klena: (a virgin losing a child)
First day back at work.

Same old, same old. Bored for the majority of the day. Realistically, I need to pull my finger out of my backside and start updating my CV and applying for jobs.

Supposed to go back to the gym for the first time in months today, however Dave talked me out of it. To be fair, I was keen on getting home to open my Illamasqua order (new eyeshadows! Eyeliners! Etc!)

This evening I have done very little. Felt a little off kilter.

Spoke to my today about the news I got working on New Years, that a former colleague of mine suddenly passed away on the 27th. She was a woman full of fire and life. It seems so strange. And then another friend told me on Saturday that a mutual friend of ours had also died - implied that it was suicide. She's just written a private blog post, and I've had a little weep in my bed, thinking about him. Couple this with attending a wake for a 20 year old lad on Christmas Eve, and I've been in a weird place.

Sad and strange.

So I am sitting in my bed, about to watch a few "feel good" videos to make it easier to fall asleep and then read for a little bit.
klena: (used to be the right one)
klena: (familiar faces and mixed up memories)
I had a day of annual leave today and it's turned out to be one of the best days I've had in a long time :)

Started the morning by just ignoring Dave's alarms until nearly 9:45am when the postman woke us up delivering some interesting new things and then not too much later, another delivery turned up with a new bed! Dave and I had been looking at new beds over the weekend and found one on eBay we really liked, but hadn't decided on buying it. So Dave had bought it secretely, thought it was going to turn up tomorrow when I wasn't at work and was going to assemble it for us :) What a fucking gem of a boyfriend I have!

So after these deliveries, we walked into town (in the absolute torrential pouring rain) and went to Johnny Fontanes. Oh God. Oh my god delicious food. American cheese fries, a lemon and herb chicken burger and a Root Beer float. It was amazing. And we've got another voucher for it so we are going to rock that joint. And by "rock that joint", I mean eat as much food as humanly possible.

Then - adult move time! We went to speak to a mortage adviser. I KNOW. ADULT MOVES! So we chatted with them about our chances for a mortage and what we needed to do to set us up in good stead when we finish saving our deposit (in the next 6-18 months hopefully!). I set up a new account to help our "internal credit rating"! ADULT MOVES OF ADULTHOOD!

We got home from all this, I helped Dave sort his orders out, I dicked about on the internet and nearly fell asleep before we built our new bed. NEW BED! And it's King-size motherfuckers! Come stay with us! You can cuddle with Dave and I, we promise we won't make it weird ;) Look at it, fawn over it like we have!



So we managed to finish that at 9pm and so we were naughty and ordered take-away instead of cooking dinner. It was totally going to be chausierre chicken and rice. But it takes an hour to make so we took the easy option.

Then I ordered a piece of furniture for me. We have no mirror and I don't have a lot of storage space for my jewellery and GROUPON HAD A DEAL FOR A MIRROR ARMOIRE :O Its like it was FATE. So I ordered me this bad boy!



Now I am cuddled in bed with my boy and I have work tomorrow, but only have a 3 day week to work and today was great. Yay :) ♥
klena: (patron saint of switchblade fights)
I didn't get to update yesterday because I was up at 7am to make chocolate buttercream for my Katie J's cake, rolled out to work and then got a taxi straight from work to the coach station with Dave to visit his friend Chris and his girlfriend Tori in Nottingham. So no access to computer that night. Gutting!

I'm knackered as I spent most of the day in the sun and now have a slightly sunburnt chest. So I feel the pull of sleep calling me. Have a picture of the cake I made!

klena: (cling to me cutie)
Another rushing around day at work! One of the admin workers had her leaving lunch at the office today as she's also leaving tomorrow! Staff just seem to be evaporating at the minute.

I was also a bit naughty today and went into one of the charity shops at lunch time when I was trying not to. But I did pick up a really nice (and boobilicious) Jane Norman top for £2.99 that I plan on wearing next Friday night to Lynn and Katie's leaving drinks. Oh well, can't be good all the time!

Well, I had another vaguely unproductive evening until the last part of it. I napped from 7 until 8 and then started frantically getting ready for tomorrow.

