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klenaI've been thinking a lot lately. My formal photos came out yesterday and there was the traditional "Oh my fucking Gods, do I LOOK like THAT?!?!?!" etc etc except...one of the girls in my year - her formal date hung himself on Sunday night near a primary school. Just about my age, how fucked up is that shit? What the hell...I mean, no one had any words. Christ.
So I was thinking different things. Random things about various topics and fearing I was falling into depression but June talked with me and I don't think so anymore. But - the point!
We were in Art and began talking about Fairies and some of us believe, some didn't. That topic progressed into ghosts into death into God. Now I love Ashley. She gets on my tits sometimes (quite a fair bit recently) but I do love her. But she has this thing - she told me she was a complusive liar and gods know, she did come to Shimna late, therefore making her a slight outsider - of talking your stories, altering them ever so slightly and then repeating them, seconds after you've finished talking. Or everything that's happened to you has happened to her. Maybe some of the stuff she says is true, I'm not and will not dispute that, but she tells me a story and then tells someone else the same story but there are inconsistencies.
Fuck, I'm being so petty. I know this and so help me, I wish I wasn't so petty but I cite my constitutional right of "I'm-On-My-Period-FUCK-OFF"
She's devote, Ashley. A Baptist but has turned me entirely against organised religion because of the way she shoves her faith down my throat. I can't talk to her about God or faith because -her- view MUST be the -right- view. I can't even mention other theories and stuff.
The thing that wound me up was our Art discussion. (apparently blashemphy is the only sin God doesn't forgive? My response to this news was "Oh for Christ' sake! That's me utterly fucked.") We were talking about Heaven/Hell/Afterlife and I had said that I believed every person, on some level, makes the choice where to go after death. This was discussed and then she came out with this:
"It's going to be sad because so many of my friends don't believe in God and won't get into Heaven"
and she looked at me! Motherfucker.
I'm 18 in a month. Gods help me, I'm the youngest of most of you, my net crew.
I'm trying to find my own belief in faith and trying to discover what I believe in. I'm trying to sort out my sexuality, my views on life, the information in my head for exams and trying not to constantly cry because this is my last year in Shimna with people I love so much, trying not to break down over the fact I'm going to university, trying not to go nuts with the way people look at me and "She got 100% in her AS English."
And good for Ashley for having such staunch faith at this age when all I do is question. I really respect people with faith.
At the moment I believe in the goodness of humanity rather than a divine omnipotent power. I believe in friendships and love and living this life as best I can, at this moment. I do believe in divine powers but I believe that every God or Goddess worshipped EXISTS because of faith.
I'm open-minded about what you want to believe, or so I'd like to believe. Faith and Religion and Belief is personal and intimate (the Colour Purple has taught me this - great book) and should be CHOSEN by the person. So why does Ashley not try to let me breathe and explore what I want? She argues with me about God because I'm a Catholic (a self-professed BAD CATHOLIC but that's beside the point), she argues with me about my belief in choice after death, she argues with me over how I can say God and Angels don't exist (I was playing Devil's Advocate and had just said Man created God.)
I'm just tired. And I'm like a gods-be-damned broken record because I've discussed this ad nauseum with many other compadres of mine but I needed to get this off my mind.
It's my 18th birthday in just over a month. Wow. I'm so tired.
On happier topics, I had a dream I was one of Iris' friend from "Echoes", (Aliana? Aliora? Purple/blue hair?) which was really nice. And an obvious subconscious reminder to get my money to Joey.
I'm also saving money for Christmas (am so, so badly broke ;_;) for sending stuffage away. Hopefully. If I don't get the stuff away I'll feel very, very guilty.
Argh. I'm going to bed maties. I love you all, you all mean the world to me. Thank you.
What a beautiful day, (what a beautiful day)
I’m the king of all time, (it’s a beautiful day)
And nothing is impossible, (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
Oh yeah,
Nothing is impossible (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
That’s because,
Nothing is impossible,
In my all powerful mind.
So I was thinking different things. Random things about various topics and fearing I was falling into depression but June talked with me and I don't think so anymore. But - the point!
We were in Art and began talking about Fairies and some of us believe, some didn't. That topic progressed into ghosts into death into God. Now I love Ashley. She gets on my tits sometimes (quite a fair bit recently) but I do love her. But she has this thing - she told me she was a complusive liar and gods know, she did come to Shimna late, therefore making her a slight outsider - of talking your stories, altering them ever so slightly and then repeating them, seconds after you've finished talking. Or everything that's happened to you has happened to her. Maybe some of the stuff she says is true, I'm not and will not dispute that, but she tells me a story and then tells someone else the same story but there are inconsistencies.
