klena: (used to be the right one)
I went to bed early tonight. The first time in maybe 3 weeks I have been in bed before 2am, (10.30pm actually) only to be woken up at 1am by take-away arriving for my housemate because they rang my doorbell. It is now 3:54 and I still can't get back to sleep. I am furious, and angry, and now everything else about our other two housemates that really fucks me off is buzzing around my head. I'm really resentful, and pissed off and it's probably the lack of sleep and the stress of the last week building.

I just feel like a bitch, all prickly edges and short temper. It's probably because something huge is due to happen on Wednesday but it's not a certain thing yet. And til yesterday I was okay, just going to let things happen because that's the way the world works. But now I feel all crazy and nervous and I want it really badly.

So I'm sitting in bed now, head spinning with the thought of it and dying to smoke. I don't smoke normally, only in the times of real stress, but now feels like one of those times.

I also really want to rehaul icons again, except I lost fucktons of the ones I really liked in the Grand Robbery of 2010. An Inception one is definitely needed though.

National poetry month has begun. Have a gorgeous one by Richard Siken, I love his stuff so much, especially since [livejournal.com profile] musesfool posted some of his stuff about 2 years back. First stanza before the rest being placed under a cut.

A Primer for the Small Weird Loves

The blond boy in the red trunks is holding your head underwater
because he is trying to kill you,
and you deserve it, you do, and you know this,
and you are ready to die in this swimming pool
because you wanted to touch his hands and lips and this means
your life is over anyway.
You're in the eighth grade. You know these things.
You know how to ride a dirt bike, and you know how to do
long division,
and you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless
he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you
didn't do,
because you are weak and hollow and it doesn't matter anymore.

continued below the cut )

I really want "Inception" fic based on this poem. My heart
klena: (but when the sun shines again)
Zombie apocalypse. Set in some amalgamation between Leeds, Manchester and a biggish American city. Evening.

I was with the guys from "Shaun of the Dead", but who were actually the characters rather than the actors. We were running through the streets and places were empty. Liz and I were near the back of the ones running. As we ran past through streets, slowly more zombies appeared and we ended up running past this mini-supermarket with full open windows. Diane was there, working the till, with hordes of people (still people? I don't remember) in queues. I stopped and knocked the window so she would see me. Shaun (or maybe David) whisper-shouted that it was going to catch their attention but I couldn't stop. I knocked again (4 times) and I felt the change in the zombies pacing up the roads. They were noticing me. But then, so did Diane. And I knew looking at her that she was probably going to die there. We looked at each other. The men continued to run. Liz had slowed down up at the corner for me. She held her hand up to the glass and so did I and she gave me a small smile. Enough to say "I know" and "It's okay" and "Maybe in the next life". I think I was crying as Liz dragged me away as the zombies got closer.

We ran up, but started catching up to the boys. Liz and I ran into a corner alcohol shop (for cover? something to keep us going) and it was empty. She grabbed some squash plus a can of Red Bull and Rum mixed together. We downed it and then I went a little further into the shop to grab a bottle of Coke and a second bottle that was practically all drunk. The owner burst through a door behind one of the beer fridges just as Liz was running out. I had a moment of flailing as he shouted at me for being a thief and then I tore out. Ahead, I could see Liz running up the hill we were on and then turning down a road on the right, that lead to the highway. And I was suddenly so aware of the masses of zombies that were everywhere, behind corners and down streets I hadn't considered, as I ran, finishing the flat coke. I took the first road to my right, the one before Liz's turning and ran up a steep up-ramp onto the highway. I kept moving up and caught a glance of her hair as she disappeared up a side turn, so I followed. I never made it to the main highway. There were too many cars littered there and too much chance of people lying against their cars, turning.

I followed Liz's path and found her, the guys and two older people all in a dip in the highway. As if there had just been a massive slab of concrete that had never been placed there. Shaun told me to pay attention to what was under the grass in this ditch. It looked like a rusted Terminator skeleton, it's metalwork frame peeking above the grass. Two more guys appeared over the outcrop, I went to swing my bottle of coke at them, only to be informed they were human. They were carrying carrots and potatoes and maybe beets? We sat and had a dinner of vegetables, although apparently we also had rabbit that no one had cooked. I lectured Ed, who wanted to carry it with us for eating later. I said it would rot and also smell enough to attract Them. Someone only had a gun with one bullet in it. (the older couple were Shaun's mum-not-his-mum-in-his-verse. Maybe she was Prime Minister Harriet Jones? The man was a prominant English actor who's name I cannot remember)