I've managed to:
- Bake two cakes for Katie's leaving lunch tomorrow (orange Victoria sponge cake); the chocolate buttercream still needs to be made in the morning but that'll take 5 minutes.
- Book my taxi for tomorrow to take me straight from work to the bus station to go down to Nottingham
- Tidied dishes away and washed said cooking/baking implements
- Tidied the bedroom
- Put away the 3 loads of washing on the bed (I have this thing where I like to leave a clean house if I go anywhere because I like coming home to cleanliness)
- Tomorrow's work/travel outfit has been laid out
- As had the clothes for Saturday
- Spoken to both Mama and Papa Denvir whilst the cakes were baking
- Currently finishing Katie's Student Progress report for her

Not bad! Still bits to do and I've just decided to paint my toenails - clever dick that I am! Although I really need to get into bed as I need to be out of bed at 7am on the dot tomorrow morning. Right. Finishing touches - GO!
klena: (dream a little bigger darling)
Midway through the week! Hurrah!

So far this week at work, it's been ridiculous. I constantly seem to be doing about 10 things at once with more coming at me from all angles. Don't get me wrong, that is kinda the admin job, but it's been really mental this week!

I spent my lunch hour buying a gift for my darling Katie J, my "other half". She's the other admin in our team and she's leaving on Friday to go back to uni on Monday :( I'm really going to miss her. She's hilarious and just asks such random amazing questions and is just a really good person. I know that sounds contrived, but she really is. She's so giving and really warm. And to make it even worse, she's absolutely gorgeous. Ugh, I am going to miss her :(((

So I got her present and then more people put into her leaving collection so I'm going to pick up a few extra bits for her on Friday morning in addition to the cake I'm going to bake tomorrow night :)

We had team meeting today that ends up being filled with moaning about things. And the rediscussion of things we'd already discussed. Today was filled with a lot of hints at what admin used to do and how we could be doing more. It's boring and repetitive because they keep trying to find reasons to not do work. Keep piling it on guys - we'll get overwhelmed and then we won't be able to do it, it'll bounce back to workers and admin will get stressed and sick and then none of the work will get done. Ahhhh bureaucracy. You suck.

In other news, still waiting to be officially council employed! Apparently my health declaration is with Occupational Health. SIGH. One day! I will be a real council employee and be paying into a pension and paying off my student loans. And I will be paid monthly. And I will have things like flexitime and Annual Leave. Sigh.

Oh well, at least I have a job?
klena: (all the way up to heaven)
So, the weather around the UK at the minute is absolutely shocking. You would honestly think it's the End of Days with the way the wind's howling and the rain's pouring. It's bollocks, quite frankly. And even more bollocks because our housemate discovered that the bay window in our living room, where our electronics and TV are, is leaking. From the roof. >:| We're giving the handyman of the house a call tomorrow as the weather is so bad and there's not much you can do with a leak whilst it's still raining.

Good times!

I spent a lot of today just going through jobsites and applying for jobs. It is more than a little soul-destroying as I know that I'm more than qualified for these jobs but I just don't have what the ads deem as "necessary experience." Bum. It's making me kinda antsy because I'm not doing any work with FancyDressQueen at the minute and the longer it takes me to get back into the workplace, the more I get all nervous and caught up about it. Guh >:|

In other news I gave myself a ~SECRET!RESOLUTION~ which isn't really that secret, but it was about reading every day before bed. Which I have been doing! I'm currently reading Simon Pegg's autobiography which I'm enjoying but hasn't captivated me as much as I hoped. But I'm only 80 pages into it so we'll see!

Have another picture to finish off this wet and windy Wednesday whilst I start watching "Battle Royale." Can you believe I've never seen this movie? Only little snippets here and there. FOR SHAME. I read the book whilst I was at home - got all 5/600 pages done in about 4 days which has sparked my desire for watching! :)

klena: (because we'll be together)
So my plan was to go into Leeds and just wander around, enjoying the Bank Holiday. And I didn't because I am lazy. So I have been sitting online for nearly 6 hours, alternating between 9Gag, downloading Opera (Firefox just will not allow me to stream video without freezing every 30 seconds) and looking at jobs. Yes, jobs. I am being all responsible, aren't we all proud!

