We're all ghosts

So, as Death Cab for Cutie sang, it's the new year. 2012 is upon us which is great because a really good chunk of 2011 seriously sucked dick. There were a lot of questions about almost everything in my life, including my mental health and my coping abilities.

However, I made it through the year. I've got a lot of work to do this year. I need to spend more of it away from Dave. Not because I don't love him, I really do, but I'm always quite close to that "I could strangle you" boundary because I spend something like 80% of my week with him. Yes, really, we live together and work together and spend most of our nights together. Which sometimes is amazing. Othertimes, I just want to be living on my own in a house I've decorated by myself and doing exactly what I do or don't want to do with my evenings.

But that's relationships. Just before my birthday (and hey, yeah, I'm totally 25 now - first quarter of a century over me! I will accept all rounds of applause) I redrafted my CV and applied for a bunch of jobs. My aim is to have one before January is over, although I know how hard things are in this climate.

But I am getting ahead of myself! This is my first post of 2012 just to let everyone know that I made it out alive as apparently every Twitter crossposting service I used over the course of the year have just died. And none of my Tweets were shipping over so anyone who hasn't/doesn't follow me on Twitter probably thinks this is an abandoned journal. It's not, I promise! Also, our internet and phoneline went down the day after I got home so I was an entire 10 days without any of the internet. Oh the internet, it's strange how I both did and did not miss you!

I will recap Christmas and all that jazz tomorrow, I think, as I have photos and stuff to put up including just thoughts I want to get out but for now, I just want to say this:

I hope you had an amazing festive season, with loved ones or having adventures or having a quiet family affair. You all still mean so much to me, even though I am so absent, but you are all still always in my thoughts. I love you. Let's make this year glorious ♥

How weird is it that as soon as I sign up for the two week free Paid LJ trial I suddenly have very little to say? Good job me, all that extra icon space going to waste! That really is the only reason I see to have a Paid account - all the extra icon space. I don't really use any of the other features.

The past week has been a tangle of house hunting and various social activities. There was a friend's 25th birthday last Friday where we all went out to Thai Cottage and had lovely Thai food. It was awesome because there was about 20 of us there and the night was going exceedingly well until I had an afterdinner mint and broke off a good 40% of one of my teeth. Luckily (?) it was a tooth I've had a HUGE root canal done on, so I wasn't in pain but the break was so sharp that I couldn't talk or swallow without pain because the broken edges kept rubbing my tongue raw ;____; Which resulted in little sleep that night and stumbling to Boots at 8am on Saturday morning to buy a temporary filling kit. Which, o be fair, did the trick until I got to the dentist on Monday morning.

Saturday was house-hunting then catching up on Friday night sleep and then Eurovision at Sci-Fi House. Absolutely hilarious, even if Azerbijan were blatantly not the best entry. Boooooooooo. Then we watched "Zombie Women of Satan" and "Black Sheep" - both awful and hilarious! Lots of boobs and blood and zombie sheep. Excellent night!

[edit] OH GOD HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT NEIL GAIMAN'S "DOCTOR WHO" EPISODE?! My heart! The TARDIS and the Doctor! All the tension! It was amazing and some was quite creepy and it made my heart clench a lot. Then Confidential had Neil talking about it and narrating some of the script and my heart! The noises I made that only whales could hear! ♥

Rest of the weekend passed uneventfully and the week has been strange too. Especially as we're having Mother's Meeting tonight because Em couldn't make it last night. So I'm all a muddle! We were supposed to view another house tonight but they cancelled because the decorators have started painting and all that jazz so it wasn't suitable for visits. Boooooooo.

At least there will be tasty curry noms tonight! And excellent company too, of course.

The lovely rogue_dreams made me a little crotchet-bobble Bat Luck Cat and it is adorable! Also, considering my luck the last few weeks/months it fits perfectly! In the last week I have managed to: break a tooth, swallow temporary filling, strained my eyes, lose my housekeys WHILST I AM IN THE HOUSE, banged into a box that HAS NOT MOVED in 4 months and broke a drawer. Something about May clearly doesn't like me! /o\

The past few weeks have been filled with fucktons of "Inception" and "The Social Network" fanficcs. It's strange, but in all the years I've been in fandoms, these are two that have really, really grabbed me! Probably because the quality of writing in them is so phenomenally high, it's astounding. I also have been saving .gifs like they are going out of fashion. So many excellent .gifs! Hilarious and heart-breaking! My favourite kinds of .gif. Share some of my joy!

I feel like a bad person for it but I am dying to download "The Fame Monster". Oh Lady Gaga, why must you make such catchy tunes that earworm me and then be so amazingly dedicated to being so fucking wierd? Such a girlcrush on that lady.

I am in the wastelands of Nireland once more! I'm worried because this trip will be the longest I've been home since summer and then I was working two jobs so the summer went stupidly quick (as far as I can remember, I think I've blocked most the trauma out. \o/? )

Part of me also feels a little bad that I didn't find it as hard to say goodbye to Dave as I did at Christmas or during the summer. Is that wrong? Maybe it's a good sign? I don't know. Emotionally fail, right here.

