klena: (a virgin losing a child)
First day back at work.

Same old, same old. Bored for the majority of the day. Realistically, I need to pull my finger out of my backside and start updating my CV and applying for jobs.

Supposed to go back to the gym for the first time in months today, however Dave talked me out of it. To be fair, I was keen on getting home to open my Illamasqua order (new eyeshadows! Eyeliners! Etc!)

This evening I have done very little. Felt a little off kilter.

Spoke to my today about the news I got working on New Years, that a former colleague of mine suddenly passed away on the 27th. She was a woman full of fire and life. It seems so strange. And then another friend told me on Saturday that a mutual friend of ours had also died - implied that it was suicide. She's just written a private blog post, and I've had a little weep in my bed, thinking about him. Couple this with attending a wake for a 20 year old lad on Christmas Eve, and I've been in a weird place.

Sad and strange.

So I am sitting in my bed, about to watch a few "feel good" videos to make it easier to fall asleep and then read for a little bit.
klena: (;_; rorschach)
I know I should be trying to sleep, but my mind just keeps turning over and over and it makes the night so much worse. My hormones are everywhere too, just what I need.

I can't help thinking about the fact that this time, one year ago, my Granny was still alive but slipping.

And in a few hours, it'll be a year since she died. So my mind keeps going places, like the conversations I wish we had or the fact that she rang all of us in the immediate family up on our birthdays to sing "Happy Birthday" down the phone to us (and I cried last year on my birthday when I realised that would never happen again) and the way her voice sounded when she sang and the cackly laugh she had. But I can't remember her voice.

And now people live in her house, but I still remember getting a phonecall from my mother and being in Northern Ireland in 3 hours to sit beside a hospital bed and watch my Granny get smaller and smaller, even if it was only for two days.

Plus then I get panicked, I mean, fuck, if I'm this bad about my Granny - what about if something happens to my parents? Just the thought of Mum or Dad dying instantly makes me cry. What would I do without my parents?

Fuck. Fuck. Anniversaries are hard and the day hasn't even started yet.

I miss her so much.
klena: (the motion makes me strong)
Mother's Meeting again tonight, as per Wednesday ritual!

I thought about something [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams said during it, that we can talk about everything. It's something that I don't believe is appreciated enough by people, when you have a support system of people that you can just be yourself with, as awful and petty and furious and ridiculous as you really are. Sometimes you are that way with people that you don't mean to be, and then you can feel concerned about the way you presented yourself. That sort of friendship that is built on a sort of barter of respect and opinion. But with my Mother's Meeting, with my girls, there's none of that. There's no concern about how they think of me because they've seen me at my best and my worst. And they will always be honest with me, sometimes in a blunt way and sometimes just in a "seriously, how do you not see this, you are a moron, why are we friends :)" way.

Not a lot of people get that sort of circle in their life. That they can establish such a level of comfort and trust - especially not with people that they see weekly. We may have a few that we know online, or who have moved away or that we only see when we go home for the holidays. But every week, to have that - to have them. Well....it just reminds me to count my blessings where they lie.

klena: (all the way up to heaven)
Now, unless you were under a rock today, you may have heard today was the Royal Wedding. So we had a party at Han and Guy's today. I missed almost the entire ceremony because of picking up some food and stuff for the party but I dolled myself up and spent the day in marvellous company. It would have been lovely if Dave could have been there, but it wasn't meant to be apparently.

We had Prosecco and strawberries to toast the couple when they shared their first kiss as a married couple, which was a really nice tradition. So I got a little pissed and comfy and sleepy which we cured by watching "The Queen" and then having more tea and playing "Balderdash". [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams made a fucking glorious cake and we had strawberries and cream and summer foods and om nom nom tasty.

Friends of ours also got married today, [livejournal.com profile] mofette and her partner Richard, who won the Hobgoblin "Alternative Royal Wedding" competition. I look forward to seeing the photos of that.

Today made me feel a lot better, but I know it's a process of highs and lows. I just hope this all get resolved sooner rather than later. I feel so ready to start moving on with our lives. Even all the scary settled adult shit we've discussed, all that seems just...exciting rather than scary. Weird!

Here's a few photos taken from today under the cut

The Royal Union of Prince William and Catherine Middleton )
klena: (the motion makes me strong)
I'm really tired with all the strain, and being on a knife-edge waiting for news. I honestly don't know what I would have done without [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams yesterday. That's a lie, I do, I would have had another mental breakdown or "episode" or whatever the technical P.C. term for it is now. She's amazing, I just couldn't ask for a better friend or soul-twin.

