argument isn't right and i can't write 4000 words of this essay. i don't even know what to say.

and i broke my bed, so i'm probably going to have to pay for repairs to that because the headboard's been creaking all year and now, NOW, it decides to snap and break and fuck.

it's my last week of university and i feel nothing but tired and old and drained. i feel like i've got nothing left and i want to curl up in my bed and cry and cry and cry.

fuck
klena: (like the blade you stain)
This is a grumpy!kat entry, wherein I am certain I am going to feel sorry for myself.

Before all that though. In case you hadn't heard, Saints won the Super Bowl WHO DAT. Taylor, a mate from animesoc, streamed the whole thing from his laptop to his TV and drank over the course of the night. It ended about 5am here. Uni on Monday was a particularly unpleasant experience from what he tells me. Poor lad. I didn't watch the game but my thoughts were there, especially considering the joy it's caused [livejournal.com profile] blondiusmaximus

whiny whine mope feeling sorry for self nonsense )

To conclude: gripe, whinge, grumble, sour face.

Although, [livejournal.com profile] hartclanpaladin, I got your lovely letter yesterday. the teabag has not been employed yet, but it will be. Thank you so much ♥

Anyone else want to get in on the grumbles? Or the hug times. Because I am all about the hugs? Hugs?
klena: (listening to our apocalypse suite)
So, it's the beginning of December. I've been in Leeds for 93 days which seems like a stupidly short time when it's reduced to days. The State of the Union post is delayed once again because about 3 weeks ago my laptop shut itself off. It wasn't the first time it had done this but instead of coming back on when I tried about an hour later it has refused to show any signs of life.

I'm currently using my housemate's old laptop (love hannah ;_;) but it doesn't recognise my external harddrive when it's plugged in nor does it have the majority of my bookmarks saved to it. In other words, I'm making excuses for not being around.

Another reason for not being around yet again is due to final year. I'm not so much being raped by my degree as constantly being told "AGAINST THE WALL NOW" at multiple points over the last 10 or so weeks.

I'm doing okay though. I've just been going back over my few lj entries from the last year or so and realising just how things have changed for me.

. I'm with someone - granted, not officially but we are a couple regardless of titles. Sometimes we are practically in each others brains but we're doing okay for 7 months. It's the longest one man has been in my life. It's not easy - we both have talked about how it's not easy for us; he owns his own business and this is my final year of university but we do our best to make it work. And, in his own words about a month ago, he "wouldn't change a second of the last 6 months". He's been so good for me. Yes, it sucks having to fight to spend time with him but even if I head to his when he's working, I have nothing to do but work so I've been working far harder than I have done every other year I've been here at university.
. I'm off medications. Did I ever tell anyone that? I came off my medication sometime before Easter, as far as I can remember, because I wanted to try depression on my own terms and learn how to cope with myself when I am sad. And I've had a few patches. I was a ball of horrible venomous rage over the summer because I was working myself to death and I had a 'bad week' about two weeks ago where I had no desire to work, to eat, to get out of bed and I was just sad all the time. It's still lingering but I'm working hard to not let it cripple me.
. I'm actually working on my degree. Besides doing my core work, I'm reading beyond my module. I'm trying to make my brain better
. I don't have a job anymore. I quit Fab in April and got with Dave my last day. It's funny to say that because I was working last night to cover for everyone else but it's made life a little tougher regarding budgeting and in another way it's made things easier because I'm not stressing about working and losing my weekend because of late shifts.
. I'm not being creative. This is a minus for me but I haven't been overly creative in probably months. Tons of ideas for art bouncing around my head and the desire to flesh out characters and be more involved in online RPs but that's hard to do when you fight to spend time with someone and be a good housemate and not fail your degree.
. The end of that last point pretty much sums up my life actually. Being a housemate, being a partner, being a student.

