A serious entry I need everyone to read

[klena]

Alright.

I'm not sure where to start from with all this. I'll just pick a random point. Actually, fuck it. I know where I'm starting.

This year - as people may have gathered from some of my journal posts and emo-ridden MSN conversations - has been rough on me. My entire world's been expanded by university and it's wonderful but it's dark and there's a lot of new stuff I have to deal with now because of it. Which is just a part of life.

Just before I came home from Leeds I received another email from Dr. Rose's office - she's the head of the East Asian department and was in my Japanese oral exam along with Morimoto-sensei, telling me that they were worried about my marks in a particular area of the module and wanted to discuss with me. Now, the previous 3-4 meetings I've had with Dr. Rose have gone along the lines of "You're a lovely girl, you're obviously intelligent but we don't think you have the capability to do this course and maybe you should think about changing it. Because of the not-passing-first-semester and all."

So this meeting didn't fill me with an awful lot of confidence. I went to it after a very bad freak-out to discover Morimoto-sensei and Oeda-sensei were also there. I, however, managed to hold it together throughout the meeting which is something I hadn't done during the last ones as the following news was relayed.

I passed Semester Two - meaning I passed all of Basic Japanese Year One - meaning I passed first Year.
They still want me to leave.

So.

I've been thinking about this - the majority of people that I'm really close to are on the Japanese course with the exceptions of my flatmates. Ex-flatmates. And they're all going to be in Japan next year.

I've been lost. But after going through tons of choices I've made a choice. I could have gone to Japan on my own, organised it and stayed on the course. But I could have failed and then been even more fucked over. Plus I'm £1400 in debt already, my parents are beyond broke and there's no way I can pay my debt as well as raising between £6000-£8000 over this summer to fund the year.

I could go back in September to do Second Year English even though I averaged 2:1's this year with little effort put in. (I do realise that first year is easier and that marks are easy to get but it's like breathing to me - there's no real challenge to it, y'know?)

I could change courses.

I could go back in First Year in September however, if I continued doing English I'd have to do other modules and they're amazingly dull to me. So that sounded like pulling teeth out.

Which left me with this choice.

I'm taking another year out. I'm going to earn money and then - and this is the point where everyone reading this comes in - I want to travel.

I plan to go to Japan and see the guys - maybe spending my 21st birthday there.
I have family in Australia and New Zealand I could ask to take me in.

And then there's America. And Canada. And Europe. You guys.

I realise that this is so fucking cheeky of me. But I want to see you. I want to visit and sit with you all and talk and see where you live. And maybe live for a bit myself.

These are my questions to you, my darlings.

If I came to your country, your town - could you put me up for a while?

How easy would it be for me to get a temporary job in your area?

How much is the cost of living?

Would you want to see me?

Is this a stupid plan?

Do you have any advice for me?

Please help me out. This is something I want to do. I think it's what I need to do - I want to grow, I want to travel - I want to see things - I want to see you. Please - PLEASE EVERYONE READING THIS REPLY. Please

I can do this on my own and just travel from place to place. But I'd prefer a little support. Please let me know.