Night passed there, I think. We moved on, separating from our new companions. We walked along our road, out of the city. We had no clue where we were heading. (people were changing at this point - Matt Smith, the new Doctor Who was now with us as where some others). We ended up in this youth hostel, off a side road, coming into the forest. But inside wasn't like a youth hostel. It was like a facility. Things get hazy but we all get separated and then the zombies attack. I remember running through darkened corridors, wanting to cry out for my friends, but knowing the stupidity of it. I think I had a bat. I clearly remember zombies appearing out of nowhere, chasing me. I turned left up a corridor, running and running and breathing and ran through doors until getting to a glass patio section which also had an extended back porch. I ran through the doors, flinging the doors closed in the glass area and was closing the back door (that was pressure locked or something) to see Matt, whom I had caught a glimpse of as I ran past. I stood, stunned against the glass door, pressed against it. Matt saw me, smiled and waved with his right hand. He had the gun in his hand, fitted it against his chin and fired. His body slumped stupidly to the ground. Maybe I screamed or just gasped and started sobbing. There were people outside in the actual patio, one of who pulled me away. A few zombies paced inside, near Matt's body. One of the men to my left had a blue, infected looking arm. So did a few other people. The man who pulled me away told me he had done what he did for the best, some other bullshit until he remarked that Matt did it because he'd been bitten.

Something else happened. Some bartering system for my friends maybe? They asked for hands. The man with the blue hand pulled his off and threw it inside. I'm not sure what happened next, but I was leaving with Liz. We got separated from the others. We left the hostel.

My phone rang, as we were along the roads, heading back into Leeds/pool/state. I answered, because my phone said Blash. Liz hit me, told me i was stupid and going to get eaten, they were going to hear us. Ash was asking where I was, who I was with, he told me he was with Mof and that she said hi and they were heading somewhere. Hazy from here.

There was more stalking through the streets. Maybe we were meeting the boys somewhere. Maybe we were meeting Ash. Maybe there was just the two of us left. We left Leeds again, once again hitting one of the highways out.

The highway lead us to an estate first, one like where Charlie lives. There were about 50 people there, including Sheaf. I ran to them, flinging myself at them and hugging them. They all wore cream coloured clothing, as did everyone around us. I didn't care. I was just so glad to see them alive. I think Marcus was pushed to speak to everyone, to gather a plan. We 'ssshhhed' everyone and then Marcus spoke, too loud on the dangerous streets, and I 'ssshhed' him too. We all giggled but he spoke. What he spoke about was gone. Maybe the turmoils we'd suffered to be alive at this point. People we had lost. People we had to lose. Where we went from here. How important it was to just keep moving. Processing could be done at the end.

Another house. A house that turned out to be a mansion on the hill leading out of Leeds with two people, in African clothing, standing guard at the gate. We came out of the house with two men (who were Arthur and Merlin. I know.) A boy-man stood at the bottom of the stairs. I went to twat him with my bat. Arthur stopped me and flung his arms around him. His cousin. They were dressed in shining silver armour. We left the palace, and the guards. They stood stoic, told us they were fend off any zombies that came our way to buy us time. We moved on.

Maybe we headed back to Leeds. Maybe we saw all the abandoned cars and realised that was the best thing we could do, the best way to travel.

Liz (who was maybe no longer Liz) and I were in a car, back in Leeds. The car pointing out of the city. My phone rings again. I don't remember this call. We drive, and find a fuckton of people driving out of Leeds on some clear road. Ahead of our car is my friend Lucy, sitting in the back of a pickup truck that has an upright piano tied into it. She begins to play, it is "Bridge Over Troubled Water". People all seem to have open-top cars. We lean out, breath in and sing.
klena: (sunlight surrouds you)
Dreaming for what feels like the first time in weeks

Back in LA (or maybe it was just California) with Dave but a Dave who knew the area and chattered about the two steps the station was from the beach. Walking along the sand and feeling the sun on my face.

Staying with [livejournal.com profile] whitehaiku and [livejournal.com profile] mikantea again. Different place, dark wood table-tops. Questions about my money this time around to which I assured him I had because I was visiting, not travelling. Making soup which wasn't entirely a success but which was fun. Ended up looking like a combination of miso and mushroom. Wiping the surfaces and assuring him I wanted to - part of working in service industries for so long and telling him the story of my housemate Gavin who does massive cleanings of our house when he's hungover (because it's true) and making tea and waiting for [livejournal.com profile] mikantea to come home.

