klena: (Default)
My life, the past week or so, and the reason for radio silence.

this happened )

In other news, why haven't my tweets been shipped over? Bizarre
klena: (storm in the form of a girl)
Cut because it probably only interests me

if ever I did a good deed, i do repent it now - Titus Andronicus )

I feel the comment about my essay offering "no great surprises or original insights" is a little harsh because it is Shakespeare and people have been writing commentary on him for nigh on 400 years, but whatever the markers say! I'm not disputing my mark.
klena: (but when the sun shines again)
Finally got all my results for my degree.

60 - Modern Literature
63 - Stories of the Eye
64 - John Milton
65 - Shakespeare
68 - Literature of the 1890s
70 - Narratives of Japanese modernity.

I scored nothing less than a 2:1 in any of my modules this year. It's such a change from last year when half my marks were 2:1s and the rest were lower.

I've got all my degree marks. I won't sit another undergraduate exam again. And this year, I was shit hot at my degree. I cried, I raged, I spent nights in the library reading but I did it. I got the degree classification I wanted.

I never would have done it without Dave, or my family, or my friends keeping me sane or letting me go insane for little bursts.

I managed it. I did it. I got a degree in English from the one of the top English departments in the country. And I am fucking proud of it.
klena: (used to be the right one)
I have my Shakespeare exam on Tuesday and I am currently failing at studying.

I don't know how to study for this exam. The last Shakespeare exam I studied for was my A-Level "King Lear" exam and that was easy because we're studied one play for a semester, so the play was solid in my head, all I needed to learn was quotes.

I don't know about this exam. We have 3hrs 15 minutes to write 3 essay answers. 1 is an extract question and the other 2 are wider essays questions. Including the extract question, I have to write on 4 plays.

I feel like I don't know what to write about. The plays I've chosen to revise (because studying all 8 was never going to happen), I'm uncertain about. What if I get questions where I can't link two of the plays together? What if all the little bits and pieces I know about Shakespeare and the other plays I won't be revising won't be enough to save me?

I'm stressed, but not in a good way. I am procastinating, spending my time on the internet, not doing anything productive. I feel sad and disconnected from everything. I feel like I don't have anyone right now. I feel like the people I call my friends, that I am a bother to them. Dave is away to see his family this weekend and there's some serious stuff going on there. I don't want to be the pathetic girl who needs her head patted and loved and reassured. But I am, at least at the minute.

I'm supposed to be going out tonight with all my house and our friends because it is Leah and Becky's joint-birthday celebration, but I can't muster the energy for it. I haven't even been able to drag myself to the shower and I've been awake for 4 hours.

I feel out of the world. And I don't know what to do.

I need to shower and revise and put on clean clothes. Let's see if I can manage that
klena: (storm in the form of a girl)
So most of my LJ update page is being taken up with my Twitter-updates. I realise that must be really annoying for people to read. Sorry :/ However, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to stick with it for at least a little bit longer. (the page being made of Tweets, rather than genuine LJ posts) And why so?

Because....

I have now entered the Final Stages of my degree. Literally, it (should) be all engines go now, as I have less than 4 weeks before my degree is over. I finish on the 18th of May. That's less than a month from now.

In the interim of this month, I have to
- make sure all the research is done for my two essays
- finish reading "iHenryIV" for class tomorrow
- read "Austerlitz" (and nobody tell me about it!!)
- read "King Lear"
- do a mini-presentation on "King Lear"
- read "Samson Agonistes" for Milton
- plus more "Paradise Lost" for Milton seminar (and my essay)
- ...and "Paradise Regained" for class (and my essay)
- attend 4 more lectures on Shakespeare
- meet with my tutors to discuss my essays
- write a 4000 word essay on "Paradise Lost" - God and Satan
- write a 4000 word essay on a topic of my chosing for "Stories of the Eye" (most likely sexual desire and male anxiety of the female I think? Fuck fuck fuck!!)
- tweak said essays and make sure they are not complete bollocks
- hand in essays
- reread all my Shakespeare plays and highlight quotes to write and learn
- learn quotes
- attend 3hr15mns exam on Shakespeare

And then promptly die.

