klena | Your solitude is welcome

I've been sorta absent, haven't I?

I'm sorry. I haven't meant to be. But it's the last day of a 6 day straight and I'm so tired. Oh God, I'm tired.

Your solitude is welcome, welcome
Your attitude is welcome, welcome
Your solitude is welcome, welcome
Your attitude is welcome, welcome

You are welcome
You are welcome

And I feel sad. I don't know why - I have no real reason for it.

I mean...

I went out on Saturday night with some of the work ones because Adrian (from work) had been working on his birthday. So we decided to take him out. Went out with a couple of people to Speedy's (which is a bar just down the road from me)

Now Matt (A.K.A 'The Boy') and I were getting along well but wise, wise mother said "Go out and JUMP on any boy that is *straightforward* about liking you". Wise woman.

Of course, that didn't happen. Matt text me asking was I meeting up with him and J.P for a carry out. I said maybe later - I was having fun in the bar etc etc. Then he rang me about an hour later. I missed the call and rang him back, ended up agreeing to meet him in about 20 minutes. Told the others I was heading for the carry-out or whatever. The others came with.

Drunken singing down the street and Kathryn (slightly drunk by this stage) saying "...WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS ALLEY?" (They were down an alley, by the way). Ended up finding them, then we all agreed to go upstairs in Hogans to a club with Nicki who had just got out of work.

I paid in for a bunch of us. Like 5 people because I wanted my mates there, y'know?

Actually I'm not sure how much more I'm going to type up of this.

ANYWAYS. Got into the bar, sat in between Matt and J.P and ended up with Matt's arm around my waist. Nicki saw this and shouted "WHERE IS YOUR ARM MY LAD?", laughing. Matt moved his arm up to around my shoulder and waved at her. Nicki laughed more.

So danced with the girls, Nicki asked me what was going on with Matt. I said, I hadn't a clue. (Which is true - AND STILL TRUE) and then MOTHERFUCKING HANDS IN UNEXPECTED PLACES. Random drunk lads? DO NOT GRAB AT ME BY MY INNER THIGHS kthnx?

So yeah, sat with Matt most of the night - he held my hands or had one arm around my waist or whatever and every now and again he would kiss my cheek. And I, being slightly drunk and unsure about what to do, just leaned against him.

Then, later, he kissed my neck...And then...he was kissing my cheek again and I moved my head and...yeah...So, it now hasn't been 7 years since I kissed a boy.

But...

Fuck, I don't know what GOING on with the WORLD because - because BOYS have been *asking* for my number! What the fuck? Things like that don't happen to me. And boys have been flirting with me - which never really happened before.

In other words? KATHRYN IS FUCKING CLUELESS.

And all I want is something. I dunno...Something from Matt to say "...yeah, I don't want you going out with other boys" or "yeah, it was sorta a mistake" (which people have told me it obviously isn't but I can't believe them unless I hear it from him, does that make sense?) And the best thing for me to do is just to text him and say "Matt, quick question - why did you kiss me on Saturday night?"

But I don't have the guts.

There is more to be said but I am yet to have food. And I need to get dressed as I need to head for work in, oh, 25 minutes?

I am fleeing now.

So, anyone who can offer me advice about boys - PLEASE DO.

xoxoxo