klena: (but when the sun shines again)
Looking back, it's been just over a week since my last proper LJ entry so I should probably pour my heart out or something equally obnoxious to counter-balance the Twitter feed.

It's been another one of those weeks. My crazy has been up and down like a fucking rollercoaster this week. Still fighting bureaucracy and getting nowhere. It's hard to think of all the hard work and tears that we've been through might not have sort of been for nothing. If I wasn't so ridiculous at looking after myself, I'd treat myself to a massage because my shoulders are up around my ears. But I'm not.

We have officially started the house-hunt for July and I saw our first property with [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams and Waz yesterday. Fuck, it was such a beautiful house but the top floor just let us down :( However! We have many another property to view over this week and I've made little notes in my Moleskin (thank you again [livejournal.com profile] kalidor) about each one that we think we're going to view.

It's all really exciting now that we've got the process going and sort of solidifies a lot of different things.
A new place for Dave and I where we can live sort of equally together (not that we don't already, but when you move into their place, it always feels a little like....you're coming into their space?).
Making sensible living choices (I feel) - besides living in Sheaf house during final year and then in with Dave, I haven't really made many of those with the people I moved in with. First year doesn't count because there was no choice in those ladies I moved in with (and no regrets there at all :D)
Moving in with an actual adult, responsible couple. A bit adult and scary but fucking thrilling too.
The end of these past few months. By fuck, am I ready to put the first half of 2011 behind me - behind us. And yes, I realise there is 2 months of 2011's first half, but wow. Seriously, the last few months have been more than enough.

I know that I've been a fucking nut job the last few months. My moods have had more twists than a Curly Whirly. And there's been a lot of dark times, it's been the roughest prolonged period of my life. But ha ha ha, doesn't everyone know about it! If I was stronger person, I'd try and hold to that lyric from The Shipped (Gold) Standard - "you can only blame your problems on the world for so long before it all becomes the same old song."

Mama just called and we spent another hour on the phone talking about all and nothing, she is awesome and I love her. Apparently she's insisting my brother learn to drive and his response to this news was "At least I can't be any worse than Kathryn". !!! Cheeky little bastard!!

Right, I have to be up early in the morning for some town errands and the like so I totally need to crawl (further) into bed and sleeeeeeeep

Nightbook

Mar. 31st, 2011 02:20 pm
klena: (Default)
Days ticking down, making lists to keep myself busy. Champion list maker, hopefully I'll get these ones finished before the return.

Have a poem, as it's nearly National Poetry Month. [livejournal.com profile] musesfool posted this around the start of th month, and I've had it open in a tab ever since. Gorgeous.

The Only Place

The only place a woman can go to be alone
is the bathroom.
A woman would like to be wrapped in strong arms
when she cries, without having to explain,
or huddle on the couch wrapped in a blanket and a cat.
But all over America, women crouch instead
on a white, cold monument to wasting water.
We lean against a chilled tile wall,
stare at ourselves in an icy mirror,
flush the toilet to cover howls and curses,
brush our teeth twice to cover the taste of anger.
We lock the door, fill the tub with hot bubbles,
take a long time shaving our legs and armpits,
study the way waves break over bulging stomachs.
We scour the sink and rearrange the bottles under it,
refold towels, throw away old prescriptions,
count bandaids and bottles of suntan lotion.
We turn out the lights, stare into candle flames,
light incense, try to pretend we've taken our troubles
to a glowing temple, placed them in the lap
of a smiling golden Goddess.

Outside, men who wouldn't know what to do
if a woman curled up in bed and cried
can relax before bloodless images on TV
and think, "She's only in the bathroom
doing some woman's thing."
Behind a locked door, a woman
spins the empty toilet paper roll
like a Tibetan prayer wheel,
chanting "Help me, help me, help me."

~Linda Hasselstrom
klena: (Default)
I have a list. It is called
A Life Beyond University: Never Aware Of What Was Around You

It is to expand myself beyond university, to broaden my horizons with whatever means I can find. Therefore:
- Books
- Political theories
- Philosophical theories
- Alternative/religious theories
- Music
- Movies
- Manga
- Games

I'm looking for recommendations. Is there something you think everyone should have read or listened to or watched? Is there something that has shaped you so strongly that it's a part of yourself? Do you enjoy giving people recommendations? Then please, do so with me. I'd really appreciate it

klena: (storm in the form of a girl)
So most of my LJ update page is being taken up with my Twitter-updates. I realise that must be really annoying for people to read. Sorry :/ However, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to stick with it for at least a little bit longer. (the page being made of Tweets, rather than genuine LJ posts) And why so?

Because....

