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klenaI've been thinking a lot lately. My formal photos came out yesterday and there was the traditional "Oh my fucking Gods, do I LOOK like THAT?!?!?!" etc etc except...one of the girls in my year - her formal date hung himself on Sunday night near a primary school. Just about my age, how fucked up is that shit? What the hell...I mean, no one had any words. Christ.
So I was thinking different things. Random things about various topics and fearing I was falling into depression but June talked with me and I don't think so anymore. But - the point!
We were in Art and began talking about Fairies and some of us believe, some didn't. That topic progressed into ghosts into death into God. Now I love Ashley. She gets on my tits sometimes (quite a fair bit recently) but I do love her. But she has this thing - she told me she was a complusive liar and gods know, she did come to Shimna late, therefore making her a slight outsider - of talking your stories, altering them ever so slightly and then repeating them, seconds after you've finished talking. Or everything that's happened to you has happened to her. Maybe some of the stuff she says is true, I'm not and will not dispute that, but she tells me a story and then tells someone else the same story but there are inconsistencies.
Fuck, I'm being so petty. I know this and so help me, I wish I wasn't so petty but I cite my constitutional right of "I'm-On-My-Period-FUCK-OFF"
She's devote, Ashley. A Baptist but has turned me entirely against organised religion because of the way she shoves her faith down my throat. I can't talk to her about God or faith because -her- view MUST be the -right- view. I can't even mention other theories and stuff.
The thing that wound me up was our Art discussion. (apparently blashemphy is the only sin God doesn't forgive? My response to this news was "Oh for Christ' sake! That's me utterly fucked.") We were talking about Heaven/Hell/Afterlife and I had said that I believed every person, on some level, makes the choice where to go after death. This was discussed and then she came out with this:
"It's going to be sad because so many of my friends don't believe in God and won't get into Heaven"
and she looked at me! Motherfucker.
I'm 18 in a month. Gods help me, I'm the youngest of most of you, my net crew.
I'm trying to find my own belief in faith and trying to discover what I believe in. I'm trying to sort out my sexuality, my views on life, the information in my head for exams and trying not to constantly cry because this is my last year in Shimna with people I love so much, trying not to break down over the fact I'm going to university, trying not to go nuts with the way people look at me and "She got 100% in her AS English."
And good for Ashley for having such staunch faith at this age when all I do is question. I really respect people with faith.
At the moment I believe in the goodness of humanity rather than a divine omnipotent power. I believe in friendships and love and living this life as best I can, at this moment. I do believe in divine powers but I believe that every God or Goddess worshipped EXISTS because of faith.
I'm open-minded about what you want to believe, or so I'd like to believe. Faith and Religion and Belief is personal and intimate (the Colour Purple has taught me this - great book) and should be CHOSEN by the person. So why does Ashley not try to let me breathe and explore what I want? She argues with me about God because I'm a Catholic (a self-professed BAD CATHOLIC but that's beside the point), she argues with me about my belief in choice after death, she argues with me over how I can say God and Angels don't exist (I was playing Devil's Advocate and had just said Man created God.)
I'm just tired. And I'm like a gods-be-damned broken record because I've discussed this ad nauseum with many other compadres of mine but I needed to get this off my mind.
It's my 18th birthday in just over a month. Wow. I'm so tired.
On happier topics, I had a dream I was one of Iris' friend from "Echoes", (Aliana? Aliora? Purple/blue hair?) which was really nice. And an obvious subconscious reminder to get my money to Joey.
I'm also saving money for Christmas (am so, so badly broke ;_;) for sending stuffage away. Hopefully. If I don't get the stuff away I'll feel very, very guilty.
Argh. I'm going to bed maties. I love you all, you all mean the world to me. Thank you.
What a beautiful day, (what a beautiful day)
I’m the king of all time, (it’s a beautiful day)
And nothing is impossible, (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
Oh yeah,
Nothing is impossible (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
That’s because,
Nothing is impossible,
In my all powerful mind.
So I was thinking different things. Random things about various topics and fearing I was falling into depression but June talked with me and I don't think so anymore. But - the point!
