We're all ghosts

Cut because it probably only interests me

( if ever I did a good deed, i do repent it now - Titus Andronicus )

I feel the comment about my essay offering "no great surprises or original insights" is a little harsh because it is Shakespeare and people have been writing commentary on him for nigh on 400 years, but whatever the markers say! I'm not disputing my mark.

I have my Shakespeare exam on Tuesday and I am currently failing at studying.

I don't know how to study for this exam. The last Shakespeare exam I studied for was my A-Level "King Lear" exam and that was easy because we're studied one play for a semester, so the play was solid in my head, all I needed to learn was quotes.

I don't know about this exam. We have 3hrs 15 minutes to write 3 essay answers. 1 is an extract question and the other 2 are wider essays questions. Including the extract question, I have to write on 4 plays.

I feel like I don't know what to write about. The plays I've chosen to revise (because studying all 8 was never going to happen), I'm uncertain about. What if I get questions where I can't link two of the plays together? What if all the little bits and pieces I know about Shakespeare and the other plays I won't be revising won't be enough to save me?

I'm stressed, but not in a good way. I am procastinating, spending my time on the internet, not doing anything productive. I feel sad and disconnected from everything. I feel like I don't have anyone right now. I feel like the people I call my friends, that I am a bother to them. Dave is away to see his family this weekend and there's some serious stuff going on there. I don't want to be the pathetic girl who needs her head patted and loved and reassured. But I am, at least at the minute.

I'm supposed to be going out tonight with all my house and our friends because it is Leah and Becky's joint-birthday celebration, but I can't muster the energy for it. I haven't even been able to drag myself to the shower and I've been awake for 4 hours.

I feel out of the world. And I don't know what to do.

I need to shower and revise and put on clean clothes. Let's see if I can manage that

Important List of University Study To Be Done At Nirish Base

- Rewrite Milton notes
- Rewrite Shakespeare notes (also downloading "Richard III" lecture I didn't listen in)
- Rewrite "Stories of the Eye" notes
- Reread "Othello"
- Reread "The Merchant of Venice"
- Reread "As You Like It"
- Reread "The Winter's Tale"
- Reread "Richard III"
- Reread "Titus Andronicus"
- Reread "The Birth of Tragedy" - Nietzsche
- Read more of "Paradise Lost"
- Read "Henry IV Part 1"
- Read "The Doctrine and Discipline of Divorce" - Milton
- Plan Milton essay: God is wrong and Satan is misguided because God is wrong
- Plan "Stories of the Eye" essay: ???? The problems and anxiety of the male gaze
- Critical reading: Milton and Satan

Gagh, body, why you gotta be hating on me? You have been very lovely to me today and I highly appreciate that (including the constant energy, although maybe that's just what sunlight does to me - HI SUN, SHINE ON MEEEEEEEE~~~~). HOWEVER! Yesterday was NOT ON, fever and killer cramps and migraine and feeling pitiful. And Dave saw me being all PMS-y and feeling horrible! Do not like. Although he was really good about it :) Well, after the mockery ♥

I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO THIS WEEK, FUCK.

I emailed my tutor to say I wouldn't be in today's Milton seminar because I was crap and passed out at Dave's last night when I meant to go home and do my homework and I didn't want to turn up to his class without having done my work and avoid talking all class because that is just shit of me. Although I didn't say that in the email. I told him I'd been ill yesterday (which was true, fucking migraine and fever. I could not stop fluctuating between being too hot or too cool) and wasn't feeling great today either (which was a white lie...okay it was a lie DON'T JUDGE ME, IT WAS FOR GOOD REASONS!). So I'm going to tomorrow's class instead which destroys my day off, but I also have a rescheduled "Stories of the Eye" class as well.

All this would be fine if I didn't have two 1700 words essays for Thursday. 3200 words! Bastards. It's my own fault for leaving it so late but it's really hard starting work early! I need pressure! Although, generally when pressure starts, my body decides it is the perfect time for sleeps. Oh what's that? Book to read for tomorrow and present to the class? I'll just get myself settled anzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Which is exactly what my body is trying to do to me now. Bad show, old boy.