I have now entered the Final Stages of my degree. Literally, it (should) be all engines go now, as I have less than 4 weeks before my degree is over. I finish on the 18th of May. That's less than a month from now.

In the interim of this month, I have to
- make sure all the research is done for my two essays
- finish reading "iHenryIV" for class tomorrow
- read "Austerlitz" (and nobody tell me about it!!)
- read "King Lear"
- do a mini-presentation on "King Lear"
- read "Samson Agonistes" for Milton
- plus more "Paradise Lost" for Milton seminar (and my essay)
- ...and "Paradise Regained" for class (and my essay)
- attend 4 more lectures on Shakespeare
- meet with my tutors to discuss my essays
- write a 4000 word essay on "Paradise Lost" - God and Satan
- write a 4000 word essay on a topic of my chosing for "Stories of the Eye" (most likely sexual desire and male anxiety of the female I think? Fuck fuck fuck!!)
- tweak said essays and make sure they are not complete bollocks
- hand in essays
- reread all my Shakespeare plays and highlight quotes to write and learn
- learn quotes
- attend 3hr15mns exam on Shakespeare

And then promptly die.

PLUS!!!

This list is only my academic list. Obviously it is the most important list of all lists ever yet there are still other important things to fit it as well such as:
- Housemate Hannah's birthday on Saturday
- My 1-year-(non)-anniversary with Dave on Sunday (OH MY FUCKING GOD *____*)
- The East Asian Ball (with my housemates and friends \o\ - fancy dresses and shit!!)

So, in other words, I am sorta kinda fucked. So fucked I have broken my life down into a timetable



See?

I'll give you a moment just to appreciate my organisation and bask in awe of my awesome procastination skills.

Ultimately I'm announcing a mini-haitus I guess? Understandably I hope. Not that you'll even notice I'm gone! I am not much of an internet presence anymore (woe and betide ;_;). But any spare thoughts of good, positive karma, psychic energy, internet hugs and reassurance would be so fucking massively loved upon, if you could spare it?

I've worked 3 years to get here. I want to leave my degree with (hopefully) a 2:1. I want to make my family proud. I want to do myself proud.

So! I'll still be checking LJ (because I can't keep myself away, no matter what the deadline, as January proved orz) but if I'm on MSN or AIM or Twitter, be nice to me? I feel like I should be having a breakdown now so I'm sort of resigned and waiting. I am a paragon of positive thoughts.

♥ ♥ ♥ you all fucktons. Metric fucktons even. Wish me well! Think of me, message me, text me, email me. You just might save my sanity. I'll be thinking (sporadically!) of you.
klena: (knowledge does not fade or wear away)
Important List of University Study To Be Done At Nirish Base

- Rewrite Milton notes
- Rewrite Shakespeare notes (also downloading "Richard III" lecture I didn't listen in)
- Rewrite "Stories of the Eye" notes
- Reread "Othello"
- Reread "The Merchant of Venice"
- Reread "As You Like It"
- Reread "The Winter's Tale"
- Reread "Richard III"
- Reread "Titus Andronicus"
- Reread "The Birth of Tragedy" - Nietzsche
- Read more of "Paradise Lost"
- Read "Henry IV Part 1"
- Read "The Doctrine and Discipline of Divorce" - Milton
- Plan Milton essay: God is wrong and Satan is misguided because God is wrong
- Plan "Stories of the Eye" essay: ???? The problems and anxiety of the male gaze
- Critical reading: Milton and Satan
klena: (surely Heaven waits for you)
I feel like a bad person for it but I am dying to download "The Fame Monster". Oh Lady Gaga, why must you make such catchy tunes that earworm me and then be so amazingly dedicated to being so fucking wierd? Such a girlcrush on that lady.

I am in the wastelands of Nireland once more! I'm worried because this trip will be the longest I've been home since summer and then I was working two jobs so the summer went stupidly quick (as far as I can remember, I think I've blocked most the trauma out. \o/? )

Part of me also feels a little bad that I didn't find it as hard to say goodbye to Dave as I did at Christmas or during the summer. Is that wrong? Maybe it's a good sign? I don't know. Emotionally fail, right here.

Luckily my grand plans for being here do not consist of very much more than catching up on my reading from uni ('sup Shakespeare and Milton and Nietzsche) and writing up notes and maybe, just maybe, starting on my two 4000 word essays for Milton and Stories of the Eye.

Side note: Bataille's "Stories of the Eye" was strange and slightly disappointing and horrifying. It's stuck with me.

Part of me also wants to get my creative ass into gear and:
- finalise the Doldrums design
- write some more Lucasta
- get involved in new ZQL postings
- start work proper on Leeds Animesoc Zombie Manga
Whether this happens remains to be seen.