Royal Wedding tomorrow! Now, being Northern Irish, the Royal Family/Britain is a bit of a touchy subject just because of the politics and stuff. However! Hannah and Guy are holding a Royal Wedding party where there will be stawberries and cream and cake and booze and an indoor picnic (because the weather forcast is crap). I am looking forward to it, and seeing Guy and Han before they go off to Japan for a month.

A whole 4 more days off! April, you have been a strange month - fact.

Music inspired by a twitter conversation between myself, [livejournal.com profile] whitehaiku and [livejournal.com profile] adellyna about Jude who I have not listened to properly in about a year or so? Definitely before my laptop was stolen. But I had an urge today to put it all back on. Turns out buying the CDs in first year was an excellent life choice

In order to cheer myself up, and everyone else, have some Joseph Gordon-Levitt and his amazing face.

klena: (sunlight surrouds you)
The first big thing to say about this entry is:

It's only taken me nearly 9 years to get here, and has been stupidly helped out by crossposting of my tweets. I never thought I'd get to a point of 1000 entries! But here I am. Have some celebratory dancing .gifs!

I feel that adequately celebrates 1000 entries! I've been planning on writing this entry for about 3 weeks, but just haven't got around to it, or wanted to have a lot of good content and then I got distracted by lots of Inception fics so. Well. But I did go back and look at my very first LJ entry, oh my Lord.

I was 15, and this December I will turn 25. I honestly cannot believe how much has changed in that time. But then again, it was the period where people go through the biggest personality overhauls so it's not much of a surprise. It still was a little embarrassing, and also sort of sad to see me discussing people who aren't in my life anymore. But that's the way it goes.

I was going to do this huge thoughtful entry, but it's not really in my head, so instead I'm going to post a few little bits from the internet that have made me happy the past few weeks.

First! Poetry! One of Audrey Hepburn's favourite poems.

Unending Love by Rabindranath Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
In life after life, in age after age forever.
My spell-bound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms

In life after life, in age after age forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together,
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:

You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount
At the heart of time love of one for another.
We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell -
Old love, but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you,
The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life,
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of everypoet both past and forever.

How beautiful is that?

Second! An excellent quote from Tim Minchin that I discovered, when trying to find a download of his song "White Wine in the Sun" , which is a gorgeous non-Christian Christmas song. Here's the song on Youtube if you fancy a listen! White Wine In The Sun.

Anyway, he was discussing the controversy behind the song and was asked "Your song "White Wine in the Sun", which includes lyrics critical of Christianity, caused controversy last week in Australia when it was used on an album of Christmas songs sold to raise money for the Salvation Army. What's your take on the fuss?

I think the Salvos are idiots. I didn't know they would benefit from the CD, but by the time I found out I didn't want to make too much of a fuss. So I gave my song free, then they turn around and say that they don't agree with the sentiment of the song. Obviously, they are talking about how I think Jesus is not magic. Part of me is hugely outraged by what imbeciles they are, to bite the hand that feeds them and put their proselytising above charity.

It's a terrible paradox that most charities are driven by religious belief. I believe very strongly in giving only to secular charities, because I don't think there should be a back end to altruism. I won't make this mistake again. I tweeted that if people want to buy my version of the song independently, I'll give the proceeds away, as I did last year, to the National Autistic Society, a non-proselytising charity.

Christmas means much to billions of people who don't believe in Jesus, and if you think that Christmas without Jesus is not Christmas, then you're out of touch, and if you think altruism without Jesus is not altruism, then you're a dick.

What a wonderful sentiment, and really true. That last paragraph is the most important part, and the bit that made me nod and smile at the screen. It also doesn't hurt that the song is wonderful, and makes my heart just clench with joy listening to it.

Third and final! Who thinks today's A Softer World strip needs to be have an "Inception" re-imagining?

Fucking heartbreaking, but could turned into any pairing that people wanted. The first idea I had was a Mal/Cobb version, based on those arguments that Mal actually was right, and did wake up, and watches over Cobb as he lives in his dream!reality. Which also really works with the alt-text over the image: "Please don't leave me alone with our stupid children"

Yes yes?

To everyone who read this, well done! You deserve nice shiny things. Since it's been a 1000 entries, maybe I should start being more active with posting. If you still read my journal, then you should comment! Or let me know, especially if this is the only way you know me :)

klena: (a virgin losing a child)
I haven't blogged properly in a few weeks because of the fucking extra-ordinary circumstances I now find myself in.

I'm not going to pour my heart out about it here, it's not the time or the place. And also, whilst I have a large circle of friends who I believe should all get to know what's happening, I don't want the additional stress of wondering who they'll tell and the potential judgement that comes with everything we say. So better to keep my mouth closed.