PLUS!!!

This list is only my academic list. Obviously it is the most important list of all lists ever yet there are still other important things to fit it as well such as:
- Housemate Hannah's birthday on Saturday
- My 1-year-(non)-anniversary with Dave on Sunday (OH MY FUCKING GOD *____*)
- The East Asian Ball (with my housemates and friends \o\ - fancy dresses and shit!!)

So, in other words, I am sorta kinda fucked. So fucked I have broken my life down into a timetable



See?

I'll give you a moment just to appreciate my organisation and bask in awe of my awesome procastination skills.

Ultimately I'm announcing a mini-haitus I guess? Understandably I hope. Not that you'll even notice I'm gone! I am not much of an internet presence anymore (woe and betide ;_;). But any spare thoughts of good, positive karma, psychic energy, internet hugs and reassurance would be so fucking massively loved upon, if you could spare it?

I've worked 3 years to get here. I want to leave my degree with (hopefully) a 2:1. I want to make my family proud. I want to do myself proud.

So! I'll still be checking LJ (because I can't keep myself away, no matter what the deadline, as January proved orz) but if I'm on MSN or AIM or Twitter, be nice to me? I feel like I should be having a breakdown now so I'm sort of resigned and waiting. I am a paragon of positive thoughts.

♥ ♥ ♥ you all fucktons. Metric fucktons even. Wish me well! Think of me, message me, text me, email me. You just might save my sanity. I'll be thinking (sporadically!) of you.
klena: (knowledge does not fade or wear away)
Important List of University Study To Be Done At Nirish Base

- Rewrite Milton notes
- Rewrite Shakespeare notes (also downloading "Richard III" lecture I didn't listen in)
- Rewrite "Stories of the Eye" notes
- Reread "Othello"
- Reread "The Merchant of Venice"
- Reread "As You Like It"
- Reread "The Winter's Tale"
- Reread "Richard III"
- Reread "Titus Andronicus"
- Reread "The Birth of Tragedy" - Nietzsche
- Read more of "Paradise Lost"
- Read "Henry IV Part 1"
- Read "The Doctrine and Discipline of Divorce" - Milton
- Plan Milton essay: God is wrong and Satan is misguided because God is wrong
- Plan "Stories of the Eye" essay: ???? The problems and anxiety of the male gaze
- Critical reading: Milton and Satan
klena: (surely Heaven waits for you)
I feel like a bad person for it but I am dying to download "The Fame Monster". Oh Lady Gaga, why must you make such catchy tunes that earworm me and then be so amazingly dedicated to being so fucking wierd? Such a girlcrush on that lady.

I am in the wastelands of Nireland once more! I'm worried because this trip will be the longest I've been home since summer and then I was working two jobs so the summer went stupidly quick (as far as I can remember, I think I've blocked most the trauma out. \o/? )

Part of me also feels a little bad that I didn't find it as hard to say goodbye to Dave as I did at Christmas or during the summer. Is that wrong? Maybe it's a good sign? I don't know. Emotionally fail, right here.

Luckily my grand plans for being here do not consist of very much more than catching up on my reading from uni ('sup Shakespeare and Milton and Nietzsche) and writing up notes and maybe, just maybe, starting on my two 4000 word essays for Milton and Stories of the Eye.

Side note: Bataille's "Stories of the Eye" was strange and slightly disappointing and horrifying. It's stuck with me.

Part of me also wants to get my creative ass into gear and:
- finalise the Doldrums design
- write some more Lucasta
- get involved in new ZQL postings
- start work proper on Leeds Animesoc Zombie Manga
Whether this happens remains to be seen.

16 days at home. Today is day 2 and my little brother's birthday. He's 22. I'll be 24 in December. This amazes me in multiple different ways. Mama Denvir will be returning to Leeds with me on the 14th. And meeting Dave.

