May. 6th, 2003

klena: (Default)
....Nothing but my own mistake's...staring back at me.

Have you ever had a fear that ate the bottom of your stomach until all you could feel inside yourself was a great gaping pit which you are tottering on the brink of?
Have you ever felt so afraid, for someone or something else, that you can't see anything around you except that fear?
Have you ever felt so terrified that it seems more comforting to sleep or not exist any longer instead of having to exist and suffer?

I feel like that at the minute.

I feel so stupid but justified. My cat Stoner, the friendliest of my three cats and the one who sleeps on my bed on occasion is really sick. I've talked about this before but he got better. Now his breathing is hitched and he's so thin I can feel almost every bone in his ribcage.
We talked about talking to the vet and I thought my dad had done it today instead of me having to be there. Just in case Stoner had to be put down. Just 10 minutes ago he's informed me that I have to go with him when we got to the vet at 6 O'clock.
I don't remember ever feeling so afriad.

I've got a G.C.S.E French Oral first thing in the morning and I can't seem to remember anything in French. So I'm worried about that but more about Duke.

Jesus, I'm so stupid...But I've had Stoner for 8-9? years now since he was born and I don't want him to be put down. Believe it or not I'm sitting here typing this in the town library and I'm forcing the tears out of my eyes. I've been on the verges of tears all day just thinking about it.

I think I have to stop writing this now before I actually do break down here now.

Kathryn

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