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klenaWarning! Introspection!
I'm in better form today. Which is majorly awesome. I got so angry at myself for being an emo kid teenager which I never really did. Every other teen I know has either gone through their 'OMG teh world SUKZ and I h8 evry1' stage or is going through it but I sorta bypassed that stage. Mostly because I was the one other people went to when they were in trouble. When Bec got her first letter from her father, she showed me first and asked me what to do. Laura even flat out told me one night during a MSN chat 'you know you're the only one I can talk to about this...You're like my mum but younger and cooler.' That always stuck with me and so I was the mother. I think I still am - to an extent.
I'm realising as I write this that I may sound dismissive of the angst stage but I don't mean to be. And I sound as if the weight of the worlds is on my shoulders and that's bollocks. I have a relatively easy life and I am grateful when I remember to be. Everyone goes through bollocks in their life and I try not to forget that. I do.
But being in better form. I think crying to my mum yesterday clicked something. We sat in the back garden after she came back from getting her hair done and going to the acupuncturist, watching the kittens going bananas and I was leaning against her and I couldn't help myself. So I tried to wipe my eyes and not let her see me but my mum is my mum! It all ended up good-ish.
I think the good weather today also had an effect. I don't think people really get how rare sunshine is in Northern Ireland so today was lovely. The start of something - so sez the weather forecasters.
Also Danny phoning me - I know it was him, even if he didn't say so - as Obi-Wan Kenobi with this spot-on English accent and telling me I was the Chosen One and had to accept my fate was fucking awesome. It made me smile.
My art Muse seems to be getting back online too - things are remarkably simple but it's still better than sitting and being unable to do anything at all.
So that's all.
Oh! Except Thank you. You should know what for.
I'm in better form today. Which is majorly awesome. I got so angry at myself for being an emo kid teenager which I never really did. Every other teen I know has either gone through their 'OMG teh world SUKZ and I h8 evry1' stage or is going through it but I sorta bypassed that stage. Mostly because I was the one other people went to when they were in trouble. When Bec got her first letter from her father, she showed me first and asked me what to do. Laura even flat out told me one night during a MSN chat 'you know you're the only one I can talk to about this...You're like my mum but younger and cooler.' That always stuck with me and so I was the mother. I think I still am - to an extent.
I'm realising as I write this that I may sound dismissive of the angst stage but I don't mean to be. And I sound as if the weight of the worlds is on my shoulders and that's bollocks. I have a relatively easy life and I am grateful when I remember to be. Everyone goes through bollocks in their life and I try not to forget that. I do.
But being in better form. I think crying to my mum yesterday clicked something. We sat in the back garden after she came back from getting her hair done and going to the acupuncturist, watching the kittens going bananas and I was leaning against her and I couldn't help myself. So I tried to wipe my eyes and not let her see me but my mum is my mum! It all ended up good-ish.
I think the good weather today also had an effect. I don't think people really get how rare sunshine is in Northern Ireland so today was lovely. The start of something - so sez the weather forecasters.
Also Danny phoning me - I know it was him, even if he didn't say so - as Obi-Wan Kenobi with this spot-on English accent and telling me I was the Chosen One and had to accept my fate was fucking awesome. It made me smile.
My art Muse seems to be getting back online too - things are remarkably simple but it's still better than sitting and being unable to do anything at all.
So that's all.
Oh! Except Thank you. You should know what for.
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Date: 2005-06-19 07:57 pm (UTC)that and kittens going mad is funny:)