Things aren't so bad. I'm still very hard on myself. I hate myself sometimes and god, I get so lonely other times and I feel like nobody cares about me. I need affection and to be reminded that people care about me except I can never ask for such things. And it's stupid and immature and a failing of mine. But maybe one day I'll be beyond it.

I was toying with the idea of New Years Letters. Would anyone be interested?
klena: (ryro + bden <3 internets)
The rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated!

God, it's been weeks since I last updated or even talked to most of you properly! Let's recap briefly, shall we?

Work like the hounds of hell were on my back. Summer scheme until the Friday before I went away. Work Saturday - babysat Sat night.
Work Sunday,
Work Monday,
off Tuesday - got piercings, hair done, had meal with Libby and Jules and summer scheme people, Wednesday! FINAL SHIFT AT WORK! (looked really special with plasters on my face though, ha ha ha)
Finished up work
Impromptu night of Guitar Hero and alcohol and fun with people from McDonalds! Last people fucked off at 5am. 5am!!
Slept
DID NOT PACK A THING UNTIL 9am that morning, the day I was leaving (and my flight was at 1), almost missed my flight because I got caught up in security and, oh yeah, I HAVE A HOUSE!

I have a new address in Leeds! So, update your info, mofos!

Kathryn Denvir
11 Thornville Grove
Hyde Park
Leeds
LS6 1JU

There is also something else I did...

Thou shalt not make cuttings in your flesh like the dead )

So. That is the rundown of my life so far! On the forthcoming list!

- I have a bunch of photos to put up of my summer because some of it was awesome,
- Take photos of the new house once i've started proper decorating (I moved in on Monday, Andy hasn't moved in yet and mum is arriving with the majority of my stuff tonight)
- I've to upload the Panic!At The Astoria music clips for [livejournal.com profile] sekkritbandomlj
- Sort out university course (there was a cock-up with my transfer file so i am logging onto servers with Andy's name and can't register for this year's modules :( )
- Show people my Wentz-face that I have started to pull
- Goddamn, [livejournal.com profile] peterickfics art prompt! 24th Sepemter!
- Buy tickets! The Academy Is.... 2 weeks time! Leeds!
Gym Class Heroes Day after TAI...!!
Fall Out Boy October. Need to decide which venue - [livejournal.com profile] blindeadmcjones still coming with?
Sia(??) ...October/November time?
Tilly And The Wall(??) November, I think
Cobra Starship JANUARY!!
- Uselessly repeat to myself that no, bandom has no taken over my life
- Get a job.
- Signed up for [livejournal.com profile] mcrhalloween

There are other things, fun fandom things but I will get around to those. Just as soon as I get internet in the house (or earlier) and get back into the swing of Leeds life.

In unrelated uni talk/rambling/camwhoring
klena: (her colour bleached by blood)
Okay so. Story of my life.

My life is hectic right now. As in Surviving On Caffeine, Swinging Between Mania and Passing Out, Headless Chicken, Being Cased By A Serial Killer Looking To Make A Suit Out Of My Skin Hectic.

Last week was summer scheme, work, cleaning, sorting out loans, emailing about houses, phoning about houses, not sleeping much, Dublin with June and Jules from Thursday to Friday. Train breaks down on Friday afternoon - Libby's boyfriend breaks up with her and we are stuck in the middle of the countryside. Finally get to a stop at 7pm, mum picks us up at 8, we get to Libby at 9, stay with her until 2. Work work work.

Let's breakdown my schedule at the minute, from yesterday.

Tuesday Summer scheme from 10am until 4. Got home, helped mum apply for student loan for me, slept for an hour, out with Girls for final Tuesday Night Congregation. See Batman again, terrorise Tesco, take photos, leave my house at 3:40am
Wednesday Up at 9am for summer scheme. 10-3. Into work from 4-close (midnight or so)
Thursday Summer scheme until 3, work from 4 to close
Friday Summer scheme until 3, work from 4 to close
Saturday Taken someone's 12-8 shift
Sunday Swapped next week's shift, 4-close
Monday On the open, 7-4
Tuesday Off but meeting Jules And Libby
Wednesday On an 11-7
Thursday Hopefully fly back to Leeds

....Plus I have to pack, sort out flights, a place to stay when I'm there and sort out my debt.

