![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
New icon post primarily. Lyn-Z is one of my girl-idols.
Strange interim place currently. Dave and I aren't talking or even texting because I'm pissed at him for letting me down after exams finished and he...well, I can only speculate as to why he hasn't been in contact. He's forgotten about me (in the way that things slip his mind regularly), he's focused on work, he hasn't thought about me. Speculation but feels like there's flecks of truth there. And that's hard.
I don't want things to be over with him but I haven't seen him in a week and haven't spoken to him in 6 days. And I know that's not long but when you live in the same city, it's hurtful. So I've raged and been down and cried about him but now I'm just nowhere.
When I'm trying to sleep, I think about us and my heart drops to my stomach but only when I'm alone in bed. When I think about him any other time, there's just a sense of blurry resignment somewhere. That makes it sound like I've accepted defeat with us when I haven't. I just don't know what to do. Hence the lack of communication. I've had talks with people (housemates, uni friends, mum, dad) and the consensus seems to be to let him realise that he misses me and for him to get in contact.
I just worry that I'll be a long time waiting.
In other interim news, my Shakespeare module sort of fucked me over this week by announcing that, whereas in other modules it was acceptable to own non-recommended texts, with Shakespeare texts it is not as acceptable. It will "detrimentally affect" my studies. Because of the sheer volume of criticism and translation difficulties with Shakespeare. Now, if I had the money, I would have no problem buying the recommended Oxford/Arden/Cambridge versions. But I don't, unless I want to spend all of a week's budget on it.
Another point in the interim relates to uni again; one of the modules I was taking this semester was cancelled yesterday. This presents a problem because
1. I had already bought my books for Autobiographics
2. I like the books for Autobiographics
3. My budget is going to be destroyed by having to buy new books (see above paragraph)
4. There are not that many other modules that I wanted to do in the department.
5. This is the first week of Semester 2. It is more than likely I have missed any introductory lectures I was supposed to have.
The interim, ladies and gentlemen. Money, uni and men.
I wish I could say I was heartbroken and curled up on my bed but I'm not. But I'm not doing well emotionally, I guess. I don't feel like I'm feeling very much but that might just be my problems getting to sleep before 3am. Maybe. Or the post-exam cold that spreads around university and has hit Sheaf House at the minute.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive and need to harden the fuck up.
Strange interim place currently. Dave and I aren't talking or even texting because I'm pissed at him for letting me down after exams finished and he...well, I can only speculate as to why he hasn't been in contact. He's forgotten about me (in the way that things slip his mind regularly), he's focused on work, he hasn't thought about me. Speculation but feels like there's flecks of truth there. And that's hard.
I don't want things to be over with him but I haven't seen him in a week and haven't spoken to him in 6 days. And I know that's not long but when you live in the same city, it's hurtful. So I've raged and been down and cried about him but now I'm just nowhere.
When I'm trying to sleep, I think about us and my heart drops to my stomach but only when I'm alone in bed. When I think about him any other time, there's just a sense of blurry resignment somewhere. That makes it sound like I've accepted defeat with us when I haven't. I just don't know what to do. Hence the lack of communication. I've had talks with people (housemates, uni friends, mum, dad) and the consensus seems to be to let him realise that he misses me and for him to get in contact.
I just worry that I'll be a long time waiting.
In other interim news, my Shakespeare module sort of fucked me over this week by announcing that, whereas in other modules it was acceptable to own non-recommended texts, with Shakespeare texts it is not as acceptable. It will "detrimentally affect" my studies. Because of the sheer volume of criticism and translation difficulties with Shakespeare. Now, if I had the money, I would have no problem buying the recommended Oxford/Arden/Cambridge versions. But I don't, unless I want to spend all of a week's budget on it.
Another point in the interim relates to uni again; one of the modules I was taking this semester was cancelled yesterday. This presents a problem because
1. I had already bought my books for Autobiographics
2. I like the books for Autobiographics
3. My budget is going to be destroyed by having to buy new books (see above paragraph)
4. There are not that many other modules that I wanted to do in the department.
5. This is the first week of Semester 2. It is more than likely I have missed any introductory lectures I was supposed to have.
The interim, ladies and gentlemen. Money, uni and men.
I wish I could say I was heartbroken and curled up on my bed but I'm not. But I'm not doing well emotionally, I guess. I don't feel like I'm feeling very much but that might just be my problems getting to sleep before 3am. Maybe. Or the post-exam cold that spreads around university and has hit Sheaf House at the minute.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive and need to harden the fuck up.