I also signed up for a Dreamwidth account because it seems like a lot of friends are getting dual journals/abandoning LJ after the latest palava with the commenting changes so I am there as Klena. Let me know if you guys are over there.

Then I created my 2012 resolutions. Most of them are quite grown up - get a job by the end of this month, start paying off my student loan, look at pension schemes, visit home more often. But there are creative things there too. I have one for my soul as well. But I think the best one I've decided upon is:

You know that confident, ballsy, "Fuck 'em", good looking young woman that people keep telling you they see? You are that person. Try not to forget it.

On New Years Eve a friend from Anime Soc told me she had had a little bit to drink but wanted to admit to me that when she met me, she had a crush on me because I was confident and secure in myself and wasn't afraid to stand up for myself/things I believed in. I was so flattered! And I forget that a lot, that the person I am socially is also me. I like her a lot, she's fun. And powerful. And people around me like her so I am going to remember that I'm fucking smart and silly and powerful and confident.

Even if I don't, fuck it. Fake it 'til you make it.
klena: (patron saint of switchblade fights)
Hello my lovelies!

I'm needing some help regarding questions as I'm not much of a cosplayer! What would you consider the most popular cosplay costumes that people would buy? I would assume Naruto and Bleach costumes? But what else?

It'd be silly to deny that superhero costumes would also be a huge market, but would you be more inclined to buy a costume for a Superhero movie that is due to come out or the costume of a slightly less mainstream character? (For example, would you be likely to choose a Jean Grey costume or a Miss Marvel costume?)

Would you, as a consumer, be more inclined to buy wigs or costumes? My personal logic would dictate that wigs would a more crucial purchase than a costume, but would you agree with that?

All this is market research for my new role in Fancy Dress Queen :) So please help!

Love love love ♥
klena: (told you i'd be here forever)
So my journaling fail cannot be qualified within one blog, but sadly all I can do is apologise. When I now get time to check LJ and the like, I read the entries (or at least, the entries that interest me, sorry random communities) and then am too tired to write anything.

Currently, I am in the middle of my second 15 hour shift at the agency. Yesterday 9.30am to 12am (or 12.30 if I'm honest) and then today 9.30 until midnight. Our other evening secretary is off on holiday for two weeks for her sister's wedding which left shifts to be covered. So between myself and the boss, we're splitting the 8 shifts she's not going to be here for. That also means 3 extra 15 hour days and a 12 hour Sunday shift.

The weather today means that it's been really really quiet all day. I have taken 15 calls today since 9.30am. But I'm actually okay with that because I feel really drained this evening. Whether it is the weather or the nights darkening or the fact that I worked 15 hours last night and didn't get to sleep until 2 is all to be seen.

I will get my backside into gear after I come back from my break (and maybe have a nap on it) as I'll have the entire evening to get through as well. That is my plan.

All in all, despite the stress and long hours, I'm grateful. It's hell sometimes and draining, but the job puts money on the table for the important things like rent and food. And really, that's the most important thing. It's awful, but sometimes I forget that.

I should really post a blog with a few pictures from when Dave and I were back in N.Ireland last week. That was really lovely.

In more exciting news I'm going to move in with Dave. Not in June, like I imagined, but possibly next week. His housemate Timmy moved out Monday as I was due to pay the rent on the room in a house I have spent a grand total of 4 hours in since I moved in at the end of August. So Dave suggested I move in with him and Ant as I live there anyway because of how close it is to work.

After checking it was okay with Ant and Laura (Ant's girlfriend who is due to move in December), we agreed on it yesterday afternoon. I've emailed my landlord (who I hadn't given my contract back to, due to various circumstances) about it today and I'm just awaiting a response. I don't foresee there being an issue as I haven't signed any real contract and I've offered to pay 2 weeks rent in October, regardless of whether I'm there or not.

That sounds fair, right?