My Creative Vision W Zen player that came travelling with me still does not work but I swore I was going to be able to fix it because I had firmware software to repair it with. Except the computer doesn't even recognise it. Sadface is sad :(((((

I am now going to go and create a list of Things Wot To Ackomplish.
klena: (knowledge does not fade or wear away)
Gagh, body, why you gotta be hating on me? You have been very lovely to me today and I highly appreciate that (including the constant energy, although maybe that's just what sunlight does to me - HI SUN, SHINE ON MEEEEEEEE~~~~). HOWEVER! Yesterday was NOT ON, fever and killer cramps and migraine and feeling pitiful. And Dave saw me being all PMS-y and feeling horrible! Do not like. Although he was really good about it :) Well, after the mockery ♥

I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO THIS WEEK, FUCK.

I emailed my tutor to say I wouldn't be in today's Milton seminar because I was crap and passed out at Dave's last night when I meant to go home and do my homework and I didn't want to turn up to his class without having done my work and avoid talking all class because that is just shit of me. Although I didn't say that in the email. I told him I'd been ill yesterday (which was true, fucking migraine and fever. I could not stop fluctuating between being too hot or too cool) and wasn't feeling great today either (which was a white lie...okay it was a lie DON'T JUDGE ME, IT WAS FOR GOOD REASONS!). So I'm going to tomorrow's class instead which destroys my day off, but I also have a rescheduled "Stories of the Eye" class as well.

All this would be fine if I didn't have two 1700 words essays for Thursday. 3200 words! Bastards. It's my own fault for leaving it so late but it's really hard starting work early! I need pressure! Although, generally when pressure starts, my body decides it is the perfect time for sleeps. Oh what's that? Book to read for tomorrow and present to the class? I'll just get myself settled anzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Which is exactly what my body is trying to do to me now. Bad show, old boy.

I wish I didn't get so wound up about the work either. I mean, these are unassessed essays! As long as I hand them in, none of the marks go towards my final grade, but handing them in is the most important part because otherwise they don't let you pass the module without anything higher than a 40 mark (basic Pass). I cannot let such things happen.

So. Two essays. One will be on Satan and the other will be on....something. "Stories of the Eye" is really worrying me because a) I haven't done that much research yet and b) it is more theoretical and exploring visual representation in literature. And that is HARD, okay, the classes are really intense and intellectual and AWESOME but HARD. So. Mild panic.

Normally I would just leave all the work until the night before but I cannot write two essays in one night, I am NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO DO THAT (do you hear me brain?). Because I will have a mental breakdown and probably hyperventilate and cry or some shit. BAD TIMES (do you hear me brain?)

Also, we have to read "Titus Andronicus" for Friday's Shakespeare class. Which I am okay about (sort of, I may have nightmares about all the violence and rape and mutilation) but it's at the end of the week and I will probably be dying. (Because I also plan on celebrating essay hand-ins by ACTUALLY GOING TO ANIMESOC ON THURSDAY. Shocking, I know) Not because I'm hungover, but because I'm tired. I got Dave to download the Julie Taymore movie from 1999. A clip of it was shown today in our lecture. It looks like an awesome adaptation. But, y'know, ultimately horrifying. Damn you Shakespeare!

So it is a long week! And because I am currently suffering the trials of womanhood (and isn't that nicer than saying 'on the rag'), I'm extra sensitive and moany and bollocks. However, getting through this week will lead into a) time with Dave b)the last week of term before Easter c) St. Patrick's Day and d) The Skin Two Fetish Ball or Wendyhouse. This week is the war before the peace.

I can get through this. Then I have a month to relax and catch up on work and legitimately veg out.

Dave has also been expanding on my miserable movie education, bless his heart. For those not in the know, my movie experiences are woeful. All those amazing movies that everyone cries out that you need to see? I've seen 20 minutes of. Or the last half. Or bits and pieces of, as I flicked through channels. In the last 5 days or so, I have watched "The Hurt Locker", "Pulp Fiction", "Lucky Number Slevin", "Eurotrip", "The Crazies" and maybe something else....Maybe it was more "Viva La Bam", we have been ploughing through that. But in conclusion, I need to watch more movies. Or actually watch all of them.

