klena: (the stars are falling from the sky)
Had one of those days where I've just felt kinda crappy all day. The jobs listed today were all for really technical jobs like engineers or paralegal/legal jobs which are completely WAY out of my field. Lovely housemate has emailed her recruitment firm for me to recommend me so I'm going to send them my email in the morning and then give them a call in the afternoon.

I just feel really disheartened and lonely and since I've come back from home, all I want to do is move back home. Which came completely out of left field really but the more I think about it...I think it's just because I'm always really concerned about my family and with both Mama and Papa D being diagnosed with high blood pressure and things, it just makes me really worry. And I want to be with my parents and get really annoyed at them for being tits and just get hugs from my mum when I want them and someone to play Rockband with.

I don't know whether I'm just having a delay in processing this year or I'm just in a slump but I rang my mum tonight and ended just having a bit of a weep on the phone to her. Which then I felt guilty for and apologised for because I didn't want to worry her. But all I really wanted was a hug from my mummy.

So I might just organise a few days home with the money my mum gave me for Christmas. I just. I don't want to feel this way. So I've been playing "Batman: Arkham Asylum" and I'm going back around the game and collecting all the Riddler things to try and stop thinking about iut. But. Well.

I'm sorry for whining. Have a picture of a cool as fuck cat.

klena: (all the way up to heaven)
Now, unless you were under a rock today, you may have heard today was the Royal Wedding. So we had a party at Han and Guy's today. I missed almost the entire ceremony because of picking up some food and stuff for the party but I dolled myself up and spent the day in marvellous company. It would have been lovely if Dave could have been there, but it wasn't meant to be apparently.

We had Prosecco and strawberries to toast the couple when they shared their first kiss as a married couple, which was a really nice tradition. So I got a little pissed and comfy and sleepy which we cured by watching "The Queen" and then having more tea and playing "Balderdash". [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams made a fucking glorious cake and we had strawberries and cream and summer foods and om nom nom tasty.

Friends of ours also got married today, [livejournal.com profile] mofette and her partner Richard, who won the Hobgoblin "Alternative Royal Wedding" competition. I look forward to seeing the photos of that.

Today made me feel a lot better, but I know it's a process of highs and lows. I just hope this all get resolved sooner rather than later. I feel so ready to start moving on with our lives. Even all the scary settled adult shit we've discussed, all that seems just...exciting rather than scary. Weird!

Here's a few photos taken from today under the cut

The Royal Union of Prince William and Catherine Middleton )
klena: (the motion makes me strong)
I'm really tired with all the strain, and being on a knife-edge waiting for news. I honestly don't know what I would have done without [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams yesterday. That's a lie, I do, I would have had another mental breakdown or "episode" or whatever the technical P.C. term for it is now. She's amazing, I just couldn't ask for a better friend or soul-twin.

Royal Wedding tomorrow! Now, being Northern Irish, the Royal Family/Britain is a bit of a touchy subject just because of the politics and stuff. However! Hannah and Guy are holding a Royal Wedding party where there will be stawberries and cream and cake and booze and an indoor picnic (because the weather forcast is crap). I am looking forward to it, and seeing Guy and Han before they go off to Japan for a month.

A whole 4 more days off! April, you have been a strange month - fact.

Music inspired by a twitter conversation between myself, [livejournal.com profile] whitehaiku and [livejournal.com profile] adellyna about Jude who I have not listened to properly in about a year or so? Definitely before my laptop was stolen. But I had an urge today to put it all back on. Turns out buying the CDs in first year was an excellent life choice

In order to cheer myself up, and everyone else, have some Joseph Gordon-Levitt and his amazing face.

klena: (Default)
So since falling asleep last night, I seem to have gotten ill again. I woke up with a fucking killer headache, my nose hasn't stopped running all day, sneezing tons and I think I have a fever. Great body, I really appreciate this. I was just getting better.