It's much easier functioning from day to day now, but I think that's only because there is no option for me to run away from the business. This is something that I have to get through, because burying my head in the sand would destroy something that a lot of time and effort and dedication has gone into.

It'll be a month on Friday, which is strange. I keep wondering if I've actually just cracked mentally because surely I, with my history of falling apart, should have had a proper breakdown by now? Although maybe that's what those first few days were.

In another way, it is nice to know that I do have inner strength. I always wondered if I did.

There is the possibility of big news next week which will give me a possible end date to work towards. I wasn't expecting any news on that topic for at least a month so it was a little startling to hear it today.

These past few weeks and everything that has come with them has made me think a lot about the nature of love and of being in love.

I love a lot, even though I feel like a twisted, bitter old crone sometimes. And I am a bit of a wretched person sometimes, I don't work hard enough to maintain friendships and I'm a hermit when things get hard, and sometimes I just can't be bothered. But I do honestly care and love a lot of people. I love some people that I know no longer think of me, I love people who I see everyday, and I love people I've never met.

But when it comes to Love and of Being In Love, well...

I always assumed that you just knew when you were in love with a person, that it was as obvious as the days of the week, as your very own hands stretched out before you.

And it's not like that at all, is it? Being in love is quiet, and catches you unaware when you remember - like a small gesture, the cupping of your cheek or seeing them breathe beside you at night or the look in their eyes that you half-catch. Being in love is a background thing, that waits to remind you patiently of its existence, like your distant awareness of your limbs during the day when you aren't doing anything crucial with them.

It's not fireworks and torrid passion and burning intensity, although those definitely do happen too. Yet those things happen when you're not in love with someone, you just think you are. Sadly, been there, done that and what a fucking mess that was!

Being in love makes me feel a little embarrassed to phrase it like that. It sounds soppy and overly cute or even borderline nauseating. But I know I am. Because he's made me better for being with him, and made me worse in some ways (but only in little things).

But possibly the biggest thing that makes me know that I must be in love with him is how I will do what needs to be done for us and the thought of our future together. And I'm doing it, without a mental breakdown (just mini flaps of distress) and without anger or resentment because I see this as something we need to do, a hurdle that needs leapt over (or a wall that needs climbing really) in order for us to move forward with our lives.

It's not easy. But I feel the end result is going to be worth it. And even if it isn't, and we don't last forever like we want to, I know I'll be able to say to people in years to come that yes, I was definitely in love at least once in my life and it was real and I wasn't misguided and it wasn't one-sided.

And that's enough for me, at the moment. So I'll wait and continue with everything, and keep living until all this is done, and then we'll get to move on together. And I think it's going to be fantastic.
klena: (the motion makes me strong)
Every year I make resolutions and every year I seem to...forget about them at some point. So instead of wishing everyone I know a Happy New Year (and I do wish it for you, I do), I'm going to steal from my favourite, Mr. Neil Gaiman, for my New Year's wishes:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

...I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.

I wish all this for you. ♥
klena: (familiar faces and mixed up memories)
Before I head to work and totally forget

Today is [livejournal.com profile] hybrid_xisha's bithday!! Y'all get over to her journal and wish her a many happy returns, y'hear?

Seriously, without the seriously stunning [livejournal.com profile] darth_zal introducing to me [livejournal.com profile] hybrid_xisha, my online life may never have happened the way it did. I might never have met most of the people on my friends list and would never have had the confidence and the balls to do half the things I've done.

So thank you Dei. You've changed my life, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love you. Even that left foot of yours.

klena: (listening to our apocalypse suite)
Kathryn! originally from the Greek 'Katheros' meaning pure. Allegedly. I find this mean to be absolutely hilarious, you have no idea

2. AGE:
23, yo! Technically 23 and 5 days.

Currently, the half-assed snowy wastelands of N.Ireland but for the majority of my year it is ♥Leeds♥

Student welching off the government in order to attain an completely useless degree. Awesome

Without getting into technical arguments, I would say yes. His name is Dave. :)

6. KIDS:
Adopted kids all over the shop! Between kids I babysit and my Libby's little girl Faith (who is actually the cutest baby on the face of the EARTH good lord. But no actual children. It is probably for the best if I do not continue my genetics. Can you imagine how freaky they would be??

Gots myself a little-big blood bro by the name of Matt. He's 21, higher functioning autistic and possibly one of the kindest, considerate people I know. I would kill for him. Honest to god, I would shank bitches with no remorse if they did something to my little bro >|

Emotionally, I've got a couple of adopted sisters and brothers. Pretty much if you spend any time talking to me or show any interest in my life, I regard you as honourary kin. Because kin's the most important thing there is.