We were in Art and began talking about Fairies and some of us believe, some didn't. That topic progressed into ghosts into death into God. Now I love Ashley. She gets on my tits sometimes (quite a fair bit recently) but I do love her. But she has this thing - she told me she was a complusive liar and gods know, she did come to Shimna late, therefore making her a slight outsider - of talking your stories, altering them ever so slightly and then repeating them, seconds after you've finished talking. Or everything that's happened to you has happened to her. Maybe some of the stuff she says is true, I'm not and will not dispute that, but she tells me a story and then tells someone else the same story but there are inconsistencies.
Fuck, I'm being so petty. I know this and so help me, I wish I wasn't so petty but I cite my constitutional right of "I'm-On-My-Period-FUCK-OFF"
She's devote, Ashley. A Baptist but has turned me entirely against organised religion because of the way she shoves her faith down my throat. I can't talk to her about God or faith because -her- view MUST be the -right- view. I can't even mention other theories and stuff.
The thing that wound me up was our Art discussion. (apparently blashemphy is the only sin God doesn't forgive? My response to this news was "Oh for Christ' sake! That's me utterly fucked.") We were talking about Heaven/Hell/Afterlife and I had said that I believed every person, on some level, makes the choice where to go after death. This was discussed and then she came out with this:
"It's going to be sad because so many of my friends don't believe in God and won't get into Heaven"
and she looked at me! Motherfucker.
I'm 18 in a month. Gods help me, I'm the youngest of most of you, my net crew.
I'm trying to find my own belief in faith and trying to discover what I believe in. I'm trying to sort out my sexuality, my views on life, the information in my head for exams and trying not to constantly cry because this is my last year in Shimna with people I love so much, trying not to break down over the fact I'm going to university, trying not to go nuts with the way people look at me and "She got 100% in her AS English."
And good for Ashley for having such staunch faith at this age when all I do is question. I really respect people with faith.
At the moment I believe in the goodness of humanity rather than a divine omnipotent power. I believe in friendships and love and living this life as best I can, at this moment. I do believe in divine powers but I believe that every God or Goddess worshipped EXISTS because of faith.
I'm open-minded about what you want to believe, or so I'd like to believe. Faith and Religion and Belief is personal and intimate (the Colour Purple has taught me this - great book) and should be CHOSEN by the person. So why does Ashley not try to let me breathe and explore what I want? She argues with me about God because I'm a Catholic (a self-professed BAD CATHOLIC but that's beside the point), she argues with me about my belief in choice after death, she argues with me over how I can say God and Angels don't exist (I was playing Devil's Advocate and had just said Man created God.)
I'm just tired. And I'm like a gods-be-damned broken record because I've discussed this ad nauseum with many other compadres of mine but I needed to get this off my mind.
It's my 18th birthday in just over a month. Wow. I'm so tired.
On happier topics, I had a dream I was one of Iris' friend from "Echoes", (Aliana? Aliora? Purple/blue hair?) which was really nice. And an obvious subconscious reminder to get my money to Joey.
I'm also saving money for Christmas (am so, so badly broke ;_;) for sending stuffage away. Hopefully. If I don't get the stuff away I'll feel very, very guilty.
Argh. I'm going to bed maties. I love you all, you all mean the world to me. Thank you.
What a beautiful day, (what a beautiful day)
I’m the king of all time, (it’s a beautiful day)
And nothing is impossible, (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
Oh yeah,
Nothing is impossible (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
That’s because,
Nothing is impossible,
In my all powerful mind.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 07:07 pm (UTC)1: SHOW US PHOTOS!
(No comment on the suicide, since I didn't know them, but DAMN.)
2: I wish I could be there to escort you off to university, so at least you'll be starting out with friends when you depart the grade school path to start your new schooling path. =D
3: People who try to force their beliefs on you are one of the very main reasons I abandoned organized religion. =X_x= Catholic and Baptist family = not ratings. You just keep on being firm about YOUR beliefs, because at least you're open-minded with 'em, and that does stick out to people, and not always in the bad way. =D
Wait, four things:
4: Don't feel guilty about not being to send out your stuff to people if that's what happens, 'cause at least you PLAN to send it for real somedei! =D And, I have presents for you! They're just little knick-knacky things, but oh-so-cute.