Not that it matters, the reason I was excited for tomorrow is no longer happening. Or delayed. The waiting and the not knowing is the hardest part.

I can't wait to spend time with the girls tomorrow and get cuddles. I need them lots.

Antilamentation

Regret nothing. Not the cruel novels you read
to the end just to find out who killed the cook.

Not the insipid movies that made you cry in the dark,
in spite of your intelligence, your sophistication.

Not the lover you left quivering in a hotel parking lot,
the one you beat to the punchline, the door, or the one
who left you in your red dress and shoes, the one
that crimped your toes, don't regret those.

Not the nights you called god names and cursed
your mother, sunk like a dog in the livingroom couch,
chewing your nails and crushed by loneliness.

You were meant to inhale those smokey nights
over a bottle of flat beer, to sweep stuck onion rings
across the dirty restaurant floor, to wear the frayed
coat with the loose buttons, its pocket full of struck matches.

You've walked those streets a thousand times and still
you end up here. Regret none of it, not one
of the wasted days you wanted to know nothing
when the lgihts from the carnival rides
were the only stars you believed in, loving them
for their uselessness, not wanting to be saved.

You've travelled this far on the back of every mistake,
ridden in dark-eyed and morose but calm as a house
after the tv set has been pitched out the upstairs
window. Harmless as a broken axe. Emptied
of expectations. Relax.

Don't bother remembering any of it.

Lets stop here, under the lit sign
of the corner, and watch all the people walk by.

-- Dorianne Laux
klena: (used to be the right one)
I went to bed early tonight. The first time in maybe 3 weeks I have been in bed before 2am, (10.30pm actually) only to be woken up at 1am by take-away arriving for my housemate because they rang my doorbell. It is now 3:54 and I still can't get back to sleep. I am furious, and angry, and now everything else about our other two housemates that really fucks me off is buzzing around my head. I'm really resentful, and pissed off and it's probably the lack of sleep and the stress of the last week building.

I just feel like a bitch, all prickly edges and short temper. It's probably because something huge is due to happen on Wednesday but it's not a certain thing yet. And til yesterday I was okay, just going to let things happen because that's the way the world works. But now I feel all crazy and nervous and I want it really badly.

So I'm sitting in bed now, head spinning with the thought of it and dying to smoke. I don't smoke normally, only in the times of real stress, but now feels like one of those times.

I also really want to rehaul icons again, except I lost fucktons of the ones I really liked in the Grand Robbery of 2010. An Inception one is definitely needed though.

National poetry month has begun. Have a gorgeous one by Richard Siken, I love his stuff so much, especially since [livejournal.com profile] musesfool posted some of his stuff about 2 years back. First stanza before the rest being placed under a cut.

A Primer for the Small Weird Loves

1.
The blond boy in the red trunks is holding your head underwater
because he is trying to kill you,
and you deserve it, you do, and you know this,
and you are ready to die in this swimming pool
because you wanted to touch his hands and lips and this means
your life is over anyway.
You're in the eighth grade. You know these things.
You know how to ride a dirt bike, and you know how to do
long division,
and you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless
he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you
didn't do,
because you are weak and hollow and it doesn't matter anymore.

continued below the cut )

I really want "Inception" fic based on this poem. My heart
klena: (a virgin losing a child)
I haven't blogged properly in a few weeks because of the fucking extra-ordinary circumstances I now find myself in.

I'm not going to pour my heart out about it here, it's not the time or the place. And also, whilst I have a large circle of friends who I believe should all get to know what's happening, I don't want the additional stress of wondering who they'll tell and the potential judgement that comes with everything we say. So better to keep my mouth closed.

It's much easier functioning from day to day now, but I think that's only because there is no option for me to run away from the business. This is something that I have to get through, because burying my head in the sand would destroy something that a lot of time and effort and dedication has gone into.