Fuck. fuck!

So I am sort of on hiatus at the minute, as I am shit. :(

Happy belated birthday to [livejournal.com profile] sekkritbandomlj and I'm sorry I haven't produced anything for you yet!

Happy early birthhdays to [livejournal.com profile] whitehaiku, my beloved big brother and [livejournal.com profile] waxrose, my beautiful Canadian wife in case I am crap and do not get online during those days.

So. um. Will try to keep you all updated? Sorry for being crap at the minute. :(
klena: (do not ask)
Cobra Starship at playing in Leeds next Friday (possibly saturday?) at Cockpit. And I am not there. Fuck D:

- - - - - - - - - -

X the movie really is just the epitome of "rocks fall, everybody dies" joke, right? I watched it before I went back to work on Tuesday and it was a little strange! Good going X. Way to kill everybody.

- - - - - - - - - - -

I have been reaccepted to Leeds and managed to change my course successfully! Score one for me! \o/

I didn't realise just how nervous i was until i had to get Matt to open the letter in work this morning.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

People! Charlotte Sometimes - worth listening to? Y/N?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I am working closes for the next 4 nights. 4 nights of fucked up schedules. NOT SO MUCH MADE OF WIN WORK

- - - - - - - - - - - -

[livejournal.com profile] waxrose - i might need you to beta for me? Feel up for it?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I am about to waste the wages i am about to earn over the course of the next few days on new clothing and bandom related things online and i don't care. Good times great days.

[edit] mum and I just have. good times great days. even though i think i've just bought a Panic At The Disco t-shirt I'm not going to fit into. D:
klena: ({Uni})
Ok. So, in order.

Well Yoh. Your friends are dead. You have no energy left to summon Amidamaru. Have you given up? What do you say to my little proposal? Are you mine? )

OK. Artwork? Check

Fruits Baskets~! <3 Oh MAN have I fallen in love. I picked it up about...I dunno. Just before I left N.Ireland? And I could see the instant appeal - I understood why people liked it and cosplayed it and fangirl/boyed over it so.

And well...yeah I'm in love. I bought 4 yesterday and...oh gods. OK so 4 out of 4 volumes of Furuba have made me teary and choked-up but 4? I read it at 2(?) last night and just sat in tears. FLOODS OF TEARS. (I think also being slightly homesick and feeling sick were also getting to me BUT STILL)

So I really want an icon of Tohru and Rabbit!Momiji from Vol. 4. You know the image I mean. ;_;

Actually there was a lot of that manga that could have been iconned.

So yeah. Furuba = ♥

Now...

Fruits Basket fangirling? Check.

LITERATURE.

I JUST HAD AN AMAZING ENGLISH LECTURE. I mean, I had my seminar today with Dr. Higgins (who's particularly awesome~!) on 'Vathek' (fucking bonkers novel) but the lecture was on 'Great Expectations'. Who hasn't read 'G.E?' Me~!

So I went into the lecture (4pm - batteries starting to wind down) and took, like, 4 pages of notes in shorthand and it...it MADE ME THINK. That sounds really stupid, doesn't it? But what I mean is that I was challenged on an intellectual level that I haven't been for the past year or so (I mean study wise, obviously). And the lecture was -interesting- because he talked about "Little Britain" being a contemporary of "Great Expectations" (yes, the T.V show.) and he compared it to "The Turn of the Screw" and he *fanboyed* over Henry James and said at one point
"The version we've assigned for the course also has 'The Aspen Papers' in the book and it's the best short story in the world ever....OK, so now that we've established that fact!"


But...I realised that, even though I love my Japanese class - and I really do - I'm enjoying English on another level that is sorta higher but yet not. Does that make sense?