8. PETS:
CATS. There are 4 at my house right now. Blanche and Dart who I have had since...my...AS Levels maybe. Or A-Levels. Either way, they are over 4 years in my life. Dart is nicknamed the Buddha cat because she is a fatass. A fluffy fatass. Blanche generally sleeps with me which is nice, except for the white fur everywhere.
Then I adopted Dent about a year ago. She is still a yappy cat. Her kitten Wookie vanishes for periods but shows up every 2 weeks or so.

2) Dave and the assorted things that come with that
3) ....my housemates? there is no more creative thing that would normally be three ;_;

Have two. Still married, 25 years next September. Not really at liberty to discuss my parents marriage

I got my girls at home- Jenni, Jules, Libby and June. We get together and catch each other up on life and we entertain each other. In Leeds, I would count Dave as my friend? He fills a quota, I guess ;) My housemates are close to me but sometimes I feel very distanced from them, especially as I'm the only one not doing their degree and I spend a lot of my weekends at Dave's.

Online I've slipped away from a lot of people due to my laptop not working for a month and not being as present online because of work/uni/dave/exhaustion. This makes me sadface and I want to get back those friendships. because they mean a lot to me.
klena: (listening to our apocalypse suite)
Been texting tonight and talking about LA. Went back through my Travels photos folder on my harddrive and felt my heart throb against the ribcage.

I miss you all so much

<i>and the whole mess of roads we're now on
klena: (things we lost in the war)
This was going to be yet another emo-esq blog entry about me potentially having to leave university and my life and my housemate and money and not being able to work out when i was get to go home and how much i miss people and oh god, my friend's going to have a baby girl in about three months --

but it's not. Enough about me for a bit and how I have spent my night eating student food and watching Supernatural and faffing on the internet instead of working.

I've been awake so stupidly long becuase my sleepig schedule is messed up but for now, I am letting my introspection vanish with the dying dark (but maybe just for tonight).

Today (all days) are going to be about you, my list. This entry is for you. Vent in my comments about the injustices you are stuck with now, the little things you want to change, questions you have or a subject you want opinions on.

Let me know little things about you - the quirks that make you who you are and the little routines of your life. How do you take your tea/coffee? Do you have a specific way of arranging your music or your DVDs? What are you reading now? (what do you have on your shelf that you have been meaning to read for years?)

And indulge me and tell me a reason why you keep me on you list.
klena: (heed to your heart)
Six weeks since updating and no doubt this entry I start with good intentions will descend into a series of convoluted explanations and a dull chain of events (nowhere near as theraputic, except depending on where you stand)

I had to take off my watch to start typing this - what does that say about me?

Theoretically, the best way to do this would be to choose - find a point, fix myself to it (stick my courage to the sticking place but I cannot wash things away, just like she cannot remove the spots from her hands) and progress. Move forward and breathe. That's not the way this story goes; it's not who I am, I am a jumble of inadaquaces that I manage to conceal until I am actually needed in a tangible way.

I'm about to spill my innards before you all now; not just the pretty image of the heart glistening and vibrant with life, but the visceral content of my body and all the sick little truths that comprise this sad frame I call myself.

I am ill, currently. I have spent the last 3 days vomiting my guts up, having horrible nausea, migraines, fevers, cold sweats and miserable moods. There is nothing I hate more than nausea. I prefer to spill my guts out constantly for a day rather than to be nauseous for a week.

I had no heating for 5 days. I don't believe this helped this flu that I have been sensing for about a week now. So bad that I could see my breath before me a few nights, and that's not a metaphor.

I work. I work at Fab Cafe, a movie memorabilia bar, that I adore but i missed a shift to flyer tonight. Three strikes in less than 6 months, you're out? I imagine so.

There are debt collectors after me still. I don't know how to deal with them and I would rather sell a kidney than have to deal with debt problems ever again.

I have 9 piercings now. 3 in each ear, my nose, my lip (off to the side) and my tongue. My tongue hurt like a bitch and i hope i never have to take it out because i probably would not get it done again.

My dad had a health scare recently. Within the last 2 months, he started having chest pains that were causing his left side to go numb-ish. He went through a series of blood tests, ECGs and, finally, stayed in the hospital for 5 days worth of monitoring roughly 2 weeks ago. All I wanted was to be home even though I would have just been a wreck. They still haven't figured out what's wrong but it's not his heart - or not obviously his heart. He's massively cut down on his smoking and drinking and now goes for walks in the evening. I've been so scared for him - I haven't been able to shake the feeling under my skin that I was going to have to bury my father before I hit 25.

