i'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear

[klena]

playing second fiddle and dreaming of the first (eying it longingly, try to swallow the acidic tang of disappointment when you are passed over again and swear over and over you'll take your eyes off it) (liar, you never will). Sit in your seat, play the music laid before you (sometimes the notes don't make sense and the pages feel like they're in the wrong order and you scramble to right it) and focus.

Pour yourself into playing - ferocious and trembling and with wild abandonment. Laugh as other remark on your spirit (fingering like a concert pianist, bowing like its your soul) and make some flippant throwaway remark on how you would hate the pressure of the spotlight.

but you itch for it and you want to reach for it - you can taste the glory of it on your tongue and it's like the sweetest nectar

But secretly you scream for it, every little flourish, every trill, every double-bow is orchestrated - crying out "look at me, please choose me, look at me, look what i can do", wanting the light so badly but making yourself comfy in the dimmer light.

second violin is close enough to first, you suppose as you straighten your back, lift your instrument up and glide over the first notes, and maybe the melody will be enough for a while...

Comments

[marlinkhylacat]

I was going to make a silly Jonathan Coulton quote, but I fear it'd make an insult of a beautifully-orchestrated post. =^^=

[clarityhiding.livejournal.com]

...I hear playing second is actually harder than playing first, since you're doing the counter melody.

[sacchifox.livejournal.com]

You are so beautiful.

[hartclanpaladin.livejournal.com]

Food for thought :)