In a fancy car. Feels like my mum is driving. It's night and we're driving near cliff edges or around mountains. I am dozing a lot, and we barely talk but it's not because we're fighting. All feels slightly disjointed and unreal, like a Murakami book.

Pregnant, curled up on a bed with Dave who holds a Polaroid camera. We've been taking tons of pictures that litter the bed around us. Our foreheads are almost touching and I have my arms cradled around my large stomach. I tell him that I'm done with this pregnancy and I don't want the child anymore. He looks heartbroken and I take a picture of him. Write on the photo something about Dave loving his child. Tell him I lied, I want our child. He takes a photo of me smiling down at myself. The scratch of black pen on the picture

A house like one I used to know. Moving into maybe. Someone is looking for me who has the same name as my old principal. I am in a bathroom with two showers, working on washing my masses of hair. Hayden and a girl are there (maybe Hannah) as I shower. The garden outside is flooded (the house is flooding) and they tell me so, tell me how they saw a man with a broom push a microwave on top of the water. I flip my hair before my face and rub shampoo into the tangled ends. Catch a glimpse of myself, big eyes, masses of tangled sea-salted hair and I feel for a moment like a Selkie or a mermaid.

Bits and pieces that I didn't remember. Strange dreams to have when I'm not even talking to Dave at the moment.
klena: (open the blinds to let the light in)
It's awful - I should feel bad about skipping uni today but I woke up and just...couldn't think of facing uni today. That's pretty bad right? I was tired from work yesterday and I'm still not fully recovered from the bug I had last week but I've just spent today in my room. I feel guilt but...well, not as guilty as i probably should.

I started this entry earlier and my laptop shut down due to overheating. fail.

i had a dream last night and it's all slipping away from me now but it was set in this world that was a sort of combination of "watchmen", "fables" and "lucifer" and somebody's partner died - an angel, but they were really tortured before that.

i woke up and it felt like there were stones in my ribcage and a mesh of net around my throat. it was horrible and i can't shake that feeling off.

probably a good thing i can't remember it then.

what do you do when you feel at a loss? want to sit but feel so rough that i don't want to actually work on anything.

I have essays. Essays I need to do. So why aren't I doing them? fail kat is fail.

someone help me out with bandom; what is all this that is going on with Ryan and Keltie? I am very confused. Actually, someone update me with bandom in general. I am so far behind.

Have to leave for work. Can't shake the dream away. Strange
klena: (just for the attention)
Dark!Art October starts again tomorrow, my beautiful friends! There are still a bunch of spaces left for prompts so feel free to prompt multiple times! I'll update with a claimed dates list tonight after my fencing give-it-a-go sess.

Slowly but surely I am slouching towards Bethlehem - and by Bethlehem I mean the freedom from administrative stress from university and the having of a student loan. Yay!

I am slowly by surely trying to work on getting myself and [livejournal.com profile] blindeadmcjones to see Fall Out Boy. Birmingham or Glasgow, my love??? We can also try London if you want?

I CAN HAS COBRA STARSHIP TICKETS????!!! Even though some bitch at a Certain Music Shop in Leeds told me they were all sold out. FAIL. Roll on January~!

Classes aren't so bad except that my timetable is sort of fucked at the minute. And also I have a seminar in 2 and a half hours and I haven't done my reading yet. Why haven't I?? I mean, it's fucking Narratives of Witchcraft and Magic - it's awesome!

I am going to catch myself up on comments and my community (pssst join [livejournal.com profile] super_bandom - we are superheroes of bandom and joy!!) tonight. Before starting on Dark!Art. \o/


I napped after I arrived home from uni yesterday (and missed out on the first Circus Soc meeting /o\) but I had really strange dreams.

it ain't easier waking up at dawn to find i lost my crown )
klena: (thoughtful)
so, many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] baiacu for waking me up from a seriously strange dream. why do i always have to dream in amazing movie format and remember it all?

should i choose a noble occupation? )

klena: (first step to knowledge)
I am desperately in love with this song an awful lot right now. I'm guessing it's because it reminds me of wandering and being in awe of the world changing around you and people mistaking your awe for being lost (which awe and the sudden rush of emotion in your chest can be like - being lost and not having a solid grip on yourself but at that moment that's okay, you're happy with that) and the world changes. The world changes and maybe you are a little lost sometimes but that doesn't matter because you can always find your way back and your hometown is always there.