16 days at home. Today is day 2 and my little brother's birthday. He's 22. I'll be 24 in December. This amazes me in multiple different ways. Mama Denvir will be returning to Leeds with me on the 14th. And meeting Dave.

My Creative Vision W Zen player that came travelling with me still does not work but I swore I was going to be able to fix it because I had firmware software to repair it with. Except the computer doesn't even recognise it. Sadface is sad :(((((

I am now going to go and create a list of Things Wot To Ackomplish.
klena: (Default)
Today's list:
- Go to Milton seminar
- Talk about Areopagitica and Tenure of Kings without whining about the text and Milton's flagrant overuse of ; and , Full stops are your friend Milton.
- Go to Library
- Start Milton essay on Satan
- Go to Stories of the Eye seminar on James Joyce at 4
- Buy dinner from Sesame as encouragement to write
- Write Milton essay
- Come home about ?10 ?11 11.30, aw yeah
- (Watch "Shameless") (Too late :( )
- (Write ideas for Stories essay)
- Bed

Tomorrow
- Go to 9am Nietzsche lecture
- Go to library and start reading for Stories essay (sort of but not)
- Shakespeare lecture at 12
- Go to library for an hour and try to write
- Stories of the Eye movie showing, 2-5
- Buy dinner (or eat pre-made dinner?)
- Go to library
- Write like fuck
- Come home
- Tea myself up
- (Essay finish)
- Read over essays so they are not bollocks
- Bed

Thursday
- Get up before 10
- Write bibligraphies for essays (it is just the way I roll, there is no excuse for it)
- Print essays at uni
- Hand in essays
- Cry in relief a little bit
- Go to 1pm Stories class on movies viewed on Wednesday
- Go to Lounge and start reading Titus Andronicus
- Come out for animesoc//dinner at Leah's - she has a cat!!
- (?Go out late for animesoc?)
- Enjoy alcohol
- Have fun

Friday
- Shakespeare seminar at 11
- Come home and try not to fall asleep
- (Story boards for zombie!manga?)
- Try to make plans with Dave
- ?????
- Profit
klena: (inherently ridiculous)
hahahaha, I swore that line was "cause I keep fighting wolves at night". Apparently not.

I am trying to do my Shakespeare homework for Friday so Dave doesn't kill me when I have to do it on Thursday night/Friday morning. However, the homework is pretty much
1. Read "Othello" (i really should get on that)
2. Put together my own annotated bibliography on Shakespeare.

....turns out a lot of fucking people have written on Shakespeare. a lot of fucking people, writing a lot of fucking stuff. interesting sounding stuff.

damn you shakespeare!!

in other news, can we talk about the line "i'm like a virgin losing a child". how awesome is that line? how much does that say to you?
klena: (Default)
I remember Donielle did one of these AEON ago and I thought 'wow what a good idea' and I finally got around to it, harharhar. ^_^

A questionnaire of statement. I want you to guess which one’s are true and which are false, then paste in your own journal.

1. I am terrified by dancing Santa’s
2. I am scared of old people
3. I was an alter-girl
4. I don’t like going out drinking
5. I’m a virgin
6. I hate studying ‘Death of a Salesman’
7. I’m teased by my brother for being short
8. I’ve broken all 4 of my wrist bones
9. I have no set religious ideologies
10. I hate ‘slash’
11. I love dance music
12. I hate Johnny Depp movies
13. I regularly have very detailed, complex dreams
14. I love wearing make-up
15. Guys in make-up are Horrible.
16. Legolas is my favourite Lord of the Rings character
17. When I was young, I loved Rainbow Bright
18. I won an award at my formal for weirdest girl
19. Geeks seem to fancy me
20. I have a very minimalist-styled room
21. I don’t like gays and lesbians
22. When I’m happy and can’t think of any way to express my joy, I propose marriage
23. I think about everything that’s wrong with Catholicism at mass
24. I cried when the pope died
25. I hate people being affectionate
26. I have a favourite pair of jeans that my mum has to surgically remove from me
27. I smoke
28. I love Pepsi
29. I have been caught having invisible lightsaber fights by my form teacher
30. I play the harp
31. When I was twelve I listened to the Boyzone and read Goosebumps
32. I constantly wear low-cut tops ‘because I love my breasts.
33. My favourite pair of socks have barely any sole left on them.
34. I’m right handed
35. I am extremely dirty-minded
36. I fucking rawk
37. Forget bishi's - Girls in uniform are KOOL!
klena: (Default)
Are you ready for another one of these?

1: I love my top hat

2: People stopping you randomly in the street and commenting on the coolness
of your top hat rocks

3: Top hat's rock. (Have we gathered I now proudly own a top hat?)

