Come on, come on, this is screaming 'photo op'

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Never got excited about promises because you never came through on any other ones. Dull taste in my mouth like distant acidic heartbreak but no ache echoing in my chest. Old scar tissue I opened and happily rubbed salt into the unhealed jagged edges but the pain is one I prepared myself for. There is no ache, just the residual taste of first love that never developed.

Memories of the drumbeats you tapped into my back that sunk into my skin and into my blood that night and i felt as though i could feel them course in my body and the beats were the pulsing music and the energy of the people around us and the thrumming electric joy of being together. I was happy then and so were you. But those are all they are now; memories. Times has changed.


remember when i was a bird and you were a map

have some composure, where is your posture

I came home from work feeling calm and soft and felt the warm pleasant buzz of happiness at being with an ex and sharing familiar touches that mean nothing but familiar and gentle.

We drove into our estate and this black cat was twisting and writhing in the air like it was being bitten by bugs or was a puppet being yanked in a bunch or directions. My dad and I laughed because it was a stupid sight - it was funny. We drove closer and saw that cat had been hit. Dad parked the car at the house and I got out, told him I was going over. He said "There's no point, the cat's going to die soon" but I just said little snatches of phrases that meant nothing but he understood.

I walked over to it and knelt down and stroked it's fur and it was dead. It was obviously someone's pet and the car that hit it (the carthatpassedusaswepulledinhome) didn't even stop. Oh God, my heart. And dad came outside after about 2 minutes and i came back in (because it was dead and there was shiny bright blood on the tarmac and one of it's eyes was out and blood on it's nose oh god). Dad told me mum had sent him to bring me back in. She told me to wash my hands and I did and I curled into her arms and cried.

Funny how your mood is destroyed.

That wasn't even 30 minutes ago.