My plan now is to get into some hella comfy sweats, grab my Milton homework, switch Titus on and go to sleep early. Gotta work! Gotta feel the burn!
klena: (knowledge does not fade or wear away)
Results from my exams in January have all come through.
Narratives of Japanese Modernity: 70
Literature of the 1890s: 68
Modern Literature: 60
An small explanation of the UK university system. 90 is the highest mark you can get, which is marked as an Exceptional First, 40 is the minimum Pass mark and the grade boundaries therefore stretch as such:
Exceptional First
First
2:1 (High, Marginal, Borderline)
2:2 (High, Marginal, Borderline)
Third (High, Marginal)
Bare Pass
Marginal Fail
Fail.

With all the faffery of last year, I finished the year with 3 2:1 grades, 2 2:2 grades and a High Third. One of the 2:2's was a module I was trying to write essays during a black patch of depression and the Third was the Shieldmaidens module which I never really wanted to do, but had to and try and pass with only a few weeks to catch up on a semester's worth of bunking.

So for me to complete my first semester of Final Year with 2 2:1's and a First is amazing to me.

Granted, my studying this far this semester has slipped because of February Blues and etc etc but it makes me think I might be able to achieve a 2:1 degree. Which would be amazing.

Currently, I am very sleepy as I spent the past 2 nights at Dave's. Wednesday I came down after a Nando's dinner and seeing "The Princess and the Frog" with Leah and Hannah and we fucking loved it. Disney, oh Disney. So Wednesday night was okay but Thursday I had an essay due in for today at 11am so that had to be written. Yesterday was spent before my laptop, in Dave's bed, attempting to construct something that had a semblance of order to it. Although, considering I was aiming at writing about 1200 words, managing to hit the 1700 word target pleased me greatly. But because of the secondary reading I had to do before I could write the essay, I didn't write a word until 6-7pm. I was finished at 2:30am but Dave and I lay in bed watching Nip/Tuck and stuff so it was definitely after 4:30 when I went to sleep. Then I had to get up at 10am to buy "As You Like It" and come to my seminar and make some vague sense.

Seminar was pretty fun though, we discussed genitalia in Shakespeare, gender boundaries, meta-theatre, Scandanavians being horny because it's dark so much of the year, Spring being sexy and Greek pedophiles (my seminar tutors term, not mine). So I managed to work my way through it all.

Came home, ate, and now am finished folding clothes from Monday before I pull myself together and head down to Dave's again. We have a Date Night ahead of us.

I feel I should also mention that I feel sort of ostracised from a lot of people for a lot of reasons, but not knowing what to do. I'm trying to finish my degree which means that my time for recreation has been cut down and also, my temper has frayed quite a bit recently. I'm abrasive and it's really fucking obvious when I'm unimpressed with people because my face is expressive and I hate feeling like I'm the one bringing bad vibes to a group. But it's the way I am at the minute. I'm prickly and horrible and grumpy and I can't promise to be better.

But I can tell you that I feel like shit.
klena: (like the blade you stain)
This is a grumpy!kat entry, wherein I am certain I am going to feel sorry for myself.

Before all that though. In case you hadn't heard, Saints won the Super Bowl WHO DAT. Taylor, a mate from animesoc, streamed the whole thing from his laptop to his TV and drank over the course of the night. It ended about 5am here. Uni on Monday was a particularly unpleasant experience from what he tells me. Poor lad. I didn't watch the game but my thoughts were there, especially considering the joy it's caused [livejournal.com profile] blondiusmaximus

whiny whine mope feeling sorry for self nonsense )

To conclude: gripe, whinge, grumble, sour face.