It'll be a month on Friday, which is strange. I keep wondering if I've actually just cracked mentally because surely I, with my history of falling apart, should have had a proper breakdown by now? Although maybe that's what those first few days were.

In another way, it is nice to know that I do have inner strength. I always wondered if I did.

There is the possibility of big news next week which will give me a possible end date to work towards. I wasn't expecting any news on that topic for at least a month so it was a little startling to hear it today.

These past few weeks and everything that has come with them has made me think a lot about the nature of love and of being in love.

I love a lot, even though I feel like a twisted, bitter old crone sometimes. And I am a bit of a wretched person sometimes, I don't work hard enough to maintain friendships and I'm a hermit when things get hard, and sometimes I just can't be bothered. But I do honestly care and love a lot of people. I love some people that I know no longer think of me, I love people who I see everyday, and I love people I've never met.

But when it comes to Love and of Being In Love, well...

I always assumed that you just knew when you were in love with a person, that it was as obvious as the days of the week, as your very own hands stretched out before you.

And it's not like that at all, is it? Being in love is quiet, and catches you unaware when you remember - like a small gesture, the cupping of your cheek or seeing them breathe beside you at night or the look in their eyes that you half-catch. Being in love is a background thing, that waits to remind you patiently of its existence, like your distant awareness of your limbs during the day when you aren't doing anything crucial with them.

It's not fireworks and torrid passion and burning intensity, although those definitely do happen too. Yet those things happen when you're not in love with someone, you just think you are. Sadly, been there, done that and what a fucking mess that was!

Being in love makes me feel a little embarrassed to phrase it like that. It sounds soppy and overly cute or even borderline nauseating. But I know I am. Because he's made me better for being with him, and made me worse in some ways (but only in little things).

But possibly the biggest thing that makes me know that I must be in love with him is how I will do what needs to be done for us and the thought of our future together. And I'm doing it, without a mental breakdown (just mini flaps of distress) and without anger or resentment because I see this as something we need to do, a hurdle that needs leapt over (or a wall that needs climbing really) in order for us to move forward with our lives.

It's not easy. But I feel the end result is going to be worth it. And even if it isn't, and we don't last forever like we want to, I know I'll be able to say to people in years to come that yes, I was definitely in love at least once in my life and it was real and I wasn't misguided and it wasn't one-sided.

And that's enough for me, at the moment. So I'll wait and continue with everything, and keep living until all this is done, and then we'll get to move on together. And I think it's going to be fantastic.
klena: (patron saint of switchblade fights)
Hello my lovelies!

I'm needing some help regarding questions as I'm not much of a cosplayer! What would you consider the most popular cosplay costumes that people would buy? I would assume Naruto and Bleach costumes? But what else?

It'd be silly to deny that superhero costumes would also be a huge market, but would you be more inclined to buy a costume for a Superhero movie that is due to come out or the costume of a slightly less mainstream character? (For example, would you be likely to choose a Jean Grey costume or a Miss Marvel costume?)

Would you, as a consumer, be more inclined to buy wigs or costumes? My personal logic would dictate that wigs would a more crucial purchase than a costume, but would you agree with that?

All this is market research for my new role in Fancy Dress Queen :) So please help!

Love love love ♥
klena: (familiar faces and mixed up memories)
My boy and I are dorks and follow a vigorous beauty routine

Read more... )
klena: (told you i'd be here forever)
So my journaling fail cannot be qualified within one blog, but sadly all I can do is apologise. When I now get time to check LJ and the like, I read the entries (or at least, the entries that interest me, sorry random communities) and then am too tired to write anything.

Currently, I am in the middle of my second 15 hour shift at the agency. Yesterday 9.30am to 12am (or 12.30 if I'm honest) and then today 9.30 until midnight. Our other evening secretary is off on holiday for two weeks for her sister's wedding which left shifts to be covered. So between myself and the boss, we're splitting the 8 shifts she's not going to be here for. That also means 3 extra 15 hour days and a 12 hour Sunday shift.