Luckily my grand plans for being here do not consist of very much more than catching up on my reading from uni ('sup Shakespeare and Milton and Nietzsche) and writing up notes and maybe, just maybe, starting on my two 4000 word essays for Milton and Stories of the Eye.

Side note: Bataille's "Stories of the Eye" was strange and slightly disappointing and horrifying. It's stuck with me.

Part of me also wants to get my creative ass into gear and:
- finalise the Doldrums design
- write some more Lucasta
- get involved in new ZQL postings
- start work proper on Leeds Animesoc Zombie Manga
Whether this happens remains to be seen.

16 days at home. Today is day 2 and my little brother's birthday. He's 22. I'll be 24 in December. This amazes me in multiple different ways. Mama Denvir will be returning to Leeds with me on the 14th. And meeting Dave.

My Creative Vision W Zen player that came travelling with me still does not work but I swore I was going to be able to fix it because I had firmware software to repair it with. Except the computer doesn't even recognise it. Sadface is sad :(((((

I am now going to go and create a list of Things Wot To Ackomplish.

....So....are Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer engaged? Twitpic from Neil has a photo with Amanda with what looks like an engagement ring on her finger.

In other news, 'sup exam in 20 hours and oh god am i not ready for it. I think I might actually have a heart attack

My brain hurts, I haven't showered in 6 days, my eyes are aching and my wrists are protesting against the overusage forced upon them the past 6 days.

I can't do this. I get bursts of energy, I've written 600 words from 12 to 2 but I have done nothing this hour. because I'm tired and I don't want to do this anymore.

I want to sit in bed. I want cuddles from Dave because I haven't seen him since New Year's Day. I want to fight with someone. I want to dress up and go out and have a nice night with people. I want to write my New Years Letters because I have not had the time to yet. I want to go out and play in the snow. I want to go food-shopping because my cupboards are empty.

i want.

just a pity that i can't. 45 hours to the first deadline, 48 hours to the second deadline. 2000 words to go. Half one essay and the finalisation of the second.

i'm so tired

It is before midday, I have almost exactly 7 days to write and submit a 3000 word essay (and 7 days and 4 hours to write and submit a 4000 word essay).

Is it wrong of me as a student of academia to think that writing on cultural studies makes me feel a little wrong? It's highly strange to have to produce 3000 words that are my own opinion as explored and augmented with other critical commentary.

Of course, the difficult thing is that I am quite stressed at the minute and, as I have discovered from university CALM websites and depression and a myriad of other sources, when you are stressed it is difficult for you to decide on 'things'. Unfortunately, this apparently also translates to having an opinion on works of anime. I don't think it would be conducive to my grade to write a 3000 word essay on how "Spirited Away" is just, like, really pretty? And easy watching?

....

No. Definitely not conducive.

Also, because this module is in the East Asian Department rather than my usual English Department hauntings, apparently there are different ways of referencing and writing the essay. This is highly perturbing!

I am totally being epic at procrastination. I am going to go to the department (pick up an essay writing guide), go to the union (pick up birthday card for granny and some brain food), try not to pull my hair out, re-watch "Spirited Away" in the library and then write at least 1000 words before midnight. Totally manageable, right?

Okay so. Story of my life.

My life is hectic right now. As in Surviving On Caffeine, Swinging Between Mania and Passing Out, Headless Chicken, Being Cased By A Serial Killer Looking To Make A Suit Out Of My Skin Hectic.

Last week was summer scheme, work, cleaning, sorting out loans, emailing about houses, phoning about houses, not sleeping much, Dublin with June and Jules from Thursday to Friday. Train breaks down on Friday afternoon - Libby's boyfriend breaks up with her and we are stuck in the middle of the countryside. Finally get to a stop at 7pm, mum picks us up at 8, we get to Libby at 9, stay with her until 2. Work work work.

Let's breakdown my schedule at the minute, from yesterday.

Tuesday Summer scheme from 10am until 4. Got home, helped mum apply for student loan for me, slept for an hour, out with Girls for final Tuesday Night Congregation. See Batman again, terrorise Tesco, take photos, leave my house at 3:40am
Wednesday Up at 9am for summer scheme. 10-3. Into work from 4-close (midnight or so)
Thursday Summer scheme until 3, work from 4 to close
Friday Summer scheme until 3, work from 4 to close
Saturday Taken someone's 12-8 shift
Sunday Swapped next week's shift, 4-close
Monday On the open, 7-4
Tuesday Off but meeting Jules And Libby
Wednesday On an 11-7
Thursday Hopefully fly back to Leeds

....Plus I have to pack, sort out flights, a place to stay when I'm there and sort out my debt.

Fuck. fuck!

So I am sort of on hiatus at the minute, as I am shit. :(

Happy belated birthday to sekkritbandomlj and I'm sorry I haven't produced anything for you yet!

Happy early birthhdays to whitehaiku, my beloved big brother and waxrose, my beautiful Canadian wife in case I am crap and do not get online during those days.