OK. Literature? CHECK!

I am DONE!

I am also meant to be going out in about an hour for a Japanese Society meeting. Therefore I need to get -Five- done before I go, me thinks!

(now do I use a literary icon or a different icon? Decisions decisions~!)
♥~!
klena: (how I survive)
just trying to have some fun

I am really tired. So tired infact that I slept for a whole 12 hours. The past few weeks my usual has been about 6-7. Is BAD.

But anyways! I forget to go on yesterday due to uni stuff so...

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY [livejournal.com profile] hartclanpaladin~! My darling husband~! I'll get something sent to you as soon as I can but....art? Whatida fancy? Request an arty thing and I shall be all over it!! Like an Artist over an...arty...thing...ANYWAYS! ♥ ♥

I have a ton of Japanese work to do this weekend. And what me sit here and procrastinate! Huzzah!

I have stuff to say about Matt if anyone fancies hearing it as I rang him last night at his request. And now I feel. Content. But not overly due to him. Weird.

[livejournal.com profile] togeira! I'm wearing my t-shirt that's going to be the Tree T-shirt! XD

AND NOW! ANY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCENTMENT~!!!

OCTOBER IS COMING! And, as some of you may now, I have adopted the Noble [livejournal.com profile] kacfrog711-Sama's Dark!Art October idea. The basic idea is that YOU LOT request disturbing ideas, fandom related pain/angst/bloody/destructive stuff. And I draw. For example last year there was:
Tom Riddle preforming and Unforgivable
"God Hurts Those He Loves" - Weiss Kreuz Farfello/Schu
Kami-sama on a throne of skulls with Ginkaku and Kinkaku
and um...I dunno. Other DARK THINGS!

So request dark-destructive stuff!

Fandoms I specialise in~!
- Harry Potter
- Shaman King
- Final Waltz
- Gundam Wing
- Saiyuki
- Tsubasa
- XxXholic
- Good Omens
- Legend of Zelda
- Sandman
- Fruits Basket
- Legal Drug
- D.Grey-Man
- Tokyo Babylon
- Full Metal Alchemist
- Kingdom Hearts

SO REQUEST! I'll even take Fandom I don't know if the request is tempting enough. :D

[Eta.]

OOOH! Music request! I have no downloading system so anyone who can pimp out the following will be LOVED LIEK WOAH

= The Coral - "Dreaming Of You"
= Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
= Shakira - "Hips Don't Lie"
= Neon Genesis Evangelion - Opening Theme
= Feeder - "Buck Rogers"
- "Come Back Around"
- "Just The Way I'm Feeling"
= Outkast - "Ms. Jackson"
- "Whole Wide World"
= Queen - "Don't Stop Me Now"
= Cyndi Lauper - "Time After Time"
= Violent Femmes - "Blister In The Sun"

♥ ♥
klena: (Default)
Um

I just got confirmation of my accomodation in Leeds.

I guess I'm really leaving, aren't I?


[Edit - 8:30]

Of course, that doesn't seem that bad when he lets you down again without telling you. /end cryptic
klena: (snuggly)
WHEEEE~~~~!! I got out of work almost 35 minutes today but I. don't. care. I don't care! And why do I not care? Why did customers bitching at me not affect me today?

Was it to do with the fact that I'm off tomorrow? Perhaps.
Was it to do with the fact that this Sunday will be my 3 month anniversary in McDonalds? Maybe.
Was it to do with the fact that I got a letter this morning? Yes.

And what did this letter say?

I GOT INTO LEEDS UNCONDITIONALLY~~!!!!


I'm off tomorrow! I'll be drawing porn~! Actually, I'll draw anything. So INSPIRE ME - SUGGEST SOMETHING.

And tomorrow I could be talking to [livejournal.com profile] waxrose :DDD. Actually, doll, I need to email you my numbers, yeah? Let's go do that now! *goes and does so* Done!

:DDDDD

That is all~!

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