The weather today means that it's been really really quiet all day. I have taken 15 calls today since 9.30am. But I'm actually okay with that because I feel really drained this evening. Whether it is the weather or the nights darkening or the fact that I worked 15 hours last night and didn't get to sleep until 2 is all to be seen.

I will get my backside into gear after I come back from my break (and maybe have a nap on it) as I'll have the entire evening to get through as well. That is my plan.

All in all, despite the stress and long hours, I'm grateful. It's hell sometimes and draining, but the job puts money on the table for the important things like rent and food. And really, that's the most important thing. It's awful, but sometimes I forget that.

I should really post a blog with a few pictures from when Dave and I were back in N.Ireland last week. That was really lovely.

In more exciting news I'm going to move in with Dave. Not in June, like I imagined, but possibly next week. His housemate Timmy moved out Monday as I was due to pay the rent on the room in a house I have spent a grand total of 4 hours in since I moved in at the end of August. So Dave suggested I move in with him and Ant as I live there anyway because of how close it is to work.

After checking it was okay with Ant and Laura (Ant's girlfriend who is due to move in December), we agreed on it yesterday afternoon. I've emailed my landlord (who I hadn't given my contract back to, due to various circumstances) about it today and I'm just awaiting a response. I don't foresee there being an issue as I haven't signed any real contract and I've offered to pay 2 weeks rent in October, regardless of whether I'm there or not.

That sounds fair, right?

But it's all quite exciting! Dave and I have been discussing moving in together a lot recently and whilst we still want our own place, this makes so much sense.
1. I live there anyway, just in one box at the moment
2. I never see that house at all
3. It's more cost-effective for both of us and for Ant
4. It stops me living out of a box and having to schedule time to go up to the other place for clothes/books/stuff

Exciting times! There's a lot still to be sorted, but we're going to get it resolved as soon as I have an evening free, probably Friday and move me as soon as we can :)

Which reminds me! [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams, that lovely gentleman of yours owns a motor vehicle, does he not? Would he mind helping me move? I'll pay for the pleasure!
klena: (used to be the right one)
I am being naughty and posting from work because I have been here for a whole 10 hours now and I've still got 4.5 hours before I can leave work. Oh Tuesdays, why you gotta treat me so bad?

I actually have no ideas in mind for this journal entry, all I know is that I really should update with something other than twitter because I don't even tweet that often now due to the whole, y'know, 55+ hour working weeks now.

So. The update as it it.

I have been with Moulin Rouge now since the 14th June. Which I guess means today is my 3 month anniversary. Oh god, it feels longer. Maybe that's just because I'm here so much. In 3 months I've gone from working 25.5 hours a week to my near 60 hour load. It's strange. I don't mind it here, the pay is really good. However, I work 6 days a week and I don't feel like I have much of a life anymore. Maybe that's just due to it being summer and universities being broken up and the fact most of my peers have moved away from Leeds. :(

But it all starts again next week, and I'm one of animesoc's social secretaries this year. Which means one night a week of guaranteed socialising. Yes!

Today is my mama and papa's 25th wedding anniversary. It is strange and wonderful, I believe that two people can be together and married for so long. I know it's not easy. And that's why I think it's marvellous. Congratulations parents ♥

Dave and I are going home next week to spend 2 whole days there. We're celebrating the anniversary and the 1 month anniversary of my granny's death. It's strange to think like that. My mum offer me and Dave a place to stay in granny's. I couldn't even contemplate it. I think I'd just cry every minute I was in there.

I keep feeling quite lost and frustrated. This job is not a career for me. However the money is really good and I believe it'd be stupid to give up a non-exactly-taxing job for little better reason that frustration and disillusionment. Dave believes I need to do some retail therapy in order to see the benefit of all this work. The issue with that is that I don't have desire to spend. Or, more accurately, I don't have a strong enough to desire to spend on things I'd like.

