![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
klenaYou know October, for being my favourite month, you sure have been a bit of a cow. It is nearly the end of the month and I feel a little lost as to where the time has gone.
I vanished because 2 weeks ago on Saturday, Dave's stepfather died. It wasn't an unexpected death - except for the way that all death is unexpected. He had diagnosed with skin cancer roughly 18 months ago and was given a terminal diagnosis of a year 12 months ago. So there's been preparation ever since. Things started to decline a lot towards the end - he had a tumours on his head and one that opened rather unexpectedly about a month ago. Also Steve (that was his name) was allergic to morphine so the doctors had to keep adjusting and tryng new combinations of pain medication to try and counteract the pain he was in.
As cruel as it may sound, it was a blessing he passed when he did. Despite the awful pain he was in, he was still able to walk and move albeit a lot slower and gingerly. He didn't have any sense of smell or taste before he died but he could still feed himself. He died with a bit of dignity which, for a private man such as himself, I think was a wonderful thing.
So Dave headed back to Birmingham on the 13th to go be with his mum and sister. As soon as it happened, I started making plans of things to get done in my head before we had to head back down but, of course, the whole funeral process is a lot slower here in England than it is in Northern Ireland. Back home, you're buried within 3 days of your death. Because there weren't enough priests when my Granny died last August, we had to wait 4 days which is practically unheard of. It's probably because we keep the body in the house for the wake before the funeral so really, the body has to be buried within 3 days. The smell of death is. It's strange and hard to describe and it'll never leave me. Every time I see lilies, I think of our house and computer room with bunches of them flowing everywhere beside the casket.
Sorry. Anyway. We got word that the cremation was scheduled for Thursday just gone. So Wednesday we finished work and headed down to Birmingam to stay in his father's flat who was away for work. The crematorium was a 20 minute walk from the flat.
We met Jenny, Dave's sister, and Steve, her boyfriend there. Jenny has been doing so well. She's been watching over her mum whilst going to visit her grandma (dad's muotther) who's currently in a care home for those with dementia whilst her dad's been away. Plus working. She's been an absolute credit to both her parents. She seemed very composed - wearing a Leeds United scarf as they were Steve's football team, until the hearse arrived.
The service was 30 minutes, very brief but poignant. Steve's parents haven't been doing so great and who would? You should never have to bury a child. He was only 45, that's not a full life. His sister was a bit shaky but both she and Dave's mum delivered eulogies and did so well. They spoke about Steve, about him as a child and him as a husband. Shirley had only known him for 10 years. They were only married for 3. How is that right?
It was so sad being there. I'd only met the man twice and he was as they described him. A very private man. They played Ludovici Einaudi's "Le Onde" during the reflection section. I couldn't stop my tears. I wasn't sobbing, but they just wouldn't stop. And it wasn't just me. There were at least 140 of us at the service and most of us were in tears.
I was going to get myself wound up and discuss a family issue regarding Steve's daughter from a previous marriage and her lack of communication with him during his illness but I won't. She's an adult who now has to live with the decisions she made and the regret that comes with that.
So that was that. There was a wake afterwards at a nearby golfclub and I met a lot of Shirley's friends, Steve's family and various neighbours. Most of them knew me before I was introduced which was strange but everyone was lovely. We spent most of our time chatting with Dave's aunt, uncle, granddad, Jenny and Steve. We had a quiet dinner together that night, Dave, Shirley, Jenny, Steve and I.
The past few days have been filled with going out for walks with Walter, Shirley (and Steve's) black cocker spaniel, spending time with Shirley just talking and drinking lots of tea and seeing Dave's grandma. On top of that, we've been dealing with work as and when we've had some time at Shirley's. We've had aan issue with a Joker costume from our supplier and now the customer has cancelled the order. Customers demanding refunds for costumes they've returned STINKING of B.O. A US customer initating a chargeback for a Catwoman costume the day it arrives to her, stating it hasn't arrived. Ugh, I hate customers.
So pretty exhausting. We arrived back in Leeds last night and walked home. Climbed into bed and were asleep within 2 hours.
On top of all this, the Google Panda update a week ago seems to have completely fucked us up in website rankings. We were on the first page for most of our keywords and now we're 6 or 7 pages down. At the moment we're still doing okay because it's Halloween but after next week, it could seriously destroy the business. Dave's been pretty worried and really stressed unsurprisingly. The past two weeks have been a little tense - we've had two of the worst fights we've had since being together over the stupidest of things but considering the circumstances, it's not surprising. We're doing pretty good now with the funeral being done.
My plan now is to start searching for a job in case things do go tits up. We need at least one salary to survive on and two separate ones definitely isn't going to hurt. So updating my CV and applying for everything is on the list for this week. As Dave also pointed out, if I do get a job and I utterly hate it, there is still work for me to do with him. So that alleviates a lot of pressure.
Halloween's coming up and I'm completely unprepared. Unhappy face. However our local Co-Op is selling some huge pumpkins so I might treat myself to a pumpkin to carve and try baking or cooking with the innards. Anyone got any good pumpkin recipes?
I'm also trying to get my entries ready for the Joeyverse Cosplay Contest. The contumes are about 90% and 60% done respecitvely done. I just need to sort out time for Dave and I to shoot. Because he's my favourite and will only mock me a little for cosplay and tarting myself up.