I began to cut myself off from a circle of people I started to care about because I felt I was losing them. Better to be the one to cut cord than to be the one hanging on. I am revising this plan of action but I don't actually think my initial knee-jerk fear was so wrong.

I haven't smoked since before Christmas, I haven't self-harmed in 4 months and I've changed my medication again. I keep starting over again - maybe one of these times I'll get it right.

Of my close circle of girls (there are a circle of 4 and numberous other singulars), one is engaged and another is expected a child. I am so scared, the world gets older everytime I close my eyes.

Bandom is still my closest addiction and fandom right now. Recently, I have been not worthy of note in any endeavour I set myself in, particularly my co-mod status in [livejournal.com profile] super_bandom but I've been working on my return.

In the past 2 weeks, I have spent nights in the library until midnight, studying and reading and enjoying being a student. I have forsaken all others, shaking off ties of friendship (arguably, and I am a contrary enough bitch to argue the point) in order to work on my degree. This has also lead to my return to writing and art and creation. It feels like some of my cells are being reborn. that is such a ridiculously pretentious English-student way of putting it, but it is the truth. I have missed it, like I miss my home or the feel of my mum's arms or a small scrap of paper/single 0001011010101010001 that comprise a message that read "i miss you, i think of you, where are you?"

My faith is a contentious issue at the best of times but this year I am taking part in Lent. I am giving up swearing and asking for sponsorship. Everyday I fail, I make up the money I should have made that day. At the end of Lent, I plan to donate my scrapings to the charity my mum has founded. There are, however, exceptions to my rule. Swearing in songs (mild, borderline inoffensive as I am going to see the Cobras and Fall Out Boy before the end) and during seminars where our poets swear (Swift, I am looking at you) and for fiction/RP purposes. Myself, as a person, an entity, shall not swear. So the theory goes.

I am single and lonely but "the best of us can find happiness in misery". I tasted the misfortune of trying something, knowing it was unlikely to work and i broke myself, twisted my heart into knots trying to not be such a "fuck-up" and allow this genuinely amazing guy into my life. He is still in my life, but as a friend. It's better this way. It doesn't stop the pain I felt during the period or the pain I feel I have caused him, but I believe that this is for the best.

My skin itches for a tattoo. "I Have Been All Things Unholy" "The fall shall further the flight in me", "I went under the sea. I have been dead, and yet am not alive, but let me rest still", "your halo better gleam", "never knew a part of you you didn't set in ink" and/or "heed to your heart, and not to your wit". I feel it under my skin.

I am a self-depreciating, pitying little fuck and I hate myself for it sometimes.

I am going home for Easter. I will be home for my dad's birthday, and will belatedly celebrate my brother's 21st.

I am moving house at the end of this year.

Recently my geekery has diversified. I have been reading comic books beyond Sandman. "The Umbrella Academy", "Runaways", "Fables", "Lucifer", "The Boys", "Y: The Last Man" and "Watchmen" are all recent geek readings. It has been amazing and I want to try to write a dissertation/thesis next year on graphic novels//comics as representations of modern literature. "Watchmen" will really fucking help me out there. Movie - 2 weeks!

Sunday nights, with the exception of the past Sunday, have been reserved for me and [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams to watch Supernatural.

[livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams has probably saved my life in subtle ways since the start of this year. She is my soul twin, my non-girlfriend, my Supernatural-watching partner. We don't need to spend an inordinate amount of time in each other's presence but I love it when we do. She's snarky and a bit of a bitch but in an awesome, take-no-bollocks kind of way that I desperately have needed and funny and fangirlish and what I would be like if I were more talented and more driven. I am, and I rarely use words like these, blessed to have her in my life.

I miss those of you I know online but I cut myself off from lj for periods of time because I believe I deserve you lot. Hence why I vanish. I am usually guilting myself somewhere or working or studying.

I cannot sleep tonight. I'm sweating from this fever but I'm cold and can't get comfortable and can't sleep more than 3 hours. I feel jumbled and slightly lost and it's not just illness that is causing this but I'll blame it on that tomorrow.