Fail.

In other news, I am currently trying to keep a teenager from killing herself whilst at university. She's had some pretty horrific stuff happen to her through the course of her life and I'm bred from Caring Staff stock. Except I spend 4 hours on Saturday on the phone to her because she was depressed (seriously) and drunk. And whilst I want to help her, I cannot live her life for her and I cannot, will not molly-cuddle her. It won't help. I received a text last night telling me to tell her she had done wrong because she slept with a guy at uni last night and felt it was cheating on her ex/boyfriend who is IN PRISON for abuse. WHAT.

I keep getting frustrated because she won't accept help or acknowledge what's happened as not her fault. I want to ring some form of social services/suicide prevention because I just don't know what to do otherwise.

Wow, this is an amazingly cheerful entry. But may that's the way it is. I am happy. But somedays it's just a little harder than others. It's easier when I'm with Dave or busy with friends.

Life, eh?
klena: (gabe needs to work on his magic act)
Because i am the bestest girlfriend ever, and a very proud one at that, i promised i'd do this for my pretty boy. Also, i'm pretty certain i can wangle some reward out of him, if you know what I mean.

Seriously though, he sells a wide range of costumes and all at really decent prices. Please just click on the link and help him out, please?

Consider it a personal favour which i will repay in whatever way you so desire ;)

Hallowen costumes! Maids! Sailors! Etc!!

www.otleyrunfancydress.co.uk
klena: (to let the light in)
I haven't posted an actual journal entry since the robbery. Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone for their kind comments and actions and concern. You people helped me to get through it, and even though it's not over yet, I can't thank you enough for your kindness ♥

In a related update, we've heard nothing back from the police and searching Gumtree hasn't turned up any leads so I'm pretty resigned to everything being gone. Part of me is okay with it and another part is still heartbroken because I remember all the things I saved that are gone forever, like some of my photography that I never uploaded anywhere.

I've been doing photoshoots with Dave. I've got 4 photoshoots under my belt now, and the one of Sunday was pretty big - 6 models over a number of hours. I want to do more, to learn more photography techniques, to be better.

I also have a job interview tomorrow afternoon. I wanted a job at Waterstones, but I didn't get it, sadly. So I've been applying for jobs everywhere. And one hour after I applied for a job I got a phonecall to come for an interview tomorrow. Let's see how it goes.

I graduate next month. That doesn't get any easier to process. Neither do the goodbyes.
klena: (storm in the form of a girl)
Hello my beautiful friends

I have not returned entirely, just taking a break from procastinating from studying for my final exam.

I do, however, have a question for the creative people on the list! Regarding photography in particular.

I may or may not be the photographer for Dave's next photoshoot, which is awesome and terrifying because these are photos for his business. We've been having discussions about the camera to use, which one would produce the best photos and Dave's narrowed his choices down to two cameras:
- The Canon EOS 500D DSLR
and
- The Nikon D5000 DSLR

Based on what you know about cameras, which camera would be the best choice for a studio photoshoot, producing high quality images?

Any and all input would be very much appreciated. :)
klena: (girl anachronism)
We, as in Sheaf house, have had our internet and phone cut off. This sounds awful - AND IT IS - but since we technically haven't been paying for internet this past 8 months, I feel like a shitty person complaining. Free internet and phone! It's raised a fuckton of issues for us regarding getting/renewing our contract (stupid 12 month contract bollocks) but maybe it's a blessing in disguise considering this is the beginning of my last 2 weeks of classes plus my self-assigned Essay Weeks.

True fact though: I was a little upset at the thought that I might not reach the end of the month without posting again, especially with my Twitter account. I want a full month of updates! How sad is that?

However, the issue now is that I live in the library for these few weeks and the library has the internet. I've just checked Facebook, Twitter and Livejournal. It's taken me 1hr 22 minutes and I have a fuckton of tabs open. faaaaaiiiiilllll.