I wish I didn't get so wound up about the work either. I mean, these are unassessed essays! As long as I hand them in, none of the marks go towards my final grade, but handing them in is the most important part because otherwise they don't let you pass the module without anything higher than a 40 mark (basic Pass). I cannot let such things happen.

So. Two essays. One will be on Satan and the other will be on....something. "Stories of the Eye" is really worrying me because a) I haven't done that much research yet and b) it is more theoretical and exploring visual representation in literature. And that is HARD, okay, the classes are really intense and intellectual and AWESOME but HARD. So. Mild panic.

Normally I would just leave all the work until the night before but I cannot write two essays in one night, I am NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO DO THAT (do you hear me brain?). Because I will have a mental breakdown and probably hyperventilate and cry or some shit. BAD TIMES (do you hear me brain?)

Also, we have to read "Titus Andronicus" for Friday's Shakespeare class. Which I am okay about (sort of, I may have nightmares about all the violence and rape and mutilation) but it's at the end of the week and I will probably be dying. (Because I also plan on celebrating essay hand-ins by ACTUALLY GOING TO ANIMESOC ON THURSDAY. Shocking, I know) Not because I'm hungover, but because I'm tired. I got Dave to download the Julie Taymore movie from 1999. A clip of it was shown today in our lecture. It looks like an awesome adaptation. But, y'know, ultimately horrifying. Damn you Shakespeare!

So it is a long week! And because I am currently suffering the trials of womanhood (and isn't that nicer than saying 'on the rag'), I'm extra sensitive and moany and bollocks. However, getting through this week will lead into a) time with Dave b)the last week of term before Easter c) St. Patrick's Day and d) The Skin Two Fetish Ball or Wendyhouse. This week is the war before the peace.

I can get through this. Then I have a month to relax and catch up on work and legitimately veg out.

Dave has also been expanding on my miserable movie education, bless his heart. For those not in the know, my movie experiences are woeful. All those amazing movies that everyone cries out that you need to see? I've seen 20 minutes of. Or the last half. Or bits and pieces of, as I flicked through channels. In the last 5 days or so, I have watched "The Hurt Locker", "Pulp Fiction", "Lucky Number Slevin", "Eurotrip", "The Crazies" and maybe something else....Maybe it was more "Viva La Bam", we have been ploughing through that. But in conclusion, I need to watch more movies. Or actually watch all of them.

My plan now is to get into some hella comfy sweats, grab my Milton homework, switch Titus on and go to sleep early. Gotta work! Gotta feel the burn!

This is a grumpy!kat entry, wherein I am certain I am going to feel sorry for myself.

Before all that though. In case you hadn't heard, Saints won the Super Bowl WHO DAT. Taylor, a mate from animesoc, streamed the whole thing from his laptop to his TV and drank over the course of the night. It ended about 5am here. Uni on Monday was a particularly unpleasant experience from what he tells me. Poor lad. I didn't watch the game but my thoughts were there, especially considering the joy it's caused blondiusmaximus

( whiny whine mope feeling sorry for self nonsense )

To conclude: gripe, whinge, grumble, sour face.

Although, hartclanpaladin, I got your lovely letter yesterday. the teabag has not been employed yet, but it will be. Thank you so much ♥

Anyone else want to get in on the grumbles? Or the hug times. Because I am all about the hugs? Hugs?

hahahaha, I swore that line was "cause I keep fighting wolves at night". Apparently not.

I am trying to do my Shakespeare homework for Friday so Dave doesn't kill me when I have to do it on Thursday night/Friday morning. However, the homework is pretty much
1. Read "Othello" (i really should get on that)
2. Put together my own annotated bibliography on Shakespeare.

....turns out a lot of fucking people have written on Shakespeare. a lot of fucking people, writing a lot of fucking stuff. interesting sounding stuff.

damn you shakespeare!!

in other news, can we talk about the line "i'm like a virgin losing a child". how awesome is that line? how much does that say to you?