So. um. Will try to keep you all updated? Sorry for being crap at the minute. :(

this sleeping for 14 hours body, it needs to stop. i have shit to do! totally important stuff! argh. oh wait.

// ARGH IT WAS CLOSED. I RANG YESTERDAY FOR BLOOD TEST RESULTS AND THEY SAID TO RING BACK TOMORROW MORNING AND ARGH D:

Fail is my first last AND middle name. Damn.

So! hybrid_xisha pointed out in last night's journal entry that people might have been a little confused by my talk of THE FANDOM BIRTHDAY

I am wearing my awesome trilby hat right now and i feel like some strange steam-punk film noir-esq journalist. it is totally awesome

Let's start with some basic background. I am a fangirl is probably the very first basic fact. I'm pretty certain everyone that is reading this entry knows this but, just for those not in the know. I love to get involved in debates and discussions about movies, anime, tv shows, bands, music, comics, you name it but Northern Ireland hasn't been exceptionally good at producing fan-persons. (well except for McDonalds but that's only happened recently)

So, I came on the internets looking for people to chat to, back in the day when I was a total N00B and reading fanfiction (and writing bad-fic oh my god). And I found them and I loved it and here I am today. Into things I never imagined I might enjoy and with a bunch of awesome fandoms and awesome PEOPLE in each fandom - people I admire, people I love, people to bounce off with insane ideas, people to write for and who do things for me.

About 4 years ago I FINALLY started reading the Harry Potter books, after years of snorting derisively at them and I loved them. As most of the people who kept trying to get me to read them knew I would. So, in 2005, awaiting my A-Level results, I realised that August 10th 2004 was the day I said to my friend donal (who had been lending me the books to read) that I was totally into them. So I LJ posted and asked people to request things for my Harry Potter Fandom Birthday.

The idea behind it was to celebrate my being in the Harry Potter fandom by giving gifts to the magnificent people I had met due to being in the fandom. However, the next year I realised that being just a HP birthday limited quite a few on my F-list. So I expanded it to beyond just the HP fandom and made it all fandoms.

Last year, after Leeds, I wasn't quite in the right headspace for doing fandom birthday but this year, I've travelled. I'm more of a fangirl than ever, I have a bunch of awesome new people on my flist, I have new fandoms and I feel like celebrating more than ever this year.

Also, as I realised in a discussion with sekkritbandomlj last night, that I've actually been in fandom for about 8-9 years. Since I first was online, reading Legend of Zelda fanfiction, joining hybrid_xisha's ZQL list (through my beautiful, glorious big sis darth_zal). So, this is 9 or so years I am celebrating.

So that's the idea of Fandom Birthday. It's my way of celebrating each and every one of you. It's celebrating the things that have brought us together, it's challenging me to ACTUAL CONTRIBUTE TO FANDOM, it's reminding me of every fandom I loved, I lost, I still harbour a secret thing for, fandoms I don't know yet, fandoms I'm still tiptoeing around the edges of.

Hopefully that's explained the idea. So! With all that explained, I am totally expecting YOU ALL to go back two entries to the fandom birthday request post and get involved. You can totally request for fandoms I haven't listed - even your own RP 'verses as long as you give me enough information. Even comics, online comics, anything. Cross-over verses! Retelling myths with fandom characters! Making fanmixes! Icons! Art! Writing! I'm totally up for this and I want it.

Help me celebrate the things that keep me going.

♥ ♥ ♥

Supposed to be leaving for work in, oh, 10-15 minutes? I haven't even found my clean uniform yet.

HOW SO MUCH MADE OF FAIL, KATHRYN?

Although, on the plus side, Kev and I are both bringing our laptops into work tonight to exchange music and play our own stuff instead of the same This Is Middle Of The Road Generic Pop 67 or whatever it's called. It isn't actually that bad a compilation - it's just listening to it on repeat, all shift, 5 days a week means it gets a little old very quickly. Doesn't stop me singing along to Gym Class Heroes every time it comes on though.

Did not actually get to write any more of ZombieVampireBandom!AU fic last night as it was nearly 4 when i crawled into bed but I have been plotting! There will be more - oh yes, there will be more.

Okay. Now need to leave in about 5 minutes. /o\

SHIT

[edit] 555 entries!

[son of edit] using work wi-fi! good times! thanks mcdonalds! sometimes you don't suck as hard as i think you do!

[return of son of edit] /o\ BOYS WHY SO COMPLEX - WHY SO DETERMINED TO FUCK WITH MY MIND?

Look - I am alive! Yes, my friends, fear not - I have survived the vast plains of Japanada and have only a few more days here tragically! Am also ridiculously broke. :( This is not the best start to international travels!

So this is a short message to let you lot know that I am OK and enjoying myself and I hit the States on the 4th of Februrary. However, because I am retarded, I require help. Oh yes, I am of the special.

I need help finding somewhere to crash in LA for a few days until I can find a job that hopefully includes a space to stay in. I've got my godmother's nephew who lives in LA who's going to help me out finding a job, me thinks and with picking me up from the airport but! I need help. Does anyone have any suggestions? Comments? Mockery? I accept all!

Sorry guys!

♥ ♥