Although my target for my essay writing today is 666 words. I feel this is totally manageable! The issue is just getting started!

I was going to start at 11 but now I'm realising that I've been awake 2 1/2 hours and have only had water. I think it'd make sense to go grab some breakfast/lunch before trying to write. Otherwise I might just fall asleep at the keyboard.

Which would be bad!

I also wish to let people know that it was my 1 year (non)anniversary with Dave yesterday and we went out for dinner. Except I dolled myself up and wore some nice shoes but walked to meet him. I have 5 plasters on my feet now due to skin being rubbed raw. Sexy. Although it did provoke comedy value on the way home as I paced along in my bare feet after dinner because my plasters kept being rubbed off by the shoes. It also lead to impromptu piggybacks ♥

I also found out a little more about Us during dinner. I assumed I was just a booty call for him, and was surprisingly okay with that! Sort of. But he felt the same. After I left that first Sunday, he said he had no clue what was going on. He thought it might have just been a booty call for me too, but he also thought it wasn't just sex. Which was awesome to hear! It made me smile :)

It is also making me procastinate. Lazy Nirish! I am going to buy my brunch and then eat it and then write until 4 and then go to my lecture and then write some more. Plan? Plan.
klena: (storm in the form of a girl)
So most of my LJ update page is being taken up with my Twitter-updates. I realise that must be really annoying for people to read. Sorry :/ However, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to stick with it for at least a little bit longer. (the page being made of Tweets, rather than genuine LJ posts) And why so?

Because....

I have now entered the Final Stages of my degree. Literally, it (should) be all engines go now, as I have less than 4 weeks before my degree is over. I finish on the 18th of May. That's less than a month from now.

In the interim of this month, I have to
- make sure all the research is done for my two essays
- finish reading "iHenryIV" for class tomorrow
- read "Austerlitz" (and nobody tell me about it!!)
- read "King Lear"
- do a mini-presentation on "King Lear"
- read "Samson Agonistes" for Milton
- plus more "Paradise Lost" for Milton seminar (and my essay)
- ...and "Paradise Regained" for class (and my essay)
- attend 4 more lectures on Shakespeare
- meet with my tutors to discuss my essays
- write a 4000 word essay on "Paradise Lost" - God and Satan
- write a 4000 word essay on a topic of my chosing for "Stories of the Eye" (most likely sexual desire and male anxiety of the female I think? Fuck fuck fuck!!)
- tweak said essays and make sure they are not complete bollocks
- hand in essays
- reread all my Shakespeare plays and highlight quotes to write and learn
- learn quotes
- attend 3hr15mns exam on Shakespeare

And then promptly die.

PLUS!!!

This list is only my academic list. Obviously it is the most important list of all lists ever yet there are still other important things to fit it as well such as:
- Housemate Hannah's birthday on Saturday
- My 1-year-(non)-anniversary with Dave on Sunday (OH MY FUCKING GOD *____*)
- The East Asian Ball (with my housemates and friends \o\ - fancy dresses and shit!!)

So, in other words, I am sorta kinda fucked. So fucked I have broken my life down into a timetable



See?

I'll give you a moment just to appreciate my organisation and bask in awe of my awesome procastination skills.

Ultimately I'm announcing a mini-haitus I guess? Understandably I hope. Not that you'll even notice I'm gone! I am not much of an internet presence anymore (woe and betide ;_;). But any spare thoughts of good, positive karma, psychic energy, internet hugs and reassurance would be so fucking massively loved upon, if you could spare it?

I've worked 3 years to get here. I want to leave my degree with (hopefully) a 2:1. I want to make my family proud. I want to do myself proud.

So! I'll still be checking LJ (because I can't keep myself away, no matter what the deadline, as January proved orz) but if I'm on MSN or AIM or Twitter, be nice to me? I feel like I should be having a breakdown now so I'm sort of resigned and waiting. I am a paragon of positive thoughts.