Two of my days off have fallen in a row which is awesome and wonderful and I've been awake for 3 hours now (thanks to the howling wind and the pouring rain and my head being cleaved in two and Matt texting me because Gerard wanted to know if I wanted a wee shift today) and i feel all dizzy and blurrysmudged at the edges because we had no ordinary painkillers and i took some of mum's which are, like, horse tranquilisers or something. Strange!

I got a letter from Jules today. Jules, for those not in the know, is one of My Girls who was studying abroad for the year in Guelph in Canada and got home on Thursday. June and I surprised her after we finished our respective shifts on Saturday and sat in her house from 6pm until midnight. MIDNIGHT. just gossiping.

Lying between two of your favourite people and feeling good in your own skin - unafraid to give voice to the things lingering beneath your skin-mask and laughing like you've never done anything else. It's like perfection.

We're all trying to meet up for dinner tonight. Which is what I am going to organise after I post this.

I am also seriously considering writing The Highwayman!bandom fic for [livejournal.com profile] sekkritbandomlj because it sounds AWESOME even if The Highwayman ends sadly.

I am bringing this up again because I am going to be moving into a house in a few months and I am already considering the decorating. My Photo Wall. For those who didn't know, I used to have a massive photo wall in my bedroom here in N.I before I went to uni and I also created on when I went to uni. (and i actually went and looked up the photos for you)

plastering your heart and your life to the concrete wall for the world to see )

except obviously i am going to want to redo the wall for my new house in Leeds. I want you in my new house (and it is a house - can't be a home yet, not there, haven't chosen it and we haven't put our hearts there yet) on my walls. So....who's interested in sending me photos? Or even your own photography ([livejournal.com profile] littleredfox and [livejournal.com profile] sarshin i am particularly looking at you here). I would love it if you would reply here? Please?

So my voice post seems to have gone down well! And I was thinking that I get 20 free voice posts a month which i don't want to really waste. SO! If people are interested, I will ring in LJ posts and talk. Suggest a topic you want to hear my thoughts on - want me to read one of your fics/one of my own - want me to sing? (you'll be lucky). Ask away! I am happy to whore myself out for you lot ♥

Right. I am sitting here looking like a scruffy gangster because my hair dried strangely overnight. Luv curly hair. So i am going to get dressed and start being productive....possibly.

Suggestions people~!

And now. Strange dream

aching as you wake and realise that you've slept your life away in the most perfect dream you could have but now it's over and you are awake and bereft )
klena: (Default)
"Sex And The City" just ended. Awww...

I taped it Ashley! You probably won't read this as you're in Cambodia! What a waste of typing energy!

Dammnit, what won't my scanner work *Whines* I have to scan artwork onto my Deviantart account so I can show them to Adele *whine even more*

Ok. Finished the whine.

I love you Kel-chan my babes!

Hahaha. I am highly amused that now Kathryn, Angel and the CIH are my current ZQL players all I have in my head is Leah, Karachi and Neasa angst. It was exactly the other way around during 'Where in the worlds?' hahahahahaha. ^_^

Now....my recent screwed up dreams...

Read more... )
klena: (Default)
Donielle, I have my questions and you answered most of them! *Grins*

So here goes the reason why my bed clothes are covered in ink. I dreamt that I was sitting before something similar to a computer screen and watching as multiple messages in a text like both Russian and Arabic shot across the screen from right to left. And I got so frustrated because I understood the gist of these questions but couldn't keep up with the speed with which they crossed the screen.
These questions were for different people and some I clearly understood like one was "Laura, how does your rage feel?" (because of Laura's anger management problems) and "How did you cope with her loss Jenni?"
I thought that was bad enough but I woke up and found a pen in my hand with Arabic-Russian-esque scribbles on my duvet cover. O.o That scared the shit outta me.

I remembered the questions!! Haha! The guy must've told 'em to me or something. There's a whole bunch of question; one set of general questions and one for each person on my Friends list. Leave out whichever you don't feel like answering.

Here I go!