But it's all quite exciting! Dave and I have been discussing moving in together a lot recently and whilst we still want our own place, this makes so much sense.
1. I live there anyway, just in one box at the moment
2. I never see that house at all
3. It's more cost-effective for both of us and for Ant
4. It stops me living out of a box and having to schedule time to go up to the other place for clothes/books/stuff

Exciting times! There's a lot still to be sorted, but we're going to get it resolved as soon as I have an evening free, probably Friday and move me as soon as we can :)

Which reminds me! [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams, that lovely gentleman of yours owns a motor vehicle, does he not? Would he mind helping me move? I'll pay for the pleasure!
klena: (used to be the right one)
I am being naughty and posting from work because I have been here for a whole 10 hours now and I've still got 4.5 hours before I can leave work. Oh Tuesdays, why you gotta treat me so bad?

I actually have no ideas in mind for this journal entry, all I know is that I really should update with something other than twitter because I don't even tweet that often now due to the whole, y'know, 55+ hour working weeks now.

So. The update as it it.

I have been with Moulin Rouge now since the 14th June. Which I guess means today is my 3 month anniversary. Oh god, it feels longer. Maybe that's just because I'm here so much. In 3 months I've gone from working 25.5 hours a week to my near 60 hour load. It's strange. I don't mind it here, the pay is really good. However, I work 6 days a week and I don't feel like I have much of a life anymore. Maybe that's just due to it being summer and universities being broken up and the fact most of my peers have moved away from Leeds. :(

But it all starts again next week, and I'm one of animesoc's social secretaries this year. Which means one night a week of guaranteed socialising. Yes!

Today is my mama and papa's 25th wedding anniversary. It is strange and wonderful, I believe that two people can be together and married for so long. I know it's not easy. And that's why I think it's marvellous. Congratulations parents ♥

Dave and I are going home next week to spend 2 whole days there. We're celebrating the anniversary and the 1 month anniversary of my granny's death. It's strange to think like that. My mum offer me and Dave a place to stay in granny's. I couldn't even contemplate it. I think I'd just cry every minute I was in there.

I keep feeling quite lost and frustrated. This job is not a career for me. However the money is really good and I believe it'd be stupid to give up a non-exactly-taxing job for little better reason that frustration and disillusionment. Dave believes I need to do some retail therapy in order to see the benefit of all this work. The issue with that is that I don't have desire to spend. Or, more accurately, I don't have a strong enough to desire to spend on things I'd like.

Fail.

In other news, I am currently trying to keep a teenager from killing herself whilst at university. She's had some pretty horrific stuff happen to her through the course of her life and I'm bred from Caring Staff stock. Except I spend 4 hours on Saturday on the phone to her because she was depressed (seriously) and drunk. And whilst I want to help her, I cannot live her life for her and I cannot, will not molly-cuddle her. It won't help. I received a text last night telling me to tell her she had done wrong because she slept with a guy at uni last night and felt it was cheating on her ex/boyfriend who is IN PRISON for abuse. WHAT.

I keep getting frustrated because she won't accept help or acknowledge what's happened as not her fault. I want to ring some form of social services/suicide prevention because I just don't know what to do otherwise.

Wow, this is an amazingly cheerful entry. But may that's the way it is. I am happy. But somedays it's just a little harder than others. It's easier when I'm with Dave or busy with friends.

Life, eh?
klena: (gabe needs to work on his magic act)
Because i am the bestest girlfriend ever, and a very proud one at that, i promised i'd do this for my pretty boy. Also, i'm pretty certain i can wangle some reward out of him, if you know what I mean.

Seriously though, he sells a wide range of costumes and all at really decent prices. Please just click on the link and help him out, please?

Consider it a personal favour which i will repay in whatever way you so desire ;)

Hallowen costumes! Maids! Sailors! Etc!!

www.otleyrunfancydress.co.uk
klena: (to let the light in)
I haven't posted an actual journal entry since the robbery. Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone for their kind comments and actions and concern. You people helped me to get through it, and even though it's not over yet, I can't thank you enough for your kindness ♥

In a related update, we've heard nothing back from the police and searching Gumtree hasn't turned up any leads so I'm pretty resigned to everything being gone. Part of me is okay with it and another part is still heartbroken because I remember all the things I saved that are gone forever, like some of my photography that I never uploaded anywhere.