"Think of us at all, if not as lost" - where is that from? Have I studied that? It's in my head and daylight is filtering in and I am going to have a shower because it is 7am and I want to try and sleep this migraine-headpain off.  
klena: (DRAMA)
Alright folks. DRAMA AHOY

Drama is mostly in the form of money and university administrative bollocks. ---> My student loan is not applied for, and today was the day everyone received their loans. There has been a cock-up there that will take a bit to sort out.
--> My rent is due on the 27th - Saturday and I don't really have the money for it. (but [livejournal.com profile] baiacu is going to pay for it this month - queue Catholic guilt regarding money lending and scathing attacks on self)
--> I am trying to apply for emergency financial aid at the university but that also takes a lot of paperwork and administrative research and proof of my lack of money and forms and the like and checking whether or not i am elegible
--> there is a registration hold on my account which means I cannot apply for this years student university year, cannot register for my course, cannot get a new student card (that gets me student discount, lets me into the university, is proof of id etc etc)
--> Said registration hold was supposed to be removed by getting a doctors note saying i was eligible to return to study and not, y'know, severely depressed and unable to cope and slightly mad
--> Received letter today saying that i need one from my home doctor not my leeds doctor because i wasn't in leeds. My doctor in northern ireland.
--> i have modules that i have changed due to not being eligable for them but they can't be changed with the lock of my account
--> I do not really have the money for said-course books and classes (and seminars) start on Monday
--> the timetime does not have all the modules i am registering/registered for so i'm not sure when i'm supposed to be at lectures

tl;dr: /o\

Hence my awesome GeeWay-DRAMA!-icon.

In better news!

--> ZOMBIE PROM ON SATURDAY. Going to try to dress like a recently-autopsied!zombie. Which would be immense. It is also being held at the place I am (hopefully) going to be working at this year.

--> Going out with my two Emma's last night in Gothic-ish dress and being called "Dita" (as in Dita Von Tease) - slightly awesome

--> Give-It-A-Go society sessions next week. Circus Soc, Art Soc, Anime Soc, Fencing, Kickboxing, Archery, Sci-Fi, Gothic, Skydiving. Good times, great days.

--> getting back in lectures and stuff.

--> DARK ART OCTOBER. And I've noticed the majority of you haven't signed up for it! FAIL. Sign up now. You know you want to. >(
klena: (ryro + bden <3 internets)
The rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated!

God, it's been weeks since I last updated or even talked to most of you properly! Let's recap briefly, shall we?

Work like the hounds of hell were on my back. Summer scheme until the Friday before I went away. Work Saturday - babysat Sat night.
Work Sunday,
Work Monday,
off Tuesday - got piercings, hair done, had meal with Libby and Jules and summer scheme people, Wednesday! FINAL SHIFT AT WORK! (looked really special with plasters on my face though, ha ha ha)
Finished up work
Impromptu night of Guitar Hero and alcohol and fun with people from McDonalds! Last people fucked off at 5am. 5am!!
DID NOT PACK A THING UNTIL 9am that morning, the day I was leaving (and my flight was at 1), almost missed my flight because I got caught up in security and, oh yeah, I HAVE A HOUSE!

I have a new address in Leeds! So, update your info, mofos!

Kathryn Denvir
11 Thornville Grove
Hyde Park

There is also something else I did...

Thou shalt not make cuttings in your flesh like the dead )

So. That is the rundown of my life so far! On the forthcoming list!

- I have a bunch of photos to put up of my summer because some of it was awesome,
- Take photos of the new house once i've started proper decorating (I moved in on Monday, Andy hasn't moved in yet and mum is arriving with the majority of my stuff tonight)
- I've to upload the Panic!At The Astoria music clips for [livejournal.com profile] sekkritbandomlj
- Sort out university course (there was a cock-up with my transfer file so i am logging onto servers with Andy's name and can't register for this year's modules :( )
- Show people my Wentz-face that I have started to pull
- Goddamn, [livejournal.com profile] peterickfics art prompt! 24th Sepemter!
- Buy tickets! The Academy Is.... 2 weeks time! Leeds!
Gym Class Heroes Day after TAI...!!
Fall Out Boy October. Need to decide which venue - [livejournal.com profile] blindeadmcjones still coming with?
Sia(??) ...October/November time?
Tilly And The Wall(??) November, I think
Cobra Starship JANUARY!!
- Uselessly repeat to myself that no, bandom has no taken over my life
- Get a job.
- Signed up for [livejournal.com profile] mcrhalloween

There are other things, fun fandom things but I will get around to those. Just as soon as I get internet in the house (or earlier) and get back into the swing of Leeds life.

In unrelated uni talk/rambling/camwhoring
klena: (smile that lights up the day)
this sleeping for 14 hours body, it needs to stop. i have shit to do! totally important stuff! argh. oh wait.


Fail is my first last AND middle name. Damn.