Dave has now come in to bed so I am going to finish up and go to make myself a cup of hot chocolate before talking to mama Denvir and watching "Criminal Minds"
I vanished because 2 weeks ago on Saturday, Dave's stepfather died. It wasn't an unexpected death - except for the way that all death is unexpected. He had diagnosed with skin cancer roughly 18 months ago and was given a terminal diagnosis of a year 12 months ago. So there's been preparation ever since. Things started to decline a lot towards the end - he had a tumours on his head and one that opened rather unexpectedly about a month ago. Also Steve (that was his name) was allergic to morphine so the doctors had to keep adjusting and tryng new combinations of pain medication to try and counteract the pain he was in.
As cruel as it may sound, it was a blessing he passed when he did. Despite the awful pain he was in, he was still able to walk and move albeit a lot slower and gingerly. He didn't have any sense of smell or taste before he died but he could still feed himself. He died with a bit of dignity which, for a private man such as himself, I think was a wonderful thing.
So Dave headed back to Birmingham on the 13th to go be with his mum and sister. As soon as it happened, I started making plans of things to get done in my head before we had to head back down but, of course, the whole funeral process is a lot slower here in England than it is in Northern Ireland. Back home, you're buried within 3 days of your death. Because there weren't enough priests when my Granny died last August, we had to wait 4 days which is practically unheard of. It's probably because we keep the body in the house for the wake before the funeral so really, the body has to be buried within 3 days. The smell of death is. It's strange and hard to describe and it'll never leave me. Every time I see lilies, I think of our house and computer room with bunches of them flowing everywhere beside the casket.
Sorry. Anyway. We got word that the cremation was scheduled for Thursday just gone. So Wednesday we finished work and headed down to Birmingam to stay in his father's flat who was away for work. The crematorium was a 20 minute walk from the flat.
We met Jenny, Dave's sister, and Steve, her boyfriend there. Jenny has been doing so well. She's been watching over her mum whilst going to visit her grandma (dad's muotther) who's currently in a care home for those with dementia whilst her dad's been away. Plus working. She's been an absolute credit to both her parents. She seemed very composed - wearing a Leeds United scarf as they were Steve's football team, until the hearse arrived.
The service was 30 minutes, very brief but poignant. Steve's parents haven't been doing so great and who would? You should never have to bury a child. He was only 45, that's not a full life. His sister was a bit shaky but both she and Dave's mum delivered eulogies and did so well. They spoke about Steve, about him as a child and him as a husband. Shirley had only known him for 10 years. They were only married for 3. How is that right?
It was so sad being there. I'd only met the man twice and he was as they described him. A very private man. They played Ludovici Einaudi's "Le Onde" during the reflection section. I couldn't stop my tears. I wasn't sobbing, but they just wouldn't stop. And it wasn't just me. There were at least 140 of us at the service and most of us were in tears.
I was going to get myself wound up and discuss a family issue regarding Steve's daughter from a previous marriage and her lack of communication with him during his illness but I won't. She's an adult who now has to live with the decisions she made and the regret that comes with that.
So that was that. There was a wake afterwards at a nearby golfclub and I met a lot of Shirley's friends, Steve's family and various neighbours. Most of them knew me before I was introduced which was strange but everyone was lovely. We spent most of our time chatting with Dave's aunt, uncle, granddad, Jenny and Steve. We had a quiet dinner together that night, Dave, Shirley, Jenny, Steve and I.
The past few days have been filled with going out for walks with Walter, Shirley (and Steve's) black cocker spaniel, spending time with Shirley just talking and drinking lots of tea and seeing Dave's grandma. On top of that, we've been dealing with work as and when we've had some time at Shirley's. We've had aan issue with a Joker costume from our supplier and now the customer has cancelled the order. Customers demanding refunds for costumes they've returned STINKING of B.O. A US customer initating a chargeback for a Catwoman costume the day it arrives to her, stating it hasn't arrived. Ugh, I hate customers.
So pretty exhausting. We arrived back in Leeds last night and walked home. Climbed into bed and were asleep within 2 hours.
On top of all this, the Google Panda update a week ago seems to have completely fucked us up in website rankings. We were on the first page for most of our keywords and now we're 6 or 7 pages down. At the moment we're still doing okay because it's Halloween but after next week, it could seriously destroy the business. Dave's been pretty worried and really stressed unsurprisingly. The past two weeks have been a little tense - we've had two of the worst fights we've had since being together over the stupidest of things but considering the circumstances, it's not surprising. We're doing pretty good now with the funeral being done.
My plan now is to start searching for a job in case things do go tits up. We need at least one salary to survive on and two separate ones definitely isn't going to hurt. So updating my CV and applying for everything is on the list for this week. As Dave also pointed out, if I do get a job and I utterly hate it, there is still work for me to do with him. So that alleviates a lot of pressure.
Halloween's coming up and I'm completely unprepared. Unhappy face. However our local Co-Op is selling some huge pumpkins so I might treat myself to a pumpkin to carve and try baking or cooking with the innards. Anyone got any good pumpkin recipes?
I'm also trying to get my entries ready for the Joeyverse Cosplay Contest. The contumes are about 90% and 60% done respecitvely done. I just need to sort out time for Dave and I to shoot. Because he's my favourite and will only mock me a little for cosplay and tarting myself up.
Dave has now come in to bed so I am going to finish up and go to make myself a cup of hot chocolate before talking to mama Denvir and watching "Criminal Minds"
no subject
Date: 2011-10-24 04:31 am (UTC)