General questions:
-What do you prefer, rain or the rainbow?
-Which of these do you write most - epics, romance, angst/tragedy, horror or drama?
-If you had to recommend books people =had= to read, what would they be?
-Whose's your favourite artist? (musically and artisically)
-Too warm or too cold?
-What's more important, the melody or the lyrics?
-What _Really_ angers you?
-What makes you really happy?
-Sunsets or moonlit nights?
-Sun or moon?
-How do you feel when you listen to music?
-Do you care about public opinion of yourself?
-What's more important, the gift of the sentiment behind it?
-Skill without success or success without skill?
-Do you ever go outside in the pouring rain and splash in puddles like you are still a child?
-What do you believe in?
-If you could only play one instrument, what would it be?
-Favourite animal?
-Cosmopolitan life or country life?
-Do you dream a lot? Are the dreams mostly good or bad?
-Being alone or being with people?
-What song do you feel sums you up?

Ruu's questions
-What do you feel when you sing and play?
-When do you draw most?
-What does most of your art consist of?
-What do you draw with?
-Favourite thing to do?
-Where is your sanctuary?
-Night or day?
-Born creative or worked at it?
-What makes you feel safe?

Donielle's questions
-How does it feel when you sing?
-When do you sing?
-What do you like singing best?
-How does it feel when you draw?
-What's your favourite thing to do?
-Night or day?
-Where is your sanctuary?
-What makes you feel safe?
-Born creative or worked at it?
-What does your art consist of?

Kelly's questions
-Born creative or worked for it?
-Where is your sanctuary?
-Favourite thing to do?
-How do you feel when you sing?
-When do you sing the most?
-What do you like to sing to cheer you up?
-What do you sing to calm you down?
-What does most of your writing consist of?
-What makes you feel safe?

Steph's questions
-How do you feel when you play the violin and the piano?
-What do you like to play to cheer you up?
-what do you play to calm you down?
-What does most of your art consist of?
-How do you feel when you draw?
-Where is you sanctuary?
-What makes you feel safe?
-Born creative or worked at it?
-What is your favourite thing to do?

Donal's questions
-How does it feel when you write?
-Where is your sanctuary?
-What makes you feel safe?
-What does your work consist of?
-What's your favourite thing to do?
-What do you like to sing?

And now! Amusing quotes from Politics class!

Kimberly: Uggh I hate men with hairy arses
Maria-Elena: They're men! They evolved from apes; their arses are _meant_ to be fucking hairy!
Jessica (shouting): Mr. Mc.Clean do you have a hairy arse?!

Maria-Elena: What's the difference between 'guise' and 'disguise?'
Jessica *grinning*: I dunno, they both taste the same
(Please tell me I wasn't the only one to get that?)

Me: Blair's just a puppy-dog, following Bush around.
Maria-Elena: Yeah, he just wants to be a bush-licker....oh my god, did I just say that?!
klena: (Default)
I'm so hyper it's really not true. I was scouring my fridge for food when dad (who was sitting against the radiator) said
"You never stop do you?"

"Huh? Who, me?" I then ate Worthers Originals. "I'm hungry. And they were just there, on the top of the fridge!"

"That's the worst reason ever. That's like you climbing a mountain 'just because it's there.'"

"*I'd* never climb a mountain. That's crazy talk. It's exercise. But you might climb a mountain because you're really, really bored. Or because you're doing a bet for lots of money. Or because you think you're Santa."

"...You try to raise 'em right and then I see you and think "Where, oh where did I go wrong?!" "

I blinked.

"Cheeky bastard. Would you prefer it if I was some dark, angsty, depressive 17-year-old who never talked to you?"

Which began our conversation about me. He said that I was a pretty dull teenage to which I told him I wasn't. He said 'but you don't go out and get blocked like every other person your age.' And I agreed.
Then I told him in a year and a half I'd be in uni and he pointed out that every other time I'd mentioned it I'd always said that I WOULD be in university.

After this deep talk I ran into my mum with a pair of blue sequined, silver tinsle antleers on and said really seriously
"Be honest now...Does this outfit make me look like a reindeer?" Father laughed and mother just sighed. As she always does. ^_^

And now! I dreamt again!

Within the cut )
klena: (Default)
I have not made any resolutions except to get to know you, my dear 'net pals better. And that had more to do with the fucked up dream I had last night that caused me to sleep for twelve hours until 2:45pm.

So I wish all of you a good year.

I want Steph to stop having wierd dreams that she's pregnant

I want Donielle to be happy.

I want Ruu to be happy (and to write Shadows of Fire but that's my selfish side.)

I want Kelly to get her ass over here so she can meet my mates

I want Donal to do well in his studies

I want Sonia to get in contact with me *waps her over the head*

I want Zal to be good again and visit me and to email me.

That's what I want.

Here's the dream.

Read more... )


klena: (Default)

April 2017

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