♥ ♥ ♥ you all fucktons. Metric fucktons even. Wish me well! Think of me, message me, text me, email me. You just might save my sanity. I'll be thinking (sporadically!) of you.
klena: (gabe needs to work on his magic act)
Dave asked me to announce on my "journal-bloggy thing" that he has no intention of running for the Popehood because he's not a hat person.

Context?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8590308.stm
klena: (storm in the form of a girl)
I realised that my last 8-10 entries have just been my tweets being reshipped. That is ridiculous but also accurate of my life.

It's been a while of interesting conversations. Particularly tonight, where we discussed transgender people, the issues relating to gender-reassignment surgery and the wider societal issues regarding people who don't fit into the heteronormative bubble that society dictates we should exist in.

[edit] It also contains the vague tale of Dave and myself.

keep your head above water, but don't forget to breathe )
klena: (knowledge does not fade or wear away)
Gagh, body, why you gotta be hating on me? You have been very lovely to me today and I highly appreciate that (including the constant energy, although maybe that's just what sunlight does to me - HI SUN, SHINE ON MEEEEEEEE~~~~). HOWEVER! Yesterday was NOT ON, fever and killer cramps and migraine and feeling pitiful. And Dave saw me being all PMS-y and feeling horrible! Do not like. Although he was really good about it :) Well, after the mockery ♥

I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO THIS WEEK, FUCK.

I emailed my tutor to say I wouldn't be in today's Milton seminar because I was crap and passed out at Dave's last night when I meant to go home and do my homework and I didn't want to turn up to his class without having done my work and avoid talking all class because that is just shit of me. Although I didn't say that in the email. I told him I'd been ill yesterday (which was true, fucking migraine and fever. I could not stop fluctuating between being too hot or too cool) and wasn't feeling great today either (which was a white lie...okay it was a lie DON'T JUDGE ME, IT WAS FOR GOOD REASONS!). So I'm going to tomorrow's class instead which destroys my day off, but I also have a rescheduled "Stories of the Eye" class as well.

All this would be fine if I didn't have two 1700 words essays for Thursday. 3200 words! Bastards. It's my own fault for leaving it so late but it's really hard starting work early! I need pressure! Although, generally when pressure starts, my body decides it is the perfect time for sleeps. Oh what's that? Book to read for tomorrow and present to the class? I'll just get myself settled anzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Which is exactly what my body is trying to do to me now. Bad show, old boy.

I wish I didn't get so wound up about the work either. I mean, these are unassessed essays! As long as I hand them in, none of the marks go towards my final grade, but handing them in is the most important part because otherwise they don't let you pass the module without anything higher than a 40 mark (basic Pass). I cannot let such things happen.

So. Two essays. One will be on Satan and the other will be on....something. "Stories of the Eye" is really worrying me because a) I haven't done that much research yet and b) it is more theoretical and exploring visual representation in literature. And that is HARD, okay, the classes are really intense and intellectual and AWESOME but HARD. So. Mild panic.

Normally I would just leave all the work until the night before but I cannot write two essays in one night, I am NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO DO THAT (do you hear me brain?). Because I will have a mental breakdown and probably hyperventilate and cry or some shit. BAD TIMES (do you hear me brain?)

Also, we have to read "Titus Andronicus" for Friday's Shakespeare class. Which I am okay about (sort of, I may have nightmares about all the violence and rape and mutilation) but it's at the end of the week and I will probably be dying. (Because I also plan on celebrating essay hand-ins by ACTUALLY GOING TO ANIMESOC ON THURSDAY. Shocking, I know) Not because I'm hungover, but because I'm tired. I got Dave to download the Julie Taymore movie from 1999. A clip of it was shown today in our lecture. It looks like an awesome adaptation. But, y'know, ultimately horrifying. Damn you Shakespeare!