I've been doing photoshoots with Dave. I've got 4 photoshoots under my belt now, and the one of Sunday was pretty big - 6 models over a number of hours. I want to do more, to learn more photography techniques, to be better.

I also have a job interview tomorrow afternoon. I wanted a job at Waterstones, but I didn't get it, sadly. So I've been applying for jobs everywhere. And one hour after I applied for a job I got a phonecall to come for an interview tomorrow. Let's see how it goes.

I graduate next month. That doesn't get any easier to process. Neither do the goodbyes.
klena: (birds are free and i am caged)
So i am shit at this blogging-keeping-people-up-to-date-with-my-lfie but i've been pretty dull for a while now and i feel like i've slipped away from people hence my lack of blogging because i feel people don't want to read it and blah blah blah spiral effect.

Also, another reason for the lack of blogging is that, for about 4 weeks now, my timetable has been:

10am - drag self out of bed
11am until 3pm - summer scheme (mum's offical charity!!) with autistic children. anywhere between 13 to 31 kids per day
3:20pm - arrive home, find work uniform
4pm until ~12am/1am - close shift at McDonalds
~2am/3am - finish buzzing from close and sleep
10am - drag self out of bed.

....and repeat. so, with the except for a 5 day excursion back to Leeds last week to see Dave (i am such a girl- there is a total entry about all this new couple like sort of being with someone milarky to be discussed), that is my life. And the non!summer scheme days, i.e. the weekend, there is a 8 hour McShift to be had and a nap afterwards usually. So, my free-time is pretty non-existent (hence writing this at 2:40am when i really should be trying to sleep)

But!!!! I quit McDonalds on Sunday. Yes, after 3 and 1/2 years (seriously, you get less time for murder), I decided I could not hack the job and the twatty staff and the consistent annoying customers and the lack of life and the lack of study time and the crippling conscientiousness that just constantly dicked me over during working and wanting to cry during/after/before shifts, I couldn't do it anymore. I have hated roughly 70-80% of the shifts I have worked since being back - that's not...it's not healthy, right?

So I quit. Two weeks notice and i will no longer be a McCorporate Slave. I feel like it should a huge thing as McDonalds was when I started to grow up. It was my first job, where i first obtained a real social life outside my schoolfriends, made me grow up, showed me what i could maybe do, gave me my first "boyfriend" -- it was a lot of firsts for me. And i still love a lot of people there. But....but. I don't feel anything at the minute. Strange, right?

A question now - leaping from topics like a mofo. I put photos of Leeds up on facebook some of which will be under the cut below but....Dave's ex-girlfriend, Steph (who i get on really well with and has always been nice to me but is still, y'know, Dave's ex-of-3-years) 'liked' this photo of us



....is it just me being a little strange but...i can't help but think that's a little weird, right? i mean, is it weird to 'like' a photo of your ex and the girl he's seeing obviously being sort of together? or is it just me?

more leeds photos beneath the cut - bunch of us went out to dress up for dave's business at our bar, so photos abounded. plus, one of the two of us. feel free to shy away from the saccarine sentiment.

wholly interesting cut text about something very intellectual and possibly involving a pun )

in other words: i miss you, i love you, i read your entries but i understand if you just glance over mine now. but you're still in my thoughts more than you might think.
klena: (you didn't set in ink)
Why oh why did I think doing "shieldmaidens, matriarchs and monsters: women in medieval scandanavian literature" was a good alternative to "Romance, Ballad and Fairytales"? Studying Old Icelandic does not = win. Tears, people. Tears of blood.

Kittencam is possibly the cutest thing in the world, ever. I am listening to kitten meow as I read the Volsunga Saga. [livejournal.com profile] hybrid_xisha is my pimp for my own special kinds of crack.

"Supernatural" makes my life. Sam! Dean! Demons! Angels who are dicks! "Eye of the Tiger"! Winchesters! Also, watching with the soultwinnongirlfriend is also one of the highlights of my week.

WATCHMEN. T-MINUS 4 DAYS! Insert epic flail here.