Fuck, I'm being so petty. I know this and so help me, I wish I wasn't so petty but I cite my constitutional right of "I'm-On-My-Period-FUCK-OFF"
She's devote, Ashley. A Baptist but has turned me entirely against organised religion because of the way she shoves her faith down my throat. I can't talk to her about God or faith because -her- view MUST be the -right- view. I can't even mention other theories and stuff.
The thing that wound me up was our Art discussion. (apparently blashemphy is the only sin God doesn't forgive? My response to this news was "Oh for Christ' sake! That's me utterly fucked.") We were talking about Heaven/Hell/Afterlife and I had said that I believed every person, on some level, makes the choice where to go after death. This was discussed and then she came out with this:
"It's going to be sad because so many of my friends don't believe in God and won't get into Heaven"
and she looked at me! Motherfucker.
I'm 18 in a month. Gods help me, I'm the youngest of most of you, my net crew.
I'm trying to find my own belief in faith and trying to discover what I believe in. I'm trying to sort out my sexuality, my views on life, the information in my head for exams and trying not to constantly cry because this is my last year in Shimna with people I love so much, trying not to break down over the fact I'm going to university, trying not to go nuts with the way people look at me and "She got 100% in her AS English."
And good for Ashley for having such staunch faith at this age when all I do is question. I really respect people with faith.
At the moment I believe in the goodness of humanity rather than a divine omnipotent power. I believe in friendships and love and living this life as best I can, at this moment. I do believe in divine powers but I believe that every God or Goddess worshipped EXISTS because of faith.
I'm open-minded about what you want to believe, or so I'd like to believe. Faith and Religion and Belief is personal and intimate (the Colour Purple has taught me this - great book) and should be CHOSEN by the person. So why does Ashley not try to let me breathe and explore what I want? She argues with me about God because I'm a Catholic (a self-professed BAD CATHOLIC but that's beside the point), she argues with me about my belief in choice after death, she argues with me over how I can say God and Angels don't exist (I was playing Devil's Advocate and had just said Man created God.)
I'm just tired. And I'm like a gods-be-damned broken record because I've discussed this ad nauseum with many other compadres of mine but I needed to get this off my mind.
It's my 18th birthday in just over a month. Wow. I'm so tired.
On happier topics, I had a dream I was one of Iris' friend from "Echoes", (Aliana? Aliora? Purple/blue hair?) which was really nice. And an obvious subconscious reminder to get my money to Joey.
I'm also saving money for Christmas (am so, so badly broke ;_;) for sending stuffage away. Hopefully. If I don't get the stuff away I'll feel very, very guilty.
Argh. I'm going to bed maties. I love you all, you all mean the world to me. Thank you.
What a beautiful day, (what a beautiful day)
I’m the king of all time, (it’s a beautiful day)
And nothing is impossible, (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
Oh yeah,
Nothing is impossible (it’s a beautiful, )
In my all powerful mind. (it’s a beautiful day)
That’s because,
Nothing is impossible,
In my all powerful mind.
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 03:17 pm (UTC)I don't have a set faith, but that's not to say that I'm godless. I live a generally good life and I say thanks to the sky when I have something to be thankful for, because I believe, like you that faith is what makes gods exist and I am thankful to who ever may be lending their hand to help me. But I don't single out any particular god to thank. I admit to leaving Bast in charge of my pets (not just the cats, but the rats too...), because she's an old god and she needs that attention (ever read any Neil Gaiman, btw?), but apart from that, I live by the best parts of the religions I know.
I have no fear of death and the afterlife. Its the next big adventure, to misquote Peter Pan...
Organised religion seems to cause a lot of pain and fighting. Not just on a grand scale, but on smaller ones too. I'm on the verge of divorce because Hubby "found Jesus" after we got married, and it was the begining of secrets and fights. He was baptised and I only found out because I found his soaking wet clothes. We can't have theological discussions because, like with your friend, what he's been told is the only truth possible. Its not like I'm ignorant of the Bible - I'm an Art Historian, I probably know the stories better than he does. But woe betide I offer a different view...
I have nothing against strong faith. I've seen it give people hope when they most need the support. But I think it can be a very harmful thing as well.