So it is a long week! And because I am currently suffering the trials of womanhood (and isn't that nicer than saying 'on the rag'), I'm extra sensitive and moany and bollocks. However, getting through this week will lead into a) time with Dave b)the last week of term before Easter c) St. Patrick's Day and d) The Skin Two Fetish Ball or Wendyhouse. This week is the war before the peace.

I can get through this. Then I have a month to relax and catch up on work and legitimately veg out.

Dave has also been expanding on my miserable movie education, bless his heart. For those not in the know, my movie experiences are woeful. All those amazing movies that everyone cries out that you need to see? I've seen 20 minutes of. Or the last half. Or bits and pieces of, as I flicked through channels. In the last 5 days or so, I have watched "The Hurt Locker", "Pulp Fiction", "Lucky Number Slevin", "Eurotrip", "The Crazies" and maybe something else....Maybe it was more "Viva La Bam", we have been ploughing through that. But in conclusion, I need to watch more movies. Or actually watch all of them.

My plan now is to get into some hella comfy sweats, grab my Milton homework, switch Titus on and go to sleep early. Gotta work! Gotta feel the burn!
klena: (knowledge does not fade or wear away)
Results from my exams in January have all come through.
Narratives of Japanese Modernity: 70
Literature of the 1890s: 68
Modern Literature: 60
An small explanation of the UK university system. 90 is the highest mark you can get, which is marked as an Exceptional First, 40 is the minimum Pass mark and the grade boundaries therefore stretch as such:
Exceptional First
First
2:1 (High, Marginal, Borderline)
2:2 (High, Marginal, Borderline)
Third (High, Marginal)
Bare Pass
Marginal Fail
Fail.

With all the faffery of last year, I finished the year with 3 2:1 grades, 2 2:2 grades and a High Third. One of the 2:2's was a module I was trying to write essays during a black patch of depression and the Third was the Shieldmaidens module which I never really wanted to do, but had to and try and pass with only a few weeks to catch up on a semester's worth of bunking.

So for me to complete my first semester of Final Year with 2 2:1's and a First is amazing to me.

Granted, my studying this far this semester has slipped because of February Blues and etc etc but it makes me think I might be able to achieve a 2:1 degree. Which would be amazing.

Currently, I am very sleepy as I spent the past 2 nights at Dave's. Wednesday I came down after a Nando's dinner and seeing "The Princess and the Frog" with Leah and Hannah and we fucking loved it. Disney, oh Disney. So Wednesday night was okay but Thursday I had an essay due in for today at 11am so that had to be written. Yesterday was spent before my laptop, in Dave's bed, attempting to construct something that had a semblance of order to it. Although, considering I was aiming at writing about 1200 words, managing to hit the 1700 word target pleased me greatly. But because of the secondary reading I had to do before I could write the essay, I didn't write a word until 6-7pm. I was finished at 2:30am but Dave and I lay in bed watching Nip/Tuck and stuff so it was definitely after 4:30 when I went to sleep. Then I had to get up at 10am to buy "As You Like It" and come to my seminar and make some vague sense.

Seminar was pretty fun though, we discussed genitalia in Shakespeare, gender boundaries, meta-theatre, Scandanavians being horny because it's dark so much of the year, Spring being sexy and Greek pedophiles (my seminar tutors term, not mine). So I managed to work my way through it all.

Came home, ate, and now am finished folding clothes from Monday before I pull myself together and head down to Dave's again. We have a Date Night ahead of us.

I feel I should also mention that I feel sort of ostracised from a lot of people for a lot of reasons, but not knowing what to do. I'm trying to finish my degree which means that my time for recreation has been cut down and also, my temper has frayed quite a bit recently. I'm abrasive and it's really fucking obvious when I'm unimpressed with people because my face is expressive and I hate feeling like I'm the one bringing bad vibes to a group. But it's the way I am at the minute. I'm prickly and horrible and grumpy and I can't promise to be better.

But I can tell you that I feel like shit.

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