Work work work work work. i want to sleep instead of work tonight. however since that's not possible, hi Red Bull ilu &hearts
klena: (heed to your heart)
Six weeks since updating and no doubt this entry I start with good intentions will descend into a series of convoluted explanations and a dull chain of events (nowhere near as theraputic, except depending on where you stand)

I had to take off my watch to start typing this - what does that say about me?

Theoretically, the best way to do this would be to choose - find a point, fix myself to it (stick my courage to the sticking place but I cannot wash things away, just like she cannot remove the spots from her hands) and progress. Move forward and breathe. That's not the way this story goes; it's not who I am, I am a jumble of inadaquaces that I manage to conceal until I am actually needed in a tangible way.

I'm about to spill my innards before you all now; not just the pretty image of the heart glistening and vibrant with life, but the visceral content of my body and all the sick little truths that comprise this sad frame I call myself.

I am ill, currently. I have spent the last 3 days vomiting my guts up, having horrible nausea, migraines, fevers, cold sweats and miserable moods. There is nothing I hate more than nausea. I prefer to spill my guts out constantly for a day rather than to be nauseous for a week.

I had no heating for 5 days. I don't believe this helped this flu that I have been sensing for about a week now. So bad that I could see my breath before me a few nights, and that's not a metaphor.

I work. I work at Fab Cafe, a movie memorabilia bar, that I adore but i missed a shift to flyer tonight. Three strikes in less than 6 months, you're out? I imagine so.

There are debt collectors after me still. I don't know how to deal with them and I would rather sell a kidney than have to deal with debt problems ever again.

I have 9 piercings now. 3 in each ear, my nose, my lip (off to the side) and my tongue. My tongue hurt like a bitch and i hope i never have to take it out because i probably would not get it done again.

My dad had a health scare recently. Within the last 2 months, he started having chest pains that were causing his left side to go numb-ish. He went through a series of blood tests, ECGs and, finally, stayed in the hospital for 5 days worth of monitoring roughly 2 weeks ago. All I wanted was to be home even though I would have just been a wreck. They still haven't figured out what's wrong but it's not his heart - or not obviously his heart. He's massively cut down on his smoking and drinking and now goes for walks in the evening. I've been so scared for him - I haven't been able to shake the feeling under my skin that I was going to have to bury my father before I hit 25.

I began to cut myself off from a circle of people I started to care about because I felt I was losing them. Better to be the one to cut cord than to be the one hanging on. I am revising this plan of action but I don't actually think my initial knee-jerk fear was so wrong.

I haven't smoked since before Christmas, I haven't self-harmed in 4 months and I've changed my medication again. I keep starting over again - maybe one of these times I'll get it right.

Of my close circle of girls (there are a circle of 4 and numberous other singulars), one is engaged and another is expected a child. I am so scared, the world gets older everytime I close my eyes.

Bandom is still my closest addiction and fandom right now. Recently, I have been not worthy of note in any endeavour I set myself in, particularly my co-mod status in [livejournal.com profile] super_bandom but I've been working on my return.

In the past 2 weeks, I have spent nights in the library until midnight, studying and reading and enjoying being a student. I have forsaken all others, shaking off ties of friendship (arguably, and I am a contrary enough bitch to argue the point) in order to work on my degree. This has also lead to my return to writing and art and creation. It feels like some of my cells are being reborn. that is such a ridiculously pretentious English-student way of putting it, but it is the truth. I have missed it, like I miss my home or the feel of my mum's arms or a small scrap of paper/single 0001011010101010001 that comprise a message that read "i miss you, i think of you, where are you?"

My faith is a contentious issue at the best of times but this year I am taking part in Lent. I am giving up swearing and asking for sponsorship. Everyday I fail, I make up the money I should have made that day. At the end of Lent, I plan to donate my scrapings to the charity my mum has founded. There are, however, exceptions to my rule. Swearing in songs (mild, borderline inoffensive as I am going to see the Cobras and Fall Out Boy before the end) and during seminars where our poets swear (Swift, I am looking at you) and for fiction/RP purposes. Myself, as a person, an entity, shall not swear. So the theory goes.