So! [livejournal.com profile] hybrid_xisha pointed out in last night's journal entry that people might have been a little confused by my talk of THE FANDOM BIRTHDAY

I am wearing my awesome trilby hat right now and i feel like some strange steam-punk film noir-esq journalist. it is totally awesome

Let's start with some basic background. I am a fangirl is probably the very first basic fact. I'm pretty certain everyone that is reading this entry knows this but, just for those not in the know. I love to get involved in debates and discussions about movies, anime, tv shows, bands, music, comics, you name it but Northern Ireland hasn't been exceptionally good at producing fan-persons. (well except for McDonalds but that's only happened recently)

So, I came on the internets looking for people to chat to, back in the day when I was a total N00B and reading fanfiction (and writing bad-fic oh my god). And I found them and I loved it and here I am today. Into things I never imagined I might enjoy and with a bunch of awesome fandoms and awesome PEOPLE in each fandom - people I admire, people I love, people to bounce off with insane ideas, people to write for and who do things for me.

About 4 years ago I FINALLY started reading the Harry Potter books, after years of snorting derisively at them and I loved them. As most of the people who kept trying to get me to read them knew I would. So, in 2005, awaiting my A-Level results, I realised that August 10th 2004 was the day I said to my friend [livejournal.com profile] donal (who had been lending me the books to read) that I was totally into them. So I LJ posted and asked people to request things for my Harry Potter Fandom Birthday.

The idea behind it was to celebrate my being in the Harry Potter fandom by giving gifts to the magnificent people I had met due to being in the fandom. However, the next year I realised that being just a HP birthday limited quite a few on my F-list. So I expanded it to beyond just the HP fandom and made it all fandoms.

Last year, after Leeds, I wasn't quite in the right headspace for doing fandom birthday but this year, I've travelled. I'm more of a fangirl than ever, I have a bunch of awesome new people on my flist, I have new fandoms and I feel like celebrating more than ever this year.

Also, as I realised in a discussion with [livejournal.com profile] sekkritbandomlj last night, that I've actually been in fandom for about 8-9 years. Since I first was online, reading Legend of Zelda fanfiction, joining [livejournal.com profile] hybrid_xisha's ZQL list (through my beautiful, glorious big sis [livejournal.com profile] darth_zal). So, this is 9 or so years I am celebrating.

So that's the idea of Fandom Birthday. It's my way of celebrating each and every one of you. It's celebrating the things that have brought us together, it's challenging me to ACTUAL CONTRIBUTE TO FANDOM, it's reminding me of every fandom I loved, I lost, I still harbour a secret thing for, fandoms I don't know yet, fandoms I'm still tiptoeing around the edges of.

Hopefully that's explained the idea. So! With all that explained, I am totally expecting YOU ALL to go back two entries to the fandom birthday request post and get involved. You can totally request for fandoms I haven't listed - even your own RP 'verses as long as you give me enough information. Even comics, online comics, anything. Cross-over verses! Retelling myths with fandom characters! Making fanmixes! Icons! Art! Writing! I'm totally up for this and I want it.

Help me celebrate the things that keep me going.

♥ ♥ ♥
klena: (omgyes!)
right, seriously body, FUCKING PULL IT TOGETHER. this is reaching the point of NOT ON now. you have me sweating like a Vegas hooker in a confessional. and all i did was whisk pancake batter and cut carrots and leeks. WHAT IS THIS?

not on at all.

on brighter news! The Academy Is... are playing in Leeds towards the middle of next month when I shall be back at university so hurrah for that! Plus Fall Out Boy are playing the UK in October and then Cobra Starship are playing Leeds in January. Hurrah and good times! I plan to see them all.



Now, for those who have not been around for very long (hi guys!), I started this idea about 2-3 years ago as my general fandom birthday. It began originally as a Harry Potter fandom birthday but I've moved beyond that now.

The Idea of the Fandom Birthday is this: I give you presents. As, like, a thank you for being my friend and being in my fandoms. And this year I am:
1) actually definitely around for it and have time to do the gifts
2) have an entire new bunch of people to love upon ♥
3) my darling wife [livejournal.com profile] waxrose is going on haitus very soon so i want this year to be special

Anybody who reads this is free to prompt - even if you've never commented or even spoken to me before~!

Any and all fandoms approved! Although I would really prefer if we stayed within the boundaries of what I know:
- Gaiman-world
- Supernatural
- Firefly/Buffy/Angel/Jossverse
- His Dark Materials
- Bandom
- Bleach
- Full Metal Alchemist
- Legend of Zelda
- Silent Hill
- Dr. Who
- Saiyuki
- Joeyverse
- ZQL-verse
- South Park
- House

etc etc etc

So comment early! Comment often! Please be slightly specific with your prompts. Do you want art, fic, a fanmix or a combination? What fandom? Do you have a specific prompt? Does the rating bother you? Comment as many times as you like! Get on it, my friends!