4: Going to the cinema with June rocks

5: Making firework noises and random 'booms' when the cinema screen tells you
not to add your own sound effects is highly amusing

6: Working in the hairdressers sometimes gives me a headache

7: I’ve bought my formal dress and I likes it muchly! ^_^

8. I had my hair dyed – it is now blue at the temples, violet streaks from my
parting and the rest of my hair is mahogany-violet

9. I found a place in Northern Ireland that SELLS COPIC MARKERS!!!! *Hyperventilates
and dies*

10. I am in love with the Harry Potter books. *hugs Sirius and Remus*

11. I am in love with SiriusxRemus, hahahahaha.

12. I have become an undeniable dork

13. I am in love with Kingdom Hearts

14. My results are out in a week and two days – I am totally shit scared

15. I am going to make another T-shirt with ‘Teh Sex’ sown on it

16. Jessica + me + texts = ratings.

17. I am amazingly slow to get the point as demonstrated by via a current
conversation with Donal

18. I am very amused by me singing in the rain in Belfast and a guy shouting ‘go on
ye girl ye!’

*Salutes* You have been updated
klena: (Default)
Here is a list of what has been good and what's sucked over the past week or so.

Good Things
- Handing my final art book for this year
- Finishing my music exams!
- Getting my English exam on Emily Dickinson and "Streetcar" over and done with
- Being denounced as insane by my art teacher because of my enthusiasm for my dissertation
- Mrs. Herron's baby! (3 weeks to go!)
- Politics = OVAH!
- Actually getting to post for ZQL
- Letter from Zalan
- Neal asking if Zalan was hot
- "Shadows of Fire" and being asked "why is that guy swearing at Jesus?"
- Being complimented by random Shimna students because of my purple scarf around my head
- Introducing many students to anime
- Not having a mental breakdown yet
- Finally completing the fucking character design for Angel
- Drawing and inking a really cute picture of Kathryn and Angel asleep.
- Getting to wear a ball gown next Friday
- Fighting with the tout Danielle


Bad Things
- Coming close to mental breakdown
- People just being general arrogant wankers
- 1st music exam being really shit
- 1st music exam causing me to have a panic attack AFTER the exam
- Going to bed at 1 last night and waking up at 5am to finish art book
- Still King Lear exam to go
- Dwindling funds (bad because it's June's birthday next week O.o)
- Stress of exams
- The must fucked up dreams every night for the past week (which I may even post)
- Stress!!!!!
- Exams
- Teachers acting as if their subject is the only one I do
- Constant nausea


So this past week has been full of ups and downs. The downs have been pretty bad. The panic attack (which I have never had before) and the dreams were the worse I think....

Hahahaha but I'm off until next Tuesday so much joy at that. It means I get to waste MORE of my life in front of "Majora's Mask." ^_^ haha

*Wails* I'm gonna bed. I'm sleepy
klena: (Default)
What I need comments on is a speech I wrote for Angel. He's discovered that Kathryn and he are soulmates (and kudos to him for not running a mile) and he's trying to smash all her emotional barriers.
After about a week of trying to talk to her, she snaps and yells at him to leave her alone. She asks why is Dead Boy (as she calls him) so obsessed with her. This is his response
“The very angel’s in Heaven pale in the light of your beauty. Your beauty that transcends all language, all emotion and all explanation. You are the sun that warms my skin and the moon that blesses and caresses me in the ink of the night. You are the stars that twinkle for eternity with no prejudice or cares. You are the very air that I breathe, the water I drink to survive, the only person that keeps me alive. When I’m alone and the darkness threatens to swallow me, I see your face and suddenly that’s all it takes…I am all right. When I dream of your face, all of my pain vanishes and I don’t want to die anymore. I love you. I love you so much that I could die. I love you so much that I can’t bear the pain I am in without you. I ache and burn because I have never felt the purity of your touch. When I am with you…I feel human. I feel perfect because of the way you look at me.”

I need replies on this! Because I was going to use it later but it seems a bit much for him to be saying to a girl who would rather kill him than admit she loved him. Is it? Help me peoples! Esp. Donielle and Ruu. After all, they are the Goddesses of Angst Bishi Boi's, yes you two!

Things to do:
*Go to Belfast to buy material for my tunic and dress
*Email Laura before she explodes
*Nudge Zalan into talking to me some more
*Re-write all of the Kathryn story
*Add more to my fanfiction.net library.
*Buy material to make Jenni's Tigger stuffed thing
*Write more yaoi
*Make Angel a real character instead of this figure that Kathryn blames for leaving her but loves desperately

That's all me thinks! Nighty woderful people!

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