I am single and lonely but "the best of us can find happiness in misery". I tasted the misfortune of trying something, knowing it was unlikely to work and i broke myself, twisted my heart into knots trying to not be such a "fuck-up" and allow this genuinely amazing guy into my life. He is still in my life, but as a friend. It's better this way. It doesn't stop the pain I felt during the period or the pain I feel I have caused him, but I believe that this is for the best.

My skin itches for a tattoo. "I Have Been All Things Unholy" "The fall shall further the flight in me", "I went under the sea. I have been dead, and yet am not alive, but let me rest still", "your halo better gleam", "never knew a part of you you didn't set in ink" and/or "heed to your heart, and not to your wit". I feel it under my skin.

I am a self-depreciating, pitying little fuck and I hate myself for it sometimes.

I am going home for Easter. I will be home for my dad's birthday, and will belatedly celebrate my brother's 21st.

I am moving house at the end of this year.

Recently my geekery has diversified. I have been reading comic books beyond Sandman. "The Umbrella Academy", "Runaways", "Fables", "Lucifer", "The Boys", "Y: The Last Man" and "Watchmen" are all recent geek readings. It has been amazing and I want to try to write a dissertation/thesis next year on graphic novels//comics as representations of modern literature. "Watchmen" will really fucking help me out there. Movie - 2 weeks!

Sunday nights, with the exception of the past Sunday, have been reserved for me and [livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams to watch Supernatural.

[livejournal.com profile] rogue_dreams has probably saved my life in subtle ways since the start of this year. She is my soul twin, my non-girlfriend, my Supernatural-watching partner. We don't need to spend an inordinate amount of time in each other's presence but I love it when we do. She's snarky and a bit of a bitch but in an awesome, take-no-bollocks kind of way that I desperately have needed and funny and fangirlish and what I would be like if I were more talented and more driven. I am, and I rarely use words like these, blessed to have her in my life.

I miss those of you I know online but I cut myself off from lj for periods of time because I believe I deserve you lot. Hence why I vanish. I am usually guilting myself somewhere or working or studying.

I cannot sleep tonight. I'm sweating from this fever but I'm cold and can't get comfortable and can't sleep more than 3 hours. I feel jumbled and slightly lost and it's not just illness that is causing this but I'll blame it on that tomorrow.

"Think of us at all, if not as lost" - where is that from? Have I studied that? It's in my head and daylight is filtering in and I am going to have a shower because it is 7am and I want to try and sleep this migraine-headpain off.  
klena: (pillow talk)
i am lost and confused. the nausea is fading a little but i am still sore and tired and have a bit of a temperature so do i go into work tomorrow? it's at 7am and i've sort of been avoiding food so maybe surrounding myself with mcdonalds is not the best idea ever?

also i really want to clean the house because then i won't have to freak out and rush-clean it on tuesday when mum and dad come home from holiday. and there's tons to be done in the house and i'm not really hurting for money right now - i should be getting an extra £80 on next week's paycheck because they cocked up the last one.

also if you've a stomach bug you're not supposed to work around food but i don't like leaving them sort. fuck.

argh.

in other news, kitten is adorable still, my girls are awesome, i am drinking too much tea for my own good and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is an awesome movie.

end
klena: (we were in love once)
SO! Imagine, if you will, a Werid Shit life. Bring yourself to this world with my words.

You do not sleep the night before your open shift. You climb into bed, having set the computer to download all of Nobuta wo Produce and Kimi wa Petto after buying TONS OF STUFF in Belfast that day. You go to Belfast with the Mother and the Brother - The Brother's Drink explodes in your handbag and your courtesy phone (because your other one is being fixed after JUST RANDOMLY DYING IN LONDON) does not switch on anymore.

You lie awake from midnight, closing your eyes and everytime you wake up, only 20-30 minutes has passed. Nothing you do lulls you to sleep. Sigh.