♥ ♥
klena: (blood gets in your eyes)
i am ill. i have even taken the day off work i am ill. this is a very rare occasion people. true facts.

i cannot stand up for more than 10 minutes or move without gut-wrenching nausea and i have a temperature and am cold and hot and achy and tired and sore and too awake. yuk yuk yuk

however i did have a glorious Jules in my house last night after we were all together at Lillybet's and we sat swapping music and chatting and looking at florida photos until 5am. then i passed out. and woke up at 9 and called work.

jules also helped me figure out how to CORRECTLY WORK Helena so now i am transferring music. good times great days. (Helena is my external harddrive)

i am going back to bed now to nap and not be sick and drink tea and feel sorry for myself and watch DVDs and cuddle kitten.

any and all recs or love or music pimping? totally ♥'d upon
klena: (we were in love once)
SO! Imagine, if you will, a Werid Shit life. Bring yourself to this world with my words.

You do not sleep the night before your open shift. You climb into bed, having set the computer to download all of Nobuta wo Produce and Kimi wa Petto after buying TONS OF STUFF in Belfast that day. You go to Belfast with the Mother and the Brother - The Brother's Drink explodes in your handbag and your courtesy phone (because your other one is being fixed after JUST RANDOMLY DYING IN LONDON) does not switch on anymore.

You lie awake from midnight, closing your eyes and everytime you wake up, only 20-30 minutes has passed. Nothing you do lulls you to sleep. Sigh.

You climb out of bed at 6am to head to work. As you leave your park you discover that, whilst your CD player worked last night despite being drenched in coke, TODAY IT DOES NOT. You trek down to work in silence, entertaining yourself with THE POWERS OF YOUR MIND and THE GLORY THAT IS BANDOM (all the while thinking that it is TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT)

You find a kitten. Curled into the corner of a shop door on the main street of your town. You try to pick it up only for it to DART ACROSS THE ROAD AND ALMOST GET HIT BY A CAR. You freak out (you've seen cats die recently and almost hit another one a week ago going into work) and go to it. Some random man (and what the fuck is he even doing UP at 6:30??) helps you catch it. It's tiny and terrified and cries and you hold it, feeling it shiver. You take it into work. Your shift manager for the day (Kev) lets you in when he arrives and you hold the kitten as you pace around the store. Eventually you phone your dad to take it home and look after it because you cannot just LEAVE IT in the crew room for your 9 hour shift and it's so tiny and needs to be looked after.

You work until 4 and stumble out of work. Return home to the kitten.


But isn't it ADORABLE?!

klena: (bobgeefrank)
haven't been much in the form for writing to lj the past week or so. Am guessing (hoping) that is just to do with the long hours of work and work and work and the heat of the summer and the constant roll-around, count-the-hours to the next shift.

Like now. today was my day off and i spent the majority of it in bed, re-reading [livejournal.com profile] bexless's fucking awesome "Stigmata"-inspired, MCR Bigbandom fic and wanting to draw or write or make cds and i just...couldn't. just felt so...uninspired and tired and like a shadow of myself. don't like it, want it to stop right the fuck now.

but i had My Girls down here last night and we baked in the kitchen (chocolate and carmel brownies and raspberry and white chocolate brownies that ended up more like cake) and played music and Jules now is Highly Interested in Panic At The Disco because she saw a poster of them (i think) and said "That band...Panic...the boys are pretty hot in it, right?" So I got to show them all the photos from the Astoria gig and then Jules and I went through my Bandom Pics folder where I showed her the GLORY that is:
Ryan Ross's awesome stage make-up
Pete Wentz's tattoos
Gerard Way's eyelashes
Frank Iero smoking and being a dork
Half-naked bandom boys
Vicky-T being motherfucking gorgeous and
William Beckett's hips (and Spencer Smith's hips. And Andy Hurley's hips)

I will corrupt her to the bandom world. Oh yes. >D

So we baked and cooked and make a fuckload of tea. Seriously. I had been in work until 2 the day before, got home at 4am, was in work again at 10 until 6 that night and then waited for the girls to arrive at 8. So. there was lots of chocolate and caffiene consumed. To the point where i was buzzing right until I finished washing the dishes at 3am and fell into bed.

My life, people. A nonstop rollercoaster of excitement.

i am supposed to be working at 7am tomorrow but Nicole rang and asked me to come in at 10 instead and, hey, i'm not saying no to that. So my tentative plan is:

bed now
work until 6
get changed
go home
into work at 7am.


I should get right on that.

[edit] choose from my interests! I will explain them to you. You get 7 picks - knock yourself out kids


klena: (Default)

April 2017

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