Although, [livejournal.com profile] hartclanpaladin, I got your lovely letter yesterday. the teabag has not been employed yet, but it will be. Thank you so much ♥

Anyone else want to get in on the grumbles? Or the hug times. Because I am all about the hugs? Hugs?
klena: (but when the sun shines again)
Just found on lachild.tumblr.com, wanted to remember it before I stuff my face with lunch (finally, stupid shakespeare)

43 Ways To Simplify Your Life

1. Turn off your cell phone.

2. Process email only twice a day.

3. Go to bed early.

4. Get rid of (or at least reduce) commitments that you do out of obligation.

5. Create a weekly meal plan.

6. Automate your finances.

7. Purge as much unneeded clutter as possible.

8. Keep your paper shredder on top of your recycling bin.

9. Add items you want to a wish list as you think of them.

10. Get a label maker or write labels out by hand.

11. Set your clothes out for the next day the night before.

12. Make your lunch for the next day the night before.

13. Make time to catch up with an old friend.

14. Just say no.

15. Ask for experiences not things for your birthday and Christmas this year.

16. Tell the truth.

17. Keep your list of addresses and phone numbers up to date.

18. Consolidate debt.

19. Create an organizing system that works for you.

20. Keep a bag for garbage in your car.

21. Cary a notebook and pen with you where ever you go.

22. Unsubscribe from emails, newsletters or RSS feeds that don’t provide value anymore.

23. Apologize immediately when you realize you’ve done wrong.

24. Enjoy the present moment as much as you can.

25. Take time to really see the little things in life.

26. Reduce the amount of TV you watch.

27. Get outside.

28. Create morning, daytime, and evening routines.

29. Ask for help.

30. Do things at home as much as possible (eat, date nights, entertain etc.).

31. Don’t get caught up in other people’s drama.

32. Let go of the self-imposed need to be perfect.

33. Focus on a simple, but healthy, eating plan.

34. Share responsibilities.

35. Reduce your wardrobe to a few versatile items.

36. Be positive.

37. Start a gratitude journal.

38. Finish old tasks before taking on new ones.

39. For every new item that enters your home set two free.

40. Want what you have not what you don’t.

41. Revisit what you carry with you in your purse or wallet.

42. Focus on one thing at a time.

43. Store new garbage bags at the bottom of your garbage can.
klena: (inherently ridiculous)
hahahaha, I swore that line was "cause I keep fighting wolves at night". Apparently not.

I am trying to do my Shakespeare homework for Friday so Dave doesn't kill me when I have to do it on Thursday night/Friday morning. However, the homework is pretty much
1. Read "Othello" (i really should get on that)
2. Put together my own annotated bibliography on Shakespeare.

....turns out a lot of fucking people have written on Shakespeare. a lot of fucking people, writing a lot of fucking stuff. interesting sounding stuff.

damn you shakespeare!!

in other news, can we talk about the line "i'm like a virgin losing a child". how awesome is that line? how much does that say to you?
klena: (Default)
Here is a list of what has been good and what's sucked over the past week or so.

Good Things
- Handing my final art book for this year
- Finishing my music exams!
- Getting my English exam on Emily Dickinson and "Streetcar" over and done with
- Being denounced as insane by my art teacher because of my enthusiasm for my dissertation
- Mrs. Herron's baby! (3 weeks to go!)
- Politics = OVAH!
- Actually getting to post for ZQL
- Letter from Zalan
- Neal asking if Zalan was hot
- "Shadows of Fire" and being asked "why is that guy swearing at Jesus?"
- Being complimented by random Shimna students because of my purple scarf around my head
- Introducing many students to anime
- Not having a mental breakdown yet
- Finally completing the fucking character design for Angel
- Drawing and inking a really cute picture of Kathryn and Angel asleep.
- Getting to wear a ball gown next Friday
- Fighting with the tout Danielle


Bad Things
- Coming close to mental breakdown
- People just being general arrogant wankers
- 1st music exam being really shit
- 1st music exam causing me to have a panic attack AFTER the exam
- Going to bed at 1 last night and waking up at 5am to finish art book
- Still King Lear exam to go
- Dwindling funds (bad because it's June's birthday next week O.o)
- Stress of exams
- The must fucked up dreams every night for the past week (which I may even post)
- Stress!!!!!
- Exams
- Teachers acting as if their subject is the only one I do
- Constant nausea


So this past week has been full of ups and downs. The downs have been pretty bad. The panic attack (which I have never had before) and the dreams were the worse I think....

Hahahaha but I'm off until next Tuesday so much joy at that. It means I get to waste MORE of my life in front of "Majora's Mask." ^_^ haha

*Wails* I'm gonna bed. I'm sleepy

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