You climb out of bed at 6am to head to work. As you leave your park you discover that, whilst your CD player worked last night despite being drenched in coke, TODAY IT DOES NOT. You trek down to work in silence, entertaining yourself with THE POWERS OF YOUR MIND and THE GLORY THAT IS BANDOM (all the while thinking that it is TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT)

You find a kitten. Curled into the corner of a shop door on the main street of your town. You try to pick it up only for it to DART ACROSS THE ROAD AND ALMOST GET HIT BY A CAR. You freak out (you've seen cats die recently and almost hit another one a week ago going into work) and go to it. Some random man (and what the fuck is he even doing UP at 6:30??) helps you catch it. It's tiny and terrified and cries and you hold it, feeling it shiver. You take it into work. Your shift manager for the day (Kev) lets you in when he arrives and you hold the kitten as you pace around the store. Eventually you phone your dad to take it home and look after it because you cannot just LEAVE IT in the crew room for your 9 hour shift and it's so tiny and needs to be looked after.

You work until 4 and stumble out of work. Return home to the kitten.

MY WEIRD SHIT LIFE PEOPLE - LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

But isn't it ADORABLE?!

klena: (try to stay upright)
it's like a circus. every day the ring leader changes (or, sometimes, there is more than one ring leader which means the players do not know what to do or who to follow. Some follow their own path, weaving and acting and tumbling on their own paths) - every day the audience is different. Some don't want to be there but the majority do. Some look down on the clowns, the performers, the costumes. must be too stupid to do anything but work in this circus but we're not. Underneath our costumes and face-paint we are people and we are smart and we make each other laugh and we survive every day. Doesn't that deserve a round of applause? Hand over your coins and we'll give you a show; welcome ladies and gentlemen to the comedy of our lives, but stay for the tragedy. It's worth every second of it. Sometimes we may stumble over our acts and somedays the clowns, the marionettes, the animals might change roles. We are clowns one day with plastered grins on our faces, the next day we are the ringleader, directing and holding the fragic fabric of the marquis together with our solidity. Maybe tomorrow we will be the acrobats and soar about the audience and make them beam and gasp with joy? Or maybe we will be the animals, doing tricks and scaring the watchers, making them twist into each other's sides and laughing with relief, clapping appreciatively. Give the kids a show - twist your face into the mockery of a smile they've come to see - dance the steps like it's all you're meant to do.

come see our show and when you leave, remember to thank god you aren't one of us.
klena: (bobgeefrank)
haven't been much in the form for writing to lj the past week or so. Am guessing (hoping) that is just to do with the long hours of work and work and work and the heat of the summer and the constant roll-around, count-the-hours to the next shift.

Like now. today was my day off and i spent the majority of it in bed, re-reading [livejournal.com profile] bexless's fucking awesome "Stigmata"-inspired, MCR Bigbandom fic and wanting to draw or write or make cds and i just...couldn't. just felt so...uninspired and tired and like a shadow of myself. don't like it, want it to stop right the fuck now.

but i had My Girls down here last night and we baked in the kitchen (chocolate and carmel brownies and raspberry and white chocolate brownies that ended up more like cake) and played music and Jules now is Highly Interested in Panic At The Disco because she saw a poster of them (i think) and said "That band...Panic...the boys are pretty hot in it, right?" So I got to show them all the photos from the Astoria gig and then Jules and I went through my Bandom Pics folder where I showed her the GLORY that is:
Ryan Ross's awesome stage make-up
Pete Wentz's tattoos
Gerard Way's eyelashes
Frank Iero smoking and being a dork
Half-naked bandom boys
Vicky-T being motherfucking gorgeous and
William Beckett's hips (and Spencer Smith's hips. And Andy Hurley's hips)

I will corrupt her to the bandom world. Oh yes. >D

So we baked and cooked and make a fuckload of tea. Seriously. I had been in work until 2 the day before, got home at 4am, was in work again at 10 until 6 that night and then waited for the girls to arrive at 8. So. there was lots of chocolate and caffiene consumed. To the point where i was buzzing right until I finished washing the dishes at 3am and fell into bed.

My life, people. A nonstop rollercoaster of excitement.

i am supposed to be working at 7am tomorrow but Nicole rang and asked me to come in at 10 instead and, hey, i'm not saying no to that. So my tentative plan is:

bed now
work until 6
get changed
go home
art
bed
into work at 7am.

PLAN

I should get right on that.

[edit] choose from my interests! I will explain them to you. You get 